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OMG. After 2 months of my mom not bothering me about my credit card payments, she calls me today. At first we talked about other things. Then she says "I know you are 41 and all but I just want to know how your credit card is doing". Stupidly I told her the amount I had on the card and she starts ranting and raving "Is that ALL? I let you do it yourself because you said you could" and on and on and on. I can't believe her. It's MY credit card and MY life. Why won't she back off? I don't want to lose my relationship with my mother but if this does not stop I may be forced to get nasty. Enough already!
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Don't you just hate it when words come out that you didn't want to? Lesson learned.....have a ready supply of responses available. Good luck.

P.S. she is probably hating herself for asking, too. My oldest has financial challenges and sometimes I can't help myself and ask about the credit card or other things that I KNOW I don't want to know about. Then I explode when I hear his answer and beat myself up for a long time afterwards for asking.
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Speaking from 20/20 hindsight - DON'T EVER DO IT!
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Actually, elmopalooza, you do want to lose that particular relationship with your mother. You very much need to lose it.

kdcm1011 has good advice: practice some answers. Practice at least once a week in case she doesn't bother you for a few weeks and catches you off-guard. "I'm handling it, Mom." "I don't talk about my finances over the phone. Say, do you remember that spice cake you used to make, with apples? I'm looking for a recipe like that." "I'm keeping track of things. Are you going to the church supper next week?"

The basic point is 1) I'm not going to discuss my finances with you and 2) Let's talk about something else. Keep those 2 points firmly in mind. And then DO NOT discuss your finances. Don't say "I owe $x." Don't say "I've worked out a new payment plan." Don't say "I did pretty good last month." DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR FINANCES TO ANY DEGREE.

You might also try, "Why do you ask, Mom?" But it is safest to simply refuse to go down that discussion path. If you have to, you can say outright "I'm not discussing my finances with you Mom. I've got to handle this myself."

Try to avoid being nasty. But remember that this particular aspect of your relationship is one you really, really want to lose.
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DONT do it!!! Be honest. Tell her you want your independence and privacy and that is more important to you than saving expenses. Period.

Keep saying it. When she keeps bringing it up, suggest she find a roommate her own age if it is important to her to share cost of living, but that you choose to live on your own.
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Yes. Run.
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Stand your ground. Trying to reason or argue with an intrusive person only keeps the door open for more emotional blackmail. You might find seeing a therapist helpful in securing your freedom. Your mom knows just what buttons to push because she's the one who put those buttons in when you were much younger. A therapist could help you defuse those buttons.
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Write down the words NO, It's Fine, and I'm not talking about that subject with you any longer" and tape them to your phone. As Jeanne says, role play in the mirror with the phone at least once a week.
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Anybody had any experience with dealing with this kind of person by just being "nasty"? On several occasions, I found that this tactic just stopped them in their tracks.
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Nasty replies work. But then I end up dealing with the aftermath- guilty conscience for being so disrespectful to my elders. Like Cmag said, they programmed us at an early age. Therapy will help if you're willing to go against such brainwashing ideas. I couldn't do it. But I have had others tell me that they were able to break out of the patterns set in our childhood.
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Book, you need to tighten up your definition of "disrespectful" is what it is. If you are reasonable and you are courteous and all you have done is politely decline to discuss a subject that is no business of the person you're talking too… well, where's the disrespect in that?

Have you tried silence and a smile? Big hugs to you, I know early habits are *really* hard to break.
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Sigh...no, CM. Father and I get into yelling matches. Trust me when I say that I can be quite disrespectful verbally. I have always - since a child - had a problem controlling my temper. I had struggled with it until ... I became 'religious' in my early 20's. I was so shocked (several times) when I did not go into a temper tantrum like I usually do. That's how I knew that religion had entered my heart. I have my temper back and .. it's a no holds bar when we argue. Yes, I can keep silent .. except his mouth goes on and on and on.. until I lose my temper.
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Book…

(this is my little devil getting the better of me)

Good for you!!! And don't apologise! God sees both sides of the argument, don't forget.
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I can't afford therapy. Problem is that I have already told her before that It's MY credit card and that if I screw it up it's MY problem and she still can't get it. I don't want to get nasty but she is pushing my buttons and I have had enough.
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elmo, keep control of the convo - calmly state that you will not be discussing your finances with her now or in the future. That either the convo moves on or you will be ending the phone call. Then do it.
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Best advice so far, Linda22 !!!!
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