Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I am so very sorry for your loss. I was very close to my father and was also the only one in the room with him when he passed away. I don’t talk about it much because it was very hard to handle. I feel like I understand your pain. I cannot tell you how many hours, days, weeks or even years it will take you to come to grips with this as everyone grieves differently. Having said that, I will tell you that it gets easier. Sometimes I go whole weeks without thinking of him or that day. Sometimes it is as fresh as it was the next day. Personally, I’m a person who grieves with my whole being… mind, body and soul. I sought help from God and received it in so many ways. However, not everyone is religious. If you are, it really helps to seek His guidance and love. If you are not, it might be a time for grief counseling. I have lost more loved ones than I can count in my life and they just don’t get easier right away. I am holding back tears right now as two of those loved ones were in the last 6 months. The only advice I can offer is to make a scrapbook, or a vision board, or something like that, and include as many things to add to it that you can find which remind you of your dad. Try to make each item a GOOD memory… one which makes you smile, even if it is through the tears. When your heart aches for him get this item out and let it help you to heal. You will eventually feel like you can take a step forward without crying. Absolutely don’t worry if you begin to feel guilty for moving forward…it is normal behavior for someone who is going through such a loss and it will fade rather quickly if you don’t give it any energy. He wouldn’t want you to stop living because he did. I hope you find some small comfort from what I could offer. I will pray for you and for your father, may he Rest In Peace. Good luck and feel free to reach out if you need anything. My best to you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
schwester Nov 2021
I love the memory board idea! I regret it didn't occur to me with some of my relatives and friends...thank you.
(0)
Report
I am so sorry for your loss. My sister and I accompanied our Dad on his last journey and it is very painful to watch. Last words are sometimes incoherent. It has been 18 years now and we still miss him terribly but those traumatic last minutes have faded-perhaps after a year or two and turn into loving memories.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

It's only two days. You can't avoid a mourning period. Some things you will be told by well meaning folks, including me, may seem harsh but here is my thought. He was 89 and apparently lived a good long life. You can't see it right now, but his suffering was short and he enjoyed the comforts of home and family till his last days. Many of us will not be as fortunate as your Dad. Work through your grief knowing he lived nearly a full nine decades and was with family till the end. It will get easier and the good memories will eventually overrule your experience with his final moments. Don't dwell on that..make the conscious decision to enjoy a lifetime of good memories, embarrassing but funny memories, vacations and family gatherings. You Dad, and Mom, would want you to do this.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I lost my 22 yr old son. As well as my 57 yr old husband. I would say that with my son, I thought I would never survive it. I am an artist and I believed I could never create again. But eventually I did. Time does heal. But it does take time. With my husband, I felt it was a relief for him to go, both for him and for myself. He was no longer the man he was before stroke. Give yourself time. You might find yourself a stronger person two weeks from now. God bless.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

God bless you!
It will get better overtime. And please know that in his heart he knows you love him and cared for him. Take comfort in that he was also able to express his love to you all and that he was aware you all were there for him. He's in a better place and no longer in pain.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Just try to be happy that he didn't have long term pain and passed fast.
And think of the good and special moments of saying I Love You and him bring able to understand.

I had my sister stay with me the last 3 months of her life and she was in a lot of pain and once she passed I cried for weeks but even tho I was missing her, I knew it was good that she wasn't feeling any more pain.
But, everything reminded me of her.
It will get better with time, lots of time.

Keep happy thoughts and know someday ya'll will meet again in Heaven.

Prayers

Prayers
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Oh desr Avbeuhler,

My sincere condolences. I lost mom 10-15-2021. I was fortunate enough to keep my promise and keep her home until the end.

AND the end was not pretty. What I do is not dwell on it because, when I do, I go to dark places. My faith has helped me through this.

Hospice came in and I replied on God to speak through them. They had similar advice and I did not have to make those tough decisions.

I look back at the fun times we had and I hope that you can too. He is no longer suffering.

