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In a recent newspaper article in the Washington Post "Aging Population prompts Firms to offer Benefits" about 43% of the major employers are now helping their employees in regard to elder care. With these companies an employee can go for help, legal, financial and emotional counseling, scheduling more flexible hours, etc. Some companies will even help you find a Caregiver if for some reason your regular Caregiver is unable to be there.

Now, if we could get all corporations/businesses on board, that would be helpful.
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I agree with the others, try and avoid quitting your jobs. Can't you and your husband get set schedules at the casino? That are opposite hours? Than you hire people who can work those shifts and also allow you to sleep.

Also you never should have put up with Caregiver A, that is complete nonsense about no Thurs/Sun due to her religion. If someone can't accommodate the hours you need than you don't hire them, end of story. Add in all the health issues you mentioned, it sounds like you need a caregiver for the paid caregiver.

You hire people who can work the hours needed.
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I was working 1/2 time and caring for my parents. When my mom died, Dad could not be alone and I left work. I had Cobra, funds from my Dad for his needs. However, I had to pay for my health insurance even with Cobra, and for a couple months until I turned 65. Even then, I am paying about $500 a month for medicare/HMO. I haven't seen my friends in a long time, maybe one, once a month. I was good at my job, but things have changed and I would not know the computer skills needed, or the nuances that have changed in how to do the job. At home I am contently interrupted with issues (bathroom, food seeking behaviors, screwball and unsafe "ideas", etc.)so that even blogging here is interrupted. I recently got help for 4 hours in the day M-F. That helps some.

Look up what you would earn in social security at this point, remember you also have to pay for insurance out of that amount. Women earn less, and therefore have lower social security monthly amounts. I am lucky and have a second retirement plan, otherwise I would be in a world of hurt.

Now look at your mother's options. It could be that if she has very little income, she would qualify for medicaid/state insurance which covers nursing home care.

I thought I would be doing this for 1-2 years, it is now 3. The doctor says Dad could go on like this for years. His body keeps on "ticking", yet his brain is going faster.

It is not selfish to take care of yourself first. Time is short for you, have you done everything you wanted to do?
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Pipruby, good point when you said "Time is short for you, have you done everything you wanted to do?"....

When my parents were my age, they were in their 4th year of a fantastic retirement that has gone on for 25 years of being busy with travel, dining out, movies, sight seeing, hiking, bouncing from resort to resort, stock holder meetings, a lot of hobbies, etc. Me, zero retirement and by the time I have no elder responsibility, I will be too old to have the same type of fun. The stress is slowly killing me :(

Thank goodness I have my career which I really enjoy getting up and going to the office.
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No
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To me, JessieBelle said it best. This is definitely a decision to be well thought out beforehand. It may help you to make a written list of all the concerns to be considered on both sides, and work from that to figure out what's best for your own situation. (Like a few others have posted, it does irk me a bit, as well, when someone posts to 'never' quit your job, since each person's situation is different.)
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I was very fortunate that I was able to retire from the military at a young age and have retirement income and health benefits. I made the choice to only work part time so I would be able to spend more time with my family. I can't see me giving up my part time job any time soon to be with my elderly mother full time. My family thinks that just because I have medical training that I should be the one to take care of mom. I will keep on working as long as I can because I enjoy it and it gets me away from all the drama at home. It is my "me" time and I refuse to give it up.
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guess it depends on your job too. if you have a great job you love and make good money and have a pension waiting, then no. hire care givers instead. you don't have to resort to nursing homes right away if ever. if you have a mediocre job and the pay sucks then go for it. jobs like that are a dime a dozen, especially in customer service. they always hire. good luck.
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Ultimately what is "best" depends on our own unique situation. But for all, we need to take a hard & exacting look at our own finances & probable future before we walk away from our jobs, family or community to take care of our parents. With the oncoming tsunami of baby boomers needing care, I just cannot see neither the state or federal govts continuing to pay for programs like our parents have benefitted from - like Medicaid paying for NH. We are going to need to make every penny we can while we can. Taking care of a parent for free if it's going to impoverish your future is not a good decision.

What has been interesting for me in going through for my mom in the mice maze that is eldercare, is very little is out there for caregiver support. There are all sorts of elder programs - meals on wheels, elder day out, visiting nurses, etc - but very little for family & friends who caregive. This is why this forum is so terrific.

