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I think you are on the right rack.

This is a situation where you need an outside evaluation. First, it will help you to see that neither you nor your dad are crazy; second, it might make an impression on your mom. In our area, I was able to have this done by an outside observer from the Area Agency on Aging. It was her opinion that my mom needed to be in AL. From that point on, it was much easier for me to talk about things as if I wasn't he bad guy making the decisions and doing wrong. I also had my mom's doctor on board. Do you have people on board to support you with your plans?

You might want to think about A) discussing this with your dad. If you get him on board, and then half the battle is won. B) what about having your Dad move out--even just temporarily. He could do a respite--that would give him a break and might make an impression on her. Or not--if she is far down the road as is the case for many on this site. for sure, have him out of there when you move your mom. He does not need to experience that.

It really does sound like your mom needs meds to calm her down and adjust her mood. But if she won't go to the doctor... You need to get her attention somehow. I agree with freqflyer, that a trip to the ER might help. It would get her some medical attention and a referral, I am sure. It might also get her attention.

Good luck and stay in touch. Let us know how it is going.
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I know you mentioned that your Mom doesn't like doctors, but it could be possible she has an urinary tract infection, her outbursts are very common with UTI's in the elderly. Tell her she will lose her health insurance if she doesn't go to the doctor once a year [yes, it's a fib but sometimes we need to do what we can to get an elder good medical care].

If she still bulks at going to the doctor, try some over-the-counter UTI control pills, such as AZO, until you can get her to a doctor. I assume she's not on any type of prescription meds since she doesn't go to a doctor.

In some cases, grown children had to call 911 and a trip to the ER when a parent was raging to find out what medically was going on.
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