Again, my condolences
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I watched my mom die in February and relived her last moments in my mind over and over for about two weeks.
IT WILL GET BETTER.
Now I remember it on occasion but I mostly remember all the good memories.
Be gentle with yourself. It helped me to take moments to focus on the here and now - walk outside and focus on the sounds of nature, focus on the warmth of a hot cup of coffee/tea, savor the taste of something, feel warm water running down your back in the shower, do some moderately difficult exercise that makes you focus.
Plan these activities each day - it will give your mind a break.
I also bought a weighted blanket and used it to help me relax and sleep. It helps calm the nervous system.
Sending you so much love and praying for peace. Each day will get a little bit better.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I had to experience much the same with my husband who died from a brain tumor. Time is the answer. I had to realize that dying can be hard work. It’s not as easy as it looks in the movies. It can be a struggle. I went to GriefShare and I also saw a private counselor because there were many complicating issues surrounding my grief. I’m so glad I did. Reach out for help. There may be grief counseling available through the hospice that your dad had. Your grief is so fresh. Those images will fade and you will make peace with them. It’s just really hard at first. Especially if this is the first time you’ve been with a person when they’ve died.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I'm so sorry. It's just awful to watch someone you love die, even when you know they are living in hell on earth. I held my mother's hand as she died. I was all alone with her and had been all evening and she just was in the bed motionless until she suddenly raised her arms up and made a few little noises and stopped breathing. I had been very strong through her illness and decline and thought I was prepared but, no. I called my father and asked if he wanted to come to the hospital to see her before she was taken to the mortuary and he said no and I was so sad. I'll always remember it, and always be a bit sad, but it no longer haunts me. Give yourself some time. Allow it to hurt for a while. But it does get better. Trust me.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your grief is still so raw and this will take time.

I agree with many here - going through old albums - bring back so many memories that can help replace the harder days. There are far more beautiful memories than sad ones. Even putting together the memorial and grieving with others (hearing their stories of your loved one) will help.

The biggest hug - and prayers for peace and comfort for you and your family.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

You are still very early in this process, so don't expect those visions of him to disappear overnight. I would say be grateful that he didn't linger long in his dying process, as that can actually be more traumatic to witness.
My husband's dying process took 6 long weeks, with him not eating for 41 days and not drinking for about 25 days. And he was in great pain pretty much the whole time, that hospice could not get under control, and I was the one who was with him 24/7. It was horrific to witness, and so heartbreaking for me. I honestly felt like I was suffering from PTSD after his death.
My husband died Sept. 2020, and it took me a very long time to get those images out of my mind. They occasionally try to sneak in, but I stop them and replace them with a sweeter mind picture of my husband, and that seems to work quite well.
So give yourself some time. Allow yourself time to grieve the father you loved, and in time those haunting pictures in your mind will be replaced with more happy ones.
I pray for God's comfort and peace to cover you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

My dad died at home looking like that painting, "The Scream." It was horrifying, particularly because he was fine six weeks weeks before. He just wasted away so fast.

My mother died this part July, and she went from looking like my mother to looking exactly like her father in just three days. I never would have said she looked like her dad, as he was very angular and Mom was chubby-cheeked and round. However, she, too, became gaunt and looked so much like a man I would never have recognized her if I didn't watch it happen before my eyes.

Within a month after their deaths, I couldn't bring up those images in my mind. All I can remember are the darling people my parents were with big smiles on their faces.

Honestly, I think Nature changes our loved ones' looks at the end precisely because that's a short-term image and we won't remember it for long -- we didn't ree them looking like that long enough for that picture to imprint in our mind.

Have faith that this image will fade quickly, and your mind will be filled with the enduring memories of your dad in happier times.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

It is haunting until you start replacing it with other memories.

After my grandmother’s passing, I made a slideshow. The hours of looking through old photos, sifting through all the memories kind of repressed the not-so-nice way she died (she was in a lot of pain and distress, begging for us to kill her).

Try to focus on the good times you shared. They won’t make you feel less sad, but they aren’t as haunting.

HUGS, and I’m sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter