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I've done background checks, there isn't any relation between these people that I can find. I think this guy is trying to scam her. He says he has power of attorney but hasn't produced it after being asked several times. What can I do?
Did I miss your answers to the questions asked of you by other posters? Questions like “Who pays you to care for this friend” and “how did you become her caretaker”. You mentioned “they don’t care about her” and “they had changed the emergency contact from myself, to them” ... who are “they” that you are talking about?
This is clearly a case of someone trying to scam this elderly woman. If you have asked for a POA several times and have been denied it, that is a very obvious sign that he doesn’t have one. So, where has he been these past 5 years? No contact and he expects you to believe he is her son?! I wouldn’t give him another minute of your time. The burden of proof falls on him. Until he can give that to you, I would not have any more conversations with him. Call the police and let them know everything. There should be an emergency number you can call for elder issues even during this pandemic. Good luck and please keep us posted.
why are you taking care of a woman who is not your blood relation? Be very careful, and I would not be caring for anybody unless the court makes you her legal guardian or DPOA, or you are employed by her which paying taxes would prove that.
Good mng, please the one thing you do not do is believe him. Unless he shows up with POA, don’t trust him. If ur gut is telling you he is lying go with it. If it becomes threatening or uncomfortable reach out to non emergency police for advice. Also how did you become the caretaker ? were u friends or through maybe social svcs? I ask only because you may could have maybe an outside agency assist with this issue. Also it sounds like u did some research but I would be very suspicious as well after 5 years and to be honest if he is related and shows up now I can guarantee it’s not because he cares.
Thats very true , they don't care about her well being, or what's best for her. Hell, it was her birthday and they couldn't take 10 mins out of their day to call her! Because they didn't know. She had to go to the ER recently they had changed the emergency contact from myself, to them. The hospital had to contact me, because they couldn't answer any of the doctors questions.
It isn’t up to you to make him prove he is her son. It is up to him to show documentation. I seriously mean not to let him anywhere around the home or inside until you see proof. Call the police every time you see him, It would be easy for him to show prove with a birth certificate or a family member but let the police handle it. I would keep a weapon too in case he tried to hurt both of you. Also, go through all the stuff to see if you can find photos or baby pictures with a name.
Right, I've contacted the police, and they didn't even bother asking him for the power of attorney, or his ID. And he's from out of state as well. So I said screw them guess I'm on my own. I've searched high and low for pictures ,birth certificates marriage license, etc. Nothing I can find . So if and when he returns he won't be coming in this house without100% proof.
According to him they had a falling out, 25 yrs ago. And now he's back to take care of her since she is suffering from alzhiemers and dementia. Weird because she didn't contact him ever in my 5 yrs living here, nor in my 4 yrs prior to moving in to help her because she was alone and had no one to help her
Kevever, I would add that you could try to "trap" him by asking first WHEN he was adopted (assuming facts not in evidence) and watch his expression. If he gasps, becomes annoyed, and asserts he wasn't adopted, then raise the DNA issue. It precludes him from falling back on the pretense of adoption.
If he says he's adopted, ask for the details, and be insistent. Some adoptions are closed but others aren't. One of the sections of the Juvenile Court for which i worked back in the 1960s was an Adoption Section, and I'm sure they did keep records.
Mpieffer, thanks for your kind thoughts on the folks here.
Wish more people in society were like the people on here. I've read so many posts..and so many ppl on this site are selfless, they care, and will take their time to help support and provide solid advice...only intent is to benefit or help others...more than likely strangers...
Too many ppl I've met, in real life, unfortunately are fake, prey on frail, kind-hearted, trusting ppl...lack compassion, ethics, morals...only concerned with self-gain, regardless how badly their actions negativity affect others.
Having said that...I agree with the replies I've read...Please be careful, be weary...I've put myself in the position many times to blindly fall victim of others' schemes...and seemed history constantly repeated itself....took a lot of self-analyzation to change my psychosis...I allowed myself to be the victim...too trusting...too caring...and a story for another day...I realized why...bc of my views of myself and others due to past experiences .
I will say please be careful...trust yourself, protect yourself..
those that consistently put others down do so because of their insecurities...believe in yourself...
Ask if the "son" is willing to take an DNA test. These tests are easy to get from Ancestery.com and 23andMe. They cost around $75 dollars each.
If the "son" refuses to take a test, then you know something isn't on the up and up. Or he may then claim he is a step-son or adopted. If the son says yes, the lady you have been caring for would also need to take the test. It's mainly spitting into a tube, and sending off the samples.
This does sound like a scam. Do you live with her or does she live alone? If the latter does she have an alert pendant, lock box on the exterior of her house where a key can be stored for emergency personnel?
Does she have any family photos? Anything that might show a son or other relatives?
Adult Protection Services maybe able to help but they might not be open. If not, call the police. Tell them the circumstances. Ask how you can prove this man is who he says he is.
In the meantime, do not allow him in. Tell him you need proof who he is by providing a birth certificate. He also needs to provide a POA that has been signed by your friend and assigned by her to him. Until he does that, you cannot in good conscience allow him in.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If the lady doesn't recognize him and if he can't prove who he is from Old Photos, Birth Certificate, Drivers License, Blood Test,, Ect.
Call the Police to have him prove who he is before letting him in the house.
Finger Prints should do the trick.
Maybe he's been in Jail the last 5 yrs or maybe he's taken over the identity if the ladies real son.
I've searched high and low for pictures ,birth certificates marriage license, etc. Nothing I can find . So if and when he returns he won't be coming in this house without100% proof.
Does he say how or why he believes he is her son?
What do you know about your friend? People can have secrets.
Kevever, I would add that you could try to "trap" him by asking first WHEN he was adopted (assuming facts not in evidence) and watch his expression. If he gasps, becomes annoyed, and asserts he wasn't adopted, then raise the DNA issue. It precludes him from falling back on the pretense of adoption.
If he says he's adopted, ask for the details, and be insistent. Some adoptions are closed but others aren't. One of the sections of the Juvenile Court for which i worked back in the 1960s was an Adoption Section, and I'm sure they did keep records.
Mpieffer, thanks for your kind thoughts on the folks here.
Too many ppl I've met, in real life, unfortunately are fake, prey on frail, kind-hearted, trusting ppl...lack compassion, ethics, morals...only concerned with self-gain, regardless how badly their actions negativity affect others.
Having said that...I agree with the replies I've read...Please be careful, be weary...I've put myself in the position many times to blindly fall victim of others' schemes...and seemed history constantly repeated itself....took a lot of self-analyzation to change my psychosis...I allowed myself to be the victim...too trusting...too caring...and a story for another day...I realized why...bc of my views of myself and others due to past experiences .
I will say please be careful...trust yourself, protect yourself..
those that consistently put others down do so because of their insecurities...believe in yourself...
Take care,
If the "son" refuses to take a test, then you know something isn't on the up and up. Or he may then claim he is a step-son or adopted. If the son says yes, the lady you have been caring for would also need to take the test. It's mainly spitting into a tube, and sending off the samples.
1 for the "son" and 1 for "mom"
Does she have any other contacts that you can check with or ask about this person?
Stay safe!
The law will not just take his word for it, especially since you have run background check and can find not link to your client.
Does she have any family photos? Anything that might show a son or other relatives?
Adult Protection Services maybe able to help but they might not be open. If not, call the police. Tell them the circumstances. Ask how you can prove this man is who he says he is.
In the meantime, do not allow him in. Tell him you need proof who he is by providing a birth certificate. He also needs to provide a POA that has been signed by your friend and assigned by her to him. Until he does that, you cannot in good conscience allow him in.
Who pays you to care for this friend?