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Just found this thread. Johnny, did you place your friends in AL? I ask because me and my siblings put our folks into an AL. in Jan. They too, would not go anywhere without the other. Dad had some dementia issues and has not gotten a lot worse, However, Mom was just starting down that journey and the move did cause a further slip, but because he wanders and they both forget daily things, The AL was the best thing we did for them. Now they are kept clean and fed and are around people with similar backgrounds and age. We know they get their medicine at the right time and our visits can be focused on any immediate problem or joy, whichever!! God Bless You!
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Yes, we were able to get the husband to agree to leave their condo in order for his wife to receive better care, and he needed to be with her as she is lost without him. The adjustment went surprisingly well and we had their sitting area arranged just like home with the same furniture and tv, so it felt comfortable right away.
There is a complication now, however. The wife is resistant to some of the help she needs and while they were trying to get her to take a shower and she was pushing the attendant away, the husband slapped her shoulder to get her attention and cooperate. She did little slaps back on his arms and it is a big deal now with the facility wanting some action plan in place if this occurs again--like separate rooms or separate beds so they won't be so bothered at night when they want the wife to get up and go to the bathroom because she keeps urinating all over the bed, even while wearing something to catch it. The husband doesn't want them to bother them so he can sleep, but can't agree to separate beds and thinks this whole hitting thing is a bunch of B.S. He's never abused his wife and doesn't think these open hands "hits' on the arm for attention purposes constitutes anything significant. Frankly, I agree. So one of the options is to go back to their condo and have 24 hour care provided there by another agency. It's more expensive than assisted living/memory care, but cheaper than having 24 care in the assisted living/memory care unit. They have been happy with the facility and I have suggested that the attendant for the wife just use verbal reminders for the husband to not touch her when they are trying to work with her. Verbal encouragement would be fine, but nothing more. The AL facility wants more draconian measures in place to protect their butts. I don't have any other good answers. The wife looks for her husband whenever he is not with her. She won't go to bed unless her husband is already in it. She really needs to be with him and he is not an abuser in any way, so I am getting frustrated with the "rules" and their need to have unsatisfactory alternatives "ready." Perhaps another reader can provide insight from the nursing perspective why such contact is a big deal.
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I understand the 'lost' part as Mom is that way with Dad. Partly because he wanders and she doesn't want him getting too far away, but she depends on him for everything emotional you could think of.!! I guess 66 years will do that to any couple?
The AL will have to have someone to divert the husband while someone else is working with the wife. Not an expert, but maybe a smaller size for the wife's incontinence briefs and then bed liners, too Then if they can limit what she drinks after about 3 pm. Just some thoughts. Anybody else?
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