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Not only can the stress age the way we look, it can also cause differences when we speak. Even though my folks had passed a couple years ago, I still get people asking me "is everything ok?" when I answer the telephone and speak for a couple of minutes.

My voice has gotten better I think, I don't have that quiver sound quite as much. I was starting to sound like Katherine Hepburn in her later years. And I finally stopped panicking every time the phone rang.... in the past when I saw my parents Caller ID or later on the senior facility ID, I was a total mess.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2020
I get that. Conditioning is powerful. You were so used to your particular situation and routine that it’s natural that it carried over afterwards.
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Mirrors sorta scare me. I kinda look like my younger sister...and everyone tells me that she looks 10 years older than I am so what does that make me? 12 years older than I really am?
At this point in my life if someone thought I looked like a "movie star" it would have to be Jabba the Hut .....Ok I am being a bit hard on myself. But if we can't laugh that is a sad situation!
Oh and I have to ask(no response really needed) how come everyone that takes a "selfie" looks good when I try it there is an old lady that keeps getting in the way?
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
Heehee!!
Tell that "old lady" that she is beautiful on the inside!! And that she can Photo shop like everyone else!
You can't photo shop a beautiful heart!!
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I looked in the mirror one day and my hair was sticking up and I looked a total mess. My mother said to me she loved my hair and it is beautiful. I laughed and said to her she is the beautiful one. I feel like I have aged quite a bit lately. Too much stress and now this virus to add on to all the stress. Worried about the antibiotics and other meds my mom takes with a possible shortage due to meds being made in China. May not look like an old lady, but certainly feel like one sometimes.
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
Keep breathing friend!
We're gonna get thru this!
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I am enjoying my jewelry making. I got away from it for awhile when caregiving took over. Now that I no longer have the responsibility of caregiving I have resumed my jewelry making.

I was pleased with my projects before. I wanted to learn a few new techniques. I am fortunate to live near a couple of places that teach the classes that I was interested in.

I was able to expand my knowledge and incorporate what I learned to create new designs. It’s fun!

Anyway, I have sold some of my work. It felt great to be selling a few things again but I have decided to give some pieces away to pamper others.

I am being coached by my millennial daughter that I am out of the loop and working on getting up to speed as far as social media goes. She has informed me that my business cards are out of date and has helped me set up an Instagram page to display my work.

It is therapeutic to create. It’s therapeutic to care for ourselves. When we care for others to the point of neglecting ourselves we are out of balance. God knows that I was in that place for way too long! It is wonderful to get back to discovering myself again.

I also feel it’s therapeutic to create and give some away to others that have neglected themselves.
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
Maybe I should take up wine tasting as a hobby! Lol
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I am 78 and do all I can to avoid said mirrors. When my bro first fell ill my anxiety I think showed in the distress in my face. I have been dealing now for a year and several months, and feel better. But I look the same. 78! You just need a good pamper at a spa, I bet. Not much chance of that I imagine. You did give me a giggle.
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
Amen AlvaDeer!
I think are small town spas are still open!🤗
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every so often I just say "what the heck" and go and get my hair completely redone,, and maybe a massage.. and it really makes me feel better. Sometimes we just need a break for some "me time"..
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2020
You are worth it, Pam! Remind you of a certain television commercial? LOL

Seriously, nothing wrong with a little pampering from time to time. It can help us feel better. You’re not being excessive or vain. You are finding a balance in your life. Good for you!
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Yes as people are saying, you are never the same person. But please take time for yourself. You have to take care of yourself.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2020
Couldn’t agree more, Staff.
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Yes Caring for Family Member, s consumes you. It alters you in many ways as you age and you can never be the same Person again, though only the few can attempt this task and last the coarse. Please do not try to do it all on your own. Avail of Respite Care and have a relief Carer to split the Shift with otherwise You will risk burn out. I now know that It is foolish to believe you can do It all on your own.
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
👍
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Caregiving will totally destroy your life.
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
Do you think we will ever get it back?
Praying as hard as I can to have some semblance of my life from just 6 months ago!
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I think I remember your previous post. Your mother has been difficult if I remember and your aunt lived further away. I think I recall that your husband was opposed. Please correct me if I am wrong.

I believe that I said that your husband was concerned about you. He may have seen the writing on the wall so to speak. You said your aunt was special if I remember correctly.

Others said to care for her at a distance because it would be too much for you. Your profile says that your aunt is in assisted living. Let them do the bulk of the work! I would have loved for my mom to be in assisted living. She wouldn’t agree to it.

This isn’t to say, I told you so or make you feel badly. Your heart meant well. In reality, it is a never ending job! I did it for 15 years in my home until I burned out. Long story but mom is now with my brother and sister in law.

So, how long do you think you can hang on? Sounds like you are on the edge now. Please don’t wait as long as I did to surrender. Go see a therapist and work this out in your head and heart. We stand behind you. Best wishes to you. 💗

By the way, I love my silver locks. I am 64! I earned every one of my silver hairs. I actually get tons of compliments on my hair.
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
NHWM,
You're correct on all counts!
Hubby and I are doing great now!
Things have kinda gotten into a groove with my Aunt. She's doing fine, however she has taken to hiding things. Especially her purse.
I had an awful day with with my Mother !!!
She is really pushing back on the boundaries I have set! A battle of wills!!
She's taken to complaining about me to my brothers (both in different states).
I started counseling last week!
My situation isn't nearly as bad as others. Sometimes you just need to blow of some steam. 😤
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I've been dying my hair for years... , I REFUSE TO DYE THE HAIR IN THE DRAIN.. That , I will toss.
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JOin the club.. Unfortunately... I only have one left... And it's hard... very hard..

If you don't have them in the same facility... I suggest you do... It makes it a 'ONE STOP SHOP... '

It will take so much pressure off you.. I am the only one..My doctor saw me. and asked what happened.. I said I got them into one place.. Yes, he saw the stress lighten..
Mom and I had same doctor.. I scheduled our appointments together.. MOnday, I went in.. I told him: Mom died last night, but thought I should keep the appointment. He said sorry, she was such a hoot, she must have been fun when she was younger.. I agreed...
I just really looked at my hands.. they are withered. and wrinkly.. Thanks for making me look at my skin!!! UGH UGH UGH!!! No anti wrinkle cream will work on these digits... PLEASE DO NOT LET ME LOOK AT MY FACE AGAIN... MY HAIR!! I don't need to look in the mirror,... I just look at the drain.. :(
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
So sorry to hear about your Mom Mayday!
Sorry if I caused you any grief!!
Hang in there!
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Caregiving for the sick and elderly literally sucks the life out of you.
If you're doing it by yourself, and have no time to rest, renew and replenish, then the result is you're aging and dying prematurely.
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xrayjodib Mar 2020
We had an awesome trip planned for some much needed rest and relaxation. It was Italy!!
Oh well... Lol
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