Follow
Share

Some of you may know that my 73 y/o aunt, who has been somewhat mentally handicapped since birth, fell and broke her ankle on Feb. 13, 2021. She has lived on her own since my grandpa died, but the Covid year was hard on her because I couldn't visit her. After she fell, she didn't think to call me or my mom for about 9 hours! When I got there, I saw bone poking through and I called 9-1-1.


She became extremely disoriented after the surgery, talking crazier than usual. She's been in a very good care facility since the hospital. Last time I saw her (about 2 weeks ago) she answered a question with the unrelated word "seven", which was completely illogical.


I had to leave town (for a 'caregiver's respite because she's one of five elders I care for). I left her in the care of my mom, her sister, and the facility for 10 days. Now I just found out from another family member that my aunt is dying - she's refusing to eat, won't talk, has become unresponsive, will barely drink water!!!! I get back tomorrow night and I will go see her on Saturday, hoping she recognizes me or at least finds some joy in my visit. We have been as close as possible, esp in the 2 years before Covid.


The social worker said that at her age, considering her previous mental condition, she may NEVER recover from the general anesthesia. I'm wondering if this kind of shutting down is normal, and if any of you have had the experience of someone (relatively young) just refusing to eat, drink or even respond? Any suggestions on what I can do to help jolt her back into her own life, albeit a limited one?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
My mother had a moderately severe stroke on 2009. She was paralyzed on her right side and lost her ability to speak. In Dec of 2011, she fell out of her wheelchair for the third time. After I ripped a strip off the Director of Nursing (long story for another day) I told them to let her eat her meals in bed. Mom kissed my hand and said thank you.
Shortly after that, she started to stop eating. She would only eat a couple of bites of her entree and her dessert. When she quit eating dessert, I knew things weren't going to be great. The day she refused to eat some chocolate candy my sister sent, I knew it was time to call the family. I asked Her if she was tired and she said yes. I asked if she was ready to go and she said yes.

Her grandkids all came see her and say goodbye. She died in January 7.

I know she wasn't hungry during those last 2-3 weeks, as she was always very demanding about her meals. She was just ready to die.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

SeniorStruugles,

It's not uncommon for our elderly LOs to become disoriented after a fall let alone general anesthesia.

IMHO, the human spirit is incomprehensible!

As far as jolting your Dear Aunt back to lucidity, I think it depends on her will to live.

Just love on her as much as you can! Leave nothing unsaid! And let your Aunt mentally decide!

God bless and (((Hugs)))
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Yep, my mom went in the hospital on December 17, 2020, and hasn't really eaten since. Ensure seems to be keeping her alive, but she just seems to be done with it all. It's hard to imagine, because my mother has never missed a meal in her life, but she's no longer interested. Her dementia is considerably worse since the hospital stay, too, so I think the systems are just shutting down bit by bit, and that's OK.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It would seem that the nurse has proven right in this instance. It really isn't a subconscious decision to die; we don't make such a decision subconsciously. The is likely ready to leave this struggle with no upside and continual downward slides. She is unlikely to return home now. She is almost certainly more than ready for peace. Please consider hospice now.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
NYDaughterInLaw Mar 2021
I agree with you and your assessment of the situation.
(1)
Report
Given her frailty, at 73 she is not "relatively young". Once a person hits their 70s, they are considered old chronologically. That is why general anesthesia must be undertaken with great caution because old bodies do not clear the drugs easily and the brain fog afterward often does not completely lift. Many 70-somethings are in great shape but your aunt isn't among them. I'm sorry that your aunt is shutting down. Rather than jolting "her back into her own life" it may be time to get her a palliative care consult and consider hospice. Some people spring back even once on hospice; however, if your aunt doesn't, you've focused on her quality of life for whatever time remains.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I agree with the suggestions below.

Delirium is very common after a surgery or infection.

My mom is 74 and had a stroke 2 years ago. Since then UTI brings on odd and strange behaviors. She also now has severe reaction to Any antibiotics - some antibiotics are worse than others (so we try to use the least reactive ones - she can never have cephalosporins - her delirium triggered encephalopathy for 3 weeks and it took her over a month to come back from that). So with her brain injury any antibiotic creates delirium which can cause her to not be able to eat and swallow and talk crazy. It usually takes a few days after the last dose till she becomes more alert to eat and drink again on her own. Also have her electrolytes checked -low potassium - sodium etc can also cause strange behaviors and these become low when they are not eating and drinking properly.

prayers sent your way. It could be any of the above and it could take a few weeks or longer to see her start to get back to her baseline 🙏🏼
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh my goodness, SS, I am so sorry about this unfortunate situation. You have been through the mill.

I will pray for a positive outcome.

Please keep us posted on your sweet aunt.

Take care.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

73 is not that old but I personally know a healthy, clear-minded 70+ yr old who went in for should surgery and after the anesthesia was never the same person. Or in your aunt's case if she was/is catheterized for her surgery, please have her checked for a UTI.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am not a professional, was not there & am just offering my guesses;

"she fell, she didn't think to call.." neuro event caused fall / hit head / shock

"bone poking through" shock

"disoriented after the surgery" delerium, quite common

"unrelated word "seven"
stroke is 1st guess, but could be something else

Have head MRI or CT been done? To rule out bleed/stroke/other neuro causes?

"what can I do.." just wait 😞 Be her advocate. Hold her hand, talk to her. Report any changes to the medical staff.

Your Aunt has had an awful fall. Time will tell what level of recovery is possible.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Short answer, yes I have seen this refusal to eat, drink, respond, many many times (I work in acute care).

I may call it refusal if turning head away or shutting eyes.

I may call it inability of unable to squeeze my hand or open eyes on request.

I'll add more, be back soon. So sorry this is happening.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter