How can one take the constant repetition of questions and the same answers all the time? My Husband asks the same questions and then repeats them after the answers I give. He and I live together at home and only when I can get out do I get a break from them. I have found other ways to entertain him but this does get to me. This is really tough to take.
Once she descended into her own fantasy world where my father, her devoted husband of 66 years, no longer existed, and she was married to the high school boyfriend she hadn't seen since 1945, we knew we'd lost her once and for all. I had nearly three years of conversing with a stranger who knew me as a friendly face but not as her daughter, because Mom and the boyfriend weren't old enough to have a 60-year-old daughter -- they were forever sixteen years old and in love.
Try to understand that a person with dementia is like a small child in many ways. Remember the days when you were asked "Why?" a hundred times a day by a toddler, and you'll know how to handle your husband's repetitive questions.
With patience.
The good news is that this too shall pass. I’m sure some loved ones are more repetitive than others but my DH aunt did that quite a bit in the beginning and then it tapered off.
Today her repetitive question is “what happened”. She is asking why is she in bed, with an ice pack on her foot…. I assume. Her sentences are pretty short.
Some days I tell her the whole story of how she fell etc.
Some days I say well I got old…
Or … we are having a pandemic
Or…the little boy who went blind at 7 is now playing football.
She seems to like one answer as well as the other. and she usually only asks once.
I think the key is to learn how to roll with it or it will drive you wild.
Try training yourself to do three slow Kegels before answering his questions. Lower your shoulders. Do something simple that is beneficial and relieves your anxiety.
I’m sorry this disease has happened to you and your husband.
I hear you.
For me, it’s especially hard when my mother doesn’t believe my answers to her same repeated question.
In our case, deflection doesn’t work. Changing the subject doesn’t work. She just leaves her room to go out and ask the caregivers the same questions.
She must ask them how she will get her next meal, a hundred times a day. That is not an exaggeration. She forgets she’s asked. Then, she won’t accept the answer. Rinse. Repeat.
Sigh.
So it became a challenge. Can I control myself and answer her with the same loving tone she deserves on the 10th time she asks the same question? How many times can I answer the question _slightly_ differently? Is she asking the same question because she's anxious about something? What could it be? Can I relieve her anxiety?
I became aware of the little ears that were watching me when my little grand-nephew (who loved to visit his great-grandma every day) would answer the question for me.
It was so hard to cope with when it started but somewhere along the journey it became much easier; maybe because I accepted this outward manifestation of her disease when she seemed so "normal" otherwise? Mom has been gone in a physical sense for three months now. What I wouldn't give to go back to those early days when her repeating questions was my big challenge. You have started a journey filled with sadness and frustration, responsibility and indecision, moments of self-doubt but also filled with moments of joy when you know you have helped your loved one. God bless and comfort you.