Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Erwin, it's time for some tough love and firm stances. You volunteer to give up your time and risk declining health when you help him. He in turn should recognize and appreciate your sacrifice and be more willing to cooperate. He doesn't get to have things his own way all the time.

And, believe me as well as anyone else who offers the same advice, make a stand now before his refusals become even more adamant. You just don't have to give in to all his demands - it only gets worse.

Raise that issue with him; you're both in this situation together; there has to be some give and take on his part in order to ensure that you're able to care for him emotionally and physically. Don't be afraid to be firm and to refuse to go along with some of his self centered mandates.

So, that means that he stops digging his heels in and refusing to cooperate.

If the meat is too tough to chew, he might have a swallowing problem. Start cutting his meat in little pieces, avoid ham (which is harder for someone with a swallowing problem to chew). Add gravies to ground meat.

Keep a log to see what causes him to choke or cough, if that's happening.

Did you investigate paratransit as I suggested? The transportation costs you're paying are exorbitant.

Cut the Walmart visits to once a month or so. He can get reimbursement from the VA for mileage. After each visit, he should fill out the mileage reimbursement request (in our VA it's on a stand, like a banking stand for completing deposit or withdrawal forms) and generally in the office rather than the medical areas.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Apply for dad to be on Medicaid. In fact, I am surprised he's not on it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you - everyone!

I have made some progress with dad the past few days. He agreed to accept a recliner instead of a medical bed, and it has eased some of his complaints the last two nights.

I was also given a number for the transportation service. I spoke to someone there who said they don't know if they serve this area, but they are going to get back to me next week. I hope they do - it is $1.00 each way to WalMart! I can't do better driving him myself.

I had NO IDEA the VA covered any part of transportation costs - and I had asked! So thank you on that!!! You BET I WILL ask them again. If they paid even half of what it costs my dad to get there it would be a HUGE relief.

Regarding the food, he is adamant he will not eat food that he doesn't like. He will eat the casseroles that one of my friend's mom makes, oddly enough, because it reminds him of my mom's cooking. Go figure...

Insofar as the rest of it goes, he is pretty stubborn, mainly because he feels he been treated unfairly. He tells me that he had worked at five "good jobs" in his life. From these, he had earned two pensions and one 401K. The 401K, and my parent's retirement savings were wiped out when my mom had a heart attack.

The two pensions were raided by management under guise of a court order supposedly to ensure the companies stayed open - they both closed. He is extremely bitter about what he considers outright theft.

When I spoke to him about his bills, he pointed out that he has paid several of them off already, and despite his age and illness has been paying everyone. In his opinion, if they want their money faster - too bad. He also tells me that his car, and his death benefit should handle any unpaid bills upon his death.

He told me more, but I'll post that later. I'm getting tired.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

One thought...see if you can pay the neighbor lady to do some casseroles frozen as individual servings. If she can do a week or two at a time, might be a good thing.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Erwin, how does your Dad feel about Chinese food, or has he ever tried it? In my area we have a wonderful inexpensive carry-out with variety of food, and the food is very good. To cut down on the salt, ask for very little sauce.

My parents [in their 90's] never had Chinese food until I bought some home for them to try. At first my Mom was very leery of it, but once she tried it she was surprised. My Dad finished his whole plate :)
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Thank you!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter