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What about a debit card or a gift card? No cash to hide or lose, (or be stolen) plus there'd be a record of all purchases. Elders do forget, etc., there are those who prey on them as well. I know of one case, where the worker confessed. Dementia is the perfect alibi for a theif.
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My mom has been in AL for 5 yrs. When they listen to another resident saying their stuff was stolen, then others believe it happens to them also. My mom hides everything now, I spend hrs looking for stuff. She fell recently and 1st day in rehab after hospital, she claimed someonne took the cookies I brought her! I told her I did not leave any cookies. I am clearing out her apt in AL while she is gone to eliminate lots of stuff, have finally found the missing scissors(found my accident in the bottom of a wipes container that did not contain wipes, but seterile gauze pkgs.
been looking these for months. she even claims people come in a steal stuff, then when she finds it days or weeks later claims they brought the stuff back!! she mainly has short term memory loss--hate to see when it gets worse
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My mother has moderate dementia. She complains the housekeeper stole her "good clothes", her coffee pot and "some other things". She heard someone had something stolen and she won't let it go because of the dementia. They don't remember what they did five minutes ago, think people are stealing, and see everything in an odd way. We just shake our heads and say "uh huh" and don't argue or pursue it further.
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I am getting to the point where I also forget where I stashed stuff, and I am the care giver. In my head I go to "some one took it". (Embarrassing confession) Then a day later I find it. And I am the care giver. I chalk it up to being overloaded. Thank goodness I don't say out loud what I first think.

If you really want to know what goes on, put one of those nanny cams in your mom's room. They have ones that can be viewed on your phone. That may give you peace of mind. It gets confusing when part of the time you hear don't disregard what your parent (or child) is telling you, and they are demented, do trust what they say. I am one of those seeing is believing people.

I also wonder if there is a way to set it up so you can pay mom's bill once a week for example.
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I am thinking Sweetpeas knows her mom better than anyone of us and knows what she is capable of doing... thus the suspicion with the caregivers. Give this woman a break. She honestly thinks the money was stolen. She took the right path. Now she needs to not allow money to be present. My mom has home/health aides in a senior living apartment. There was $10 missing from her laundry money this week. If I want the aides to do the laundry, I have to leave some money but not as much as I had in the kitty. I am learning.
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It happens, even in the best of facilities. But it isn't always theft. I talked to a nursing home administrator, and there was hoopla about theft, and goods were found in strange drawers, under beds, in other residents rooms. They have a name for residents who appropriate other residents things: "shoppers". So you see it is common. Someone once went to a local TV news channel and they did a report. Turns out the item was stolen by a resident's family member. It was a necklace, and the family member thought Granny wouldn't miss it.
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In my aunt's case, both were true. She did actually have money missing, but we think that a lady she hired to 'tidy up' the room took advantage and asked her for more money than she was supposed to get. The staff also admitted that a teen who visited another room was prowling around and may have stolen her social security card. On the other hand, she would give us a little money for taking her places and then would forget that she had done it. We tried a locked box, but then she would get upset and forget where the key was or think that her account had been wiped out.
It got even uglier - we were the only ones nearby and had to get her things like underwear, toiletries, and would buy her little snacks that she liked. She had another friend who would also do similar things. Her family, living across the country conveyed to the director that we were 'taking advantage of her' by getting money for things that they felt like she didn't need ( like underwear?) so her funeral was a very dicey situation. I had to deal with a terribly rude and angry administrator. No one spoke to each other at the funeral. We were caught in the middle.
YOU will have to look after her money, and if she only feels secure with some money in her room, give her just ten dollars. Money is not safe in a nursing home ,and not safe with someone who cannot remember from day to day.
Even if the staff IS stealing, most families and residents are afraid to bring it up for fear of retaliation.
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My mom is living in an AL facility for 2 months now & is having a hard time adjusting. My mom is now blind & we know that adds to her anxiety. She complains to my brother, who lives nearby & has been doing so much for her. She even complains to me during our long-distance phone calls. She has not been diagnosed with dementia, but after reading the above comments, I think she may be headed that way. She constantly complains that the staff come in when she's not there or when she's sleeping & adjusts her air conditioner. She also says that they have helped themselves to her coffee; she has a small Keurig. My brother has asked several times for a psych evaluation; even before when she was in rehab. Mom said she met with the psychologist last week & told him what he wanted to hear because "he's not fooling me, I still know what's going on; I'm not senile." My brother asked to meet with him next week. He wants to see both my mom & my brother.
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Put a nanny cam in your moms room, see what happens when shes not there.
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There is no way to tell if the money was really stolen, or hidden somewhere by your mother in a moment of anxiety. Every time my Mom had money missing we always searched, and always found it. I think the first assumption should be "misplaced" and not "stolen". Agreeing with the "stolen" assumption and calling the police would seem to me to only validate and encourage a dementia patient's paranoia and fear of being surrounded by evil doers. It could be your mom wants her $50 cash a week. Since she is now forbidden from getting it out of the bank on her own, she is hoarding it so she can purchase shampoo without first getting clearance from the trust. Did you scold her for getting the money out before she even posed that it was stolen?
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My dad hit money inside his pillow case so no one could steal it But they did. "They stole my money!" All was fine until one night he had an accident in his bed and when they removed the money they pulled off the pillow case without him thinking to say anything. Later, he realized his money was gone and didn't connect the two. "They stole my money".... I suspected that hadn't happened and told him "its got to be here someplace. lets look". We "looked" and "looked" until he got tired of looking and started talking about something else. Little while later they brought back his linen and handed him a pile of ones and fives. "This was in your pillowcase, Jim. Now you have laundered money". oops.

