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Love me or hate me, I'm going to get straight to the brutally harsh point. Taking care of your mother isn't your responsibility. Time for a memory care facility visit.

You can't give her the care she needs because she has dementia. This is such a common issue. My aunt was the nicest person you'd ever meet her entire life. She was kind to strangers, she never insulted anyone, she never talked behind anyone's back, but not she will say terrible stuff to your face without holding anything back. "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You're so overweight."

She will accuse you of stealing when she loses something, etc. Dementia changes a person's personality in highly negative ways, so much so, that they aren't even the same person. Having to deal with a completely different irritated and stupidly childish adult is not something you should have to deal with. Your parents weren't dealing with a jaded, irritated, and abusive adult when they raised you. They never had to care for their parents because their parents died early in their 50s 60s without advanced medical care causing them to survive into their 90s with harsh medical consequences. Have you ever seen your mom take 16 different pills each day? They keep her alive past her usual lifespan, but her brain can't keep up and dementia with memory loss sets in.

This is a problem with the United States in general. We have the worst health care on the planet for a developed country, which is absolutely pathetic. In China, the government pays you to care for your elderly parents, because it's such a health problem over there. They, therefore, can expect you to care for your parents with the extra financial help they give you to make up for your loss of income from babysitting your parents/parent. Does America do that? No. American memory care facilities will eat up any inheritance you'd expect to get, which is terrible, but it's your only option. You either allow her to pay for memory care, or you supply the care with absolutely no help from the US government. Disgusting. Just do what you have to do.
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I'm sorry life can be a u know what sometimes. With God u and the family can make it. I sorely, believe if u can contact a therapist, nutritionist and get exercise and that me time u will be fine. mom needs it as well. Maybe if she had her own place or house she could stay there and have someone come in to assist her.
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plz don't listen to the hype. its you mom/parents. no one should ever feel that badly to say its not ur responsibility. how sad. i do agree u do your very best. u don't throw someone away just so someone can baby sit and watch u waste away. bc that's exactly what happens. no ones taking care of u like that. there just taking your money and fill u up with meds or barely looking after u. stop it! look to God for help and he will.
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Late chiming in, but:

1) You have done nothing wrong, so drop the guilt!
2) It is NOT normal for moms to fight with their kids
3) "...she said she didn’t care about my mental state."

The last item is the MOST important - she DOESN'T care. Although she specified your mental state, it shows in everything you've written. She.Doesn't.Care.

Do what you have to and move on. You are NOT responsible for her happiness, and although she has medical issues, she should be quite capable of taking care of dishes, joining others at the table for dining, etc. She's been spoiled by being catered to (or was spoiled well before all this!)

Elder abuse? Yes, you are close to being elder AND you are being abused.

75 years old? That, today, is nothing. My mother lived alone and took care of herself and her condo until her early 90s, when dementia stepped in. If not for the dementia, she could have stayed longer. I have physical limitations, and avoid tasks that might aggravate it, but I am not far behind your mother in age. I take care of myself, the cats under my care, my house, my cars, I even plow my own driveway! I have a neighbor who is closer to your mother's age - she's been on her roof making repairs! She burns wood, and splits what she purchases.

Your mother need to be left in the place you found for her, and you move on. NO guilt. No second guessing. Don't listen to the crap she's selling. You are NOT throwing away your mother, SHE is throwing away her own physical self AND alienating her kids!!!
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