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This isn't sustainable.
Would she consider moving more near you?
If not, then I cannot see an option other than placement, can you?
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Dixiepenny Dec 22, 2023
I agree, I'm starting to feel resentment. She won't consider and can't come here, as we don't have bdrm downstairs, and she's set in her ways, stubborn and our ways are much different than hers. She likes everything the same for years and years. She doesn't do stairs, uses a walker most of the time now.
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Obviously, your husband has his priorities mixed up, you come first not his mommy.

Might be time to tell him that you will not be doing this anymore and if she needs that much care, she needs to be in AL.

He is taking advantage of you, it is up to you to stop it.

My mother is 98, this could go on for a very long time and your marriage will continue to suffer, if it lasts.

Stand up and be counted.
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Dixiepenny Dec 22, 2023
Thank you for your encouragement. I appreciate everyone's comments, this is why I decided to come on this site. I need some support to assure me that I'm being used and taken advantage of. Husband feels "well, she's old and she needs help, and lets hope someone cares for us this much when we're in that spot". The thing is, she's healthy and can walk w/o the walker, but she's addicted to the walker and is afraid of falling, she knows that'd be a bad thing.
Of course she don't drive, but allows us to drive her car when we come, so that we can run errands, and etc. I also think she may live to 100 or more, ppl in warm climates live longer. I will start backing off a little more than I've been doing, and let her son go more often, with me coming for a few days during his time there, so that will help me mentally too. We have 4 feral cats who depend on us to feed them, and a big house, yard and bills that we have to take care of too, so that's why we can't go each time as a couple. We recently started paying a person to feed the cats twice daily when we do go for short getaways, in btwn going to moms. Life will change in the future, the question is, when with it change?
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HOME CARE DOESN'T WORK

MIL needs to go into AL.
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Dixiepenny Dec 22, 2023
Agree! I keep telling husband this, but he says "not yet"....
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Welcome, Dixie!

This is an unsustainable situation, for everyone involved.

Does your husband not understand that?

Have you considered saying "I can't do this anymore?"
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Dixiepenny Dec 22, 2023
I've tried saying that, he just says "don't do so much work when you go there" But I really am where I dread going there, I'm a senior citizen too, and prefer to be home and if we go out to dinner or away for a couple days somewhere together, paying cat person, that's good enough for me. Thank you for your advice. I feel like I'm not such a marter now.
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