Since then, someone took valuable rings out of the room next to his. The staff acknowledged and called the police and even told me about it so that I had the ability to take any valuables out of his room (there were none except the small amount of money I was ready to lose if it happened). The facility did their investigation and one of their new employees was questionable so they began asking her for specific detail on her visits. She quit. There hasn't been an issue since.
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I don't hate you guys. I really do appreciate the comments. I know everyone has different experiences and I know that it is unpredictable what people with dementia will do. It is such a stressful and heart breaking thing to go through which you all know. We decided to ask for a refund on her trust account so she can't access the money herself. I will have to give her money when she needs it. It makes me mad that she can't leave money in her room without it disappearing,but I guess that's how it is for now. I will just have to hear her cry and whine about not having any money because she can't hold on to the reasoning for our decisions.
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my story remains unchanged . sometimes lowlife employees steal , sometimes elders do strange things with their stuff . we learn at a pretty young age tho that false accusations are really embarrassing for all parties . my aunt likes to give people things so whatever i take to her i can count on it disappearing quickly -- but its for her enjoyment and giving is what she enjoys ..
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My MIL was always haveing clothes and stuffed animals disappear while she was in rehab, even though FIL did her laundry. I think some of went with her sheets to the laundry. However, she also accused all the black/foreign staff of stealing things, like her free shampoo, etc. Like who whould take the free stuff? It;s crap. I know.. I work in a hospital! My mom, while in rehab had no problems. Different places... So they may be stealing her stuff. or she may just think they are. They come up with very creative hiding places... Don;t hate us, we really are trying to help
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Ba8 it's okay. I am fine now :)
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Sweetpeas, if I made you feel bad, I'm sincerely sorry. This is a terrible disease, dementia, and we are not clinicians or experts; were just troops in the trenches, just like you are. We've been here for a while and can only offer what's happened to us. As you've seen, there are people who've been in facilities where there is theft and places where that is not what is happening. Read the responses and decide for yourself which ones fit mom's situation.
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Good advice MKEgal I will look into those suggestions the open records report and the state agency. I also like the idea of the "conterfeit" play money idea! :)
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And if she insists she needs to have some cash, get some fake/play money, or make slightly smaller color copies of real money (so it's legal, can't be mistaken for real by people in their right minds). Maybe even make the fronts one denomination & the backs all $1. Or $2, those were neat.
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Do an open records request through the police department for all records / reports of theft at that facility in, say, the last 6 months or a year. That will tell you if there's a problem or if it's just your mom. (Yes, other people could have been intimidated out of making reports, but not all of them.) Also check with the state agency overseeing the facility, request copies of problem reports from them.

And don't let her have cash or any valuables. Doesn't matter if she's the problem or if there are dishonest or desperate (low-paid) workers, if there's no cash there it won't disappear.
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Don't feel bad because of comments here! They are based on personal experience or beliefs; certainly not a reflection of you. The rehab my Mom was in for a few weeks was very nice but we were told don't leave money; however, the jewelry most of those elderly women wore would have been of more concern for me.

There were some mobile residents who would wander and go through night stands and things setting around. The nurses were always chasing someone down to check their pockets or walker baskets. One gentlemen collected paper cups! It is just a different world these dear ones live in.
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Eyerishlash and Ilovemom thanks for your advice. I did think it was strange that if she was going to do something with the money she would have taken it all out and not leave $4 in her wallet. The person that took it took the four ten dollar bills and left her the four ones so she would think "maybe I didn't take out my $50 this week". She hasn't had any money in her wallet for a couple months since the last time it was stolen but this week she had taken it out of her trust because she wanted to have some money in case she needed it. We will have to take it all out so she can't do that again, but it is not her fault it was stolen.
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Whether you want to believe it or not MaggieMarshall money DOES get STOLEN from places like this all the time. I am not pin pointing it on any specific person, but is has been happening to other residents as well just recently. This site has always been positive not mean and degrading. Know I feel worse than I did.
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Sweetpeas, I definitely believe that money was stolen.

