She always has the same excuse that she isn't feeling well when she cancels. She recently canceled on my sister who just got engaged and was looking forward to talking to her about it. She is in an assisted living facility and we do not feel that she is properly caring for herself. We are pretty sure that she is spending most of the day sitting in her recliner. We got her a scooter and it appears to have not even moved since it was delivered.
Show up...you need to check up on the elderly in the family and not just at Christmas and Easter. I realize Grandma is cancelling and you have good intentions. But it sounds like you're not sure how to handle this.
Also, it's good to let the facilities be aware that there is family checking in and around on a consistent basis.
You need to check for bed sores. Even in the most expensive places, things can turn up that you assume for the $$$ you're paying everything is being taken care of.
Is grandmother drinking enough fluids. Is she wearing clean clothes every day. Does she keep her appointments at the hair salon.
I wouldn't be so trusting to leave it up to a facility to cover all of the bases. I would have my check off list and perhaps, phone once a week with an update.
The Assisted Livings are real estate and there is no assistance. You pay for everything out of pocket. There should be some type of paper trail or evidence of services.
Don't take Grandma's word for it. They get confused and with the Pandemic they had to remain quarantined in their rooms. So it's probably a carry-over.
I hope I was of some help...
What about the fresh air, outdoors, Vitamin D.
You covered a lot of what I didn't think to say.
Good for all of us on AgingCare. Collectively, we are brilliant!
I would suggest you try to speak with your grandmother about this. Ask her if she has ever heard of "agoraphobia". Ask her if she is anxious when "out" and reassure her that you will always be happy to assist her in getting back home when/if she wishes.
Sometimes just having this reassurance is enough to make the introvert more comfortable venturing out.
Exercise is so important for us, just in terms of keeping our bones healthy and moving. I sure wish you luck. But do remember, if ultimately Grandmother's answer is that she is happier staying home, there's not a lot to be done about it.
You were missed!
You don't need permission to visit. Out of the kindness of your heart, show up anyway, and make sure she's OK. You would appreciate it too, if the tables were turned, as long as you always do what is best for her and her happiness. It's not about living as long as possible, but if possible to live as happy as possible.
This is somewhat urgent or certainly needs to be addressed soon -
The other thing to do is contact her PCP about the possibility of grandma being depressed which does happen sometimes. I contacted my mom's PCP after she was hospitalized one time and then refused to leave her apartment, kind of like your grandma. When I explained the situation to her doc, he prescribed Wellbutrin which helped her tremendously.
Best of luck to you and grandma
When elders become elders, they change,
TEEPA SNOW - visit her website, call, do webinars. Excellent professional support.
On the day of a planned event, call the staff to get her ready and only tell them that you are coming to visit (in an hour?). They can even say that you are driving over now so that she cannot respond. Once you arrive tell her Surprise! we are going to to X, y, and z today. This does not leave her any time to hesitate or ruminate.
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