Happy thanksgiving all! Pie shells are cooling & calling me.
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I agree with jacobsonbob. I haven't regretted it. I didn't wuit a job, I closed a business. I've now gone through all my savings and am changing careers, which was the plan all along after my youngest graduated. So for me it was a blessing but each person had their own circumstances to contend with and you ultimately have to do what's right for you and what you can live with. Just get still and listen to your intuition, I've found that usually have the answer within myself. Good luck.
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If I quit work today, my parents could live to be 100, which means I would be in my 70's.... how does one start over in the work force at 70 making the same salary as one had just prior to leaving their career. I realize there is no age decimation when it comes to being hired, but unless one was keeping with modern technology while Caregiving 24/7, a company will hire someone who has that knowledge at hand. They don't want to hear "I am a quick study, I can learn it".

And what if one's parents didn't save for their old age, and you had to use some your own retirement fund to keep your parents afloat. What would that leave for yourself? Or would your children be doing a replay of history with you? Quitting their jobs, uprooting the family, etc.

If you can make it work, great :) But if one reads all the *should I quit my job* forums [there are many here], you will see that 9 times out of 10 it doesn't work.
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It sounds like it maybe time to put her in a nursing home---especially since she has dementia and keeps having strokes. She's not going to get better---she'll have the care she needs in a nursing home. In home care is very expensive. You can get online and check out the ratings of nursing homes in your area. After she's gone--you're still gonna need a job. Dementia usually ends up needing more professional care, and it can be very very stressful mentally and physically. As the dementia progresses--a lot of in home care workers may not want the job---some may not be trained for it. Definitely a lot of stress on marriages! You can always go visit her in the NH, and possibly take her home for a short visit once in awhile--or out to eat etc. Get an opinion from her doctor as to how much longer she has to live to help you decide what you need to do--good luck.
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I forgot to mention that you might want to check into Passport Services. Goes by income. You might want to check into hospice care if she's terminally ill--say like in the next year (there's a time frame--I'm not sure exactly what it is)
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If you can keep your job and take care of you parent I would do it. I have not worked out of moms house in five years and let me tell you how scared I am to look for work. I do get paid a little to take care of mom but I would love to go back to an office job and be around people part time or even full time. I think change is hard but you do what feels right for you. I am so anxious and older now that I don't even know if I can get thru and interview let alone do both and look at you your doing it. I think it's great and your my inspiration that it can be done. Hugs to you :) Good luck
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wwpin, you say in home care is expensive and than you act like the NH is going to be free. In home care is still going to be less expensive than your average NH which runs at least $5K a month.

While I don't think the OP should quit her job, her and her husband should look into opposite shifts at the casino, and if they have two part timers coming in(that are reliable not religious nuts who can't work certain days like the OP has) that would be the best solution.
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Never said NH is free!! Where I'm at it's $5,000 a month with rehab---$4,000 with out rehab---$3000 for assisted living.
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my father is in NH facility and semi private is roughly $8,000 a month. and it does NOT come out of MY pocket, it comes out of their money until we can get things straightened up with elder attorney then he will get on medicaid.
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I don't recommend quitting your jobs to take care of your aging parents. This will have a big effect on your life after retirement. You'll lose a lot from your Social Security benefits which will surely come in handy when it comes to paying for your unexpected expenses. You need to work in order to generate income which can help secure your future. It's important to have enough funds and investments due to longevity. Since we are living much longer, there's a big chance that we'll require long term care. It is costly nowadays and thus the need to have coverage for this. Long term care insurance is considered as an efficient payment method but since it is on the expensive side, everyone is encouraged to request for quotes first before purchasing.

My advice is this, help your aging parents prepare for their future by introducing them to different insurance products, investments and savings plans that can help them cover their care expenses. This is much better rather than completely giving up your career in order to become an informal caregiving to your aging parents.
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Rodney, I think many of us have parents who wouldn't qualify for long term care insurance because they are already past the age limit. That is something one's parents should have done back when they were 30 or 40 years younger.

Same with investments, some times it can take years for a *safe* investment to produce a sizeable profit.... time isn't on the side of our elders.
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