I had a patient in a facility who had dementia and she was interested in geneology, had done extensive research on her family before she became ill. Her niece asked my opinion on getting my patient an iPad. I told the niece that I thought it would be stolen.

A month or so goes by and nothing happened to it. I taught her how to use it (sort of) and she enjoyed pecking away at it. One day I come in and it was gone along with the charger. I searched the room. I reported it to the facility and they searched the room. It was gone. I didn't feel like gloating exactly because my patient was very upset but I thought it was careless to bring in a $600 computer into a facility where anyone can waltz into the room and take it. I'm sure it was one of the staff, without a doubt. And we had the iPad hidden too and someone still got to it.

If your mom had large bills and then several smaller bills and it was the larger bills that were taken that would lend credence to the certainty that it was stolen and not misplaced.

When my dad was in the NH he wanted some money on him. He said he'd feel better if he had some money so I gave him a $20 bill. The next day it was gone. I believe he stashed it away somewhere and forgot where he put it and I never gave him more money than he could afford to lose after that.
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Maybe write on back of pre-paid card, the name of person, and MUST SEE ID. It may help.
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Can yo put some kind of camera system in the room? Probably not. My grandmother had clothes stolen all the time until aunt put her last name in sharpie pen across the back of them. they didn't like her last name, i guess. It stopped. Cash that is harder to track. Perhaps, get smaller bills, $5.00 bills. Do not give them an ATM card or other debit card. Give them cash when they think they may need it, or set up an agreement with in-care needs ie; hair dresser etc.. Perhaps a pre-paid card or out of facility travels?
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Sweetpea, it's because accusing people of stealing is a very serious thing to do. Your mom has dementia. Period. She cannot be trusted to recollect. Nor can she be trusted to do logical things.

You've now accused staff of stealing, you're spreading the word, your damaging their reputation, AND YOU DON'T KNOW. You have a number of people on this thread telling you that dementia patients do very strange things. Instead of giving staff the benefit of the doubt and simply making sure the opportunity isn't presented again, you've chosen to go to war.

She flushed it down the toilet...she gave it away...she threw it away...she tucked it behind a couch cushion in the common room to keep it safe...she stuffed it inside a book or magazine...hid it in the newspaper...she put it on her food tray under a plate...orrrr someone might-have could-have maybe stolen it.

You've already said she doesn't need money there. Don't give her any more. Problem solved.
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because sweetpeas,
old people do irrational things . my mom accused me of stealing 700 bucks . of course she had stashed it in her rolling walker lid . dementia patients squirrel things ( everything ) away for safekeeping . my moms last year of life was a constant task of finding things shed hidden . no capacity for short term memory . my aunt uses the restroom before we go outside at nh then tells me she meant to use the restroom seconds later .. things get stolen in nh but things get misplaced or given away too .. its a tough call as to which ..
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Why does everyone believe that the money was not stolen ? It is not in her room where she left it and the room has be searched. It is not in her room! Here
Today gone tomorrow. money can not just disappear overnight unless it is being taken.
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When he was about 50, my husband was SURE someone had gotten into our home and stolen $500 while we were gone on vacation. He looked where he was certain he'd put it when we got home, and it was gone. We tore that house UP looking for it. No dice. He suspected his own family and mine!! Lordy!

Six months later, I moved a straw chest in our family room because we were pulling up the area rug . . . there it was, nestled snug as a bug.

And then he remembered. He put it one place, then thought better of it -- and very last minute moved it under that chest. Someone explained to us that he was in such a rush, hardly thinking about doing it, that it never went from his short-term memory to long-term storage.

If one can do that at 50, imagine what a dementia'd old person can do. I would never ever ever accuse staff of taking something of my mom's unless I saw them do it.

But that's just me.
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Sweetpeas, thinking things have been stolen is extremely common in dementia. This happens with people who are living in their own homes with no one coming in but family. I know I had $50 (my watch, my glasses, my hearing aid) and now I don't. Someone stole it.

What generally really happens is "I'm worried that someone will steal my X. So I'd better hide it." "Oh no, X is gone. See? Someone stole it!" Sigh. Some of the hiding places result in permanent loss (the tissue box gets thrown out).

Or the person gives it away and forgets that she did. Or she sets it down on the dining table and the equally demented lady sitting next to her gets up to leave, thinks it is hers, and takes it.

Or, of course, a staff person with a master key could be sneaking into rooms hoping to find one or two residents who actually have cash in their rooms.

I wouldn't put money that the staff person did it.

I know a caregiver daughter who bought THREE replacement glasses for her mom's that were "stolen." Eventually 2 of the missing pairs did show up.

I am sorry that this is happening. I am sorry about all aspects of dementia.
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