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Well everything just kind of got shot to h*ll. My aunt and my mom got into a fight and my uncle started yelling at my mother to do right by me. My mom wanted to go to a homeless shelter by herself because my aunt has decides to not pay anything else and I know I should go to Florida but I just cant leave my mother alone, with absolutely no help, no way to get to the shelter, no way to feed herself, and no way to even pack her things. I know most of you will think I'm foolish, this was my chance to get out but when my mom won't get help, I just can't leave her, she wouldn't survive and I wish I was being dramatic, she just wouldn't. My aunt called us both ungrateful and my uncle pretty much spent 15 minutes yelling at the both of us. I know living with her would be better than my mother but I don't feel quite comfortable with her either. My mom has discussed me dropping out of night school once more and just being a year behind next year, and I don't have any other option but to do that. I want to be a pediatrician, do you think Medical schools will look at this "gap year"? And I'll suffer for it. I don't want to leave school but its kind of been decided for me that I will be here. In February we will go to a shelter and moms plan is to just stay there until her disability gets approves with her lawyer and if we get enough on her tax return to find a used car to buy outright. And maybe we will get approved for community housing while we're in the shelter. Ive lived in worse, two years ago me and mom were shelter hopping and living in our car until we moved to Illinois but I just thought I wouldnt have to go back to that. I guess I have to however. It all seems pretty hopeless but I just have to roll with it I guess. I just hope this wont totally eff up my future of college and med school. But, at this point, if it does; it does. Im all out of options.
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This is why the state should be protecting you. You are not able to walk away from your mom like an adult would, even though walking away is the best thing for both of you. If you left, your mom would be forced to be responsible for herself. I know how hard it is to leave an ill mom behind, I did it myself when I was 17 and my mom said she would kill herself if I did. I left. She's still alive 30 years later and never even tried. It was scary, but I knew I had to leave in order to have a future. I would not let her steal my future from me.

If you take a gap year as you call it, medical school is NOT going to look at that kindly, and the more behind the normal schedule you get, the less likely it is that you even graduate from ANY college, much less UMiami or go to med school. OMG it is hard to go to med school, and you need a 4.0 in college's honors program to get in. I believe you can do it if you make the move to get back into school now. It is HARD to teach yourself, I have top kids I home school and tutor, and they spend 18 hours a day studying to get into top colleges, You must be focused and taking care of mom and living in a car does not cut it. I slept on plywood in a sleeping bag with my dogs to stay warm, and I was in a more southern state than you are. It was not good for SAT scores, I'll tell you!! I did not go to school until March my Soph year. It was so bad.

Please call your uncle and tell him you want to have a good life. You want to live with him, but you love your mommy like you are supposed to and you need his help. Ask him if he can become your guardian appointed by the state. It's not that you don't love your mom and want her to get well - that is exactly WHY you must leave. Just like my mthr, your mom also has depression and can't see the forest for the trees. You have to leave so she is at the bottom and reaches out (even in anger) to people who can help her. I remember my days of despair and I would not wish that on anyone. I did get back to school for another year before I left, but my dream of doctoring evaporated. I did not have any relatives to ask for help, and my neighbors pretended nothing was wrong.

Shelby, I am praying for you. I am scared for you as well. Your mom need psych care as well as physical healing. If she ever says she would kill herself (or you) you should report that the next time she rages at you and hits you by calling 911 and telling EMS how out of control she is. It is a real threat when moms say that, and it is honestly a call for help. That is the only way you are going to get her in for a psych evaluation, and I wish I had known that when I was in your shoes.

Please oh please Lord help this young lady and her family.
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Shelby, I have a young friend who had a significant alcohol problem when she was a teen. She has said that the one thing she got right during those years was going to class everyday and working at school and getting her high school diploma, no matter what else was going on in her life. A few years later, she was able to get life on track and because she'd stayed in school, she went on to college and grad school. If you quit school now, your mom still won't have the help she needs and you will be greatly affecting your future.
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Shelby your mom will not die if you leave. She will get help elsewhere. Mercy Home is there for kids like you, if your aunt and uncle really see you as an ungrateful child rather than an abused child...but I suspect they are just angry with your mom. You and your mom have been in this boat before and if you want something better out of life you will have to stop going along with it. Help her pack if you want, buy her a bus ticket or a bus pass or persuade aunt to go online and buy it for her since she lost the car, and stay in school. A year off school and a GED instead of a regular diploma absolutely will throw a monkey wrench into your future. Possibly not an obstacle that can't be overcome, but an obstacle nonetheless. Your mother's actually encouraging you to drop out of school is unreasonable and uncaring, and an unfair demand that you be the parent, the responsible one, and take care of her instead of her caring for you or even caring about you. She may be mentally and physically ill, and/or an addict, and that may be the reason for her failure to function as an adult or a parent, but do whatever you can to make sure her failure does not become your failure. Child protective services seems to have failed you, but there is an adult protective services that could be there for her.
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Kiddo, Shelby, please listen.....your mom is dependent on you, if you go to Florida she will follow YOU. SHE WONT LET YOU GO, SHE WILL FOLLOW YOU! As long as she has a partner there to go through this with (you) she thinks it's all fine, as long as your together....if you take off, she will follow you, she says all kinds of stuff to keep you doing what she wants, but she knows damn well she needs you, so she will swallow her pride and follow....trust me. You won't leave her alone to die I promise....just go for a month to six weeks....see if she doesn't start making plans to be back with you. She loves you kiddo, she's just sick. My friend was just like your mom, and when her daughter got away, she found a way to be with her daughter....she's just sick right now and can't see anything but what's right in front of her nose....she acts above it, but she wasn't above taking money from her sister, so I promise as soon as you leave she will be calling her sister to get the money to be with you. Sorry kiddo, but this will be your call, and you can do this. Sure she'll be mad, she'll get over it, she's mad at you all the time anyway...so in the end.....so what? You will get back in school, and that's what matters. Don't miss a year....it could set you back 20. I dropped out and didn't go back for 20 years, it's always next year, or after this...nope. GO NOW, SHE WILL FOLLOW YOU. Don't worry about the big fight, if your aunt sent all that money, she loves her sister and she'll get over being mad, then an adult will help with your moms health care. If you don't do this your moms going to get sicker running around from shelter to shelter, this will save you both. I promise she won't do it alone, she can't, so she'll have no choice but to follow you. Sorry you're only 15 and have to do this, but calling your aunt will probably suck less than calling those idiots at CPS. If she doesn't follow you, or make plans to, then go back to her in 6 weeks. If school and being a dr is so important to you, then trying this is worth it. Time to gamble on yourself....she won't die without you in 6 weeks, she's made it this long before you were old enough to help. Only thing is, you can't tell her you'll come back in 6 weeks, she has to think forever or it won't work. Try it, please, before you throw your schooling away...you can always go back to her if she dosnt follow you.
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Upset, sick and angry adults are not at their best, Shelby. I'm heartened to read that your aunt and uncle are together on seeing that you need to be helped. Your mother is wrong even to consider the option of your being her primary caregiver, but believe me, I'm not *blaming* her for that - she is ill, she is frightened, she does need help. Just not from you. It is NOT okay for you to be bearing this.

You shouldn't be making these decisions, and your mother shouldn't either. I'm sorry that the emotion of the discussion got everybody shaken up and made you upset with your aunt and uncle; but these are the people who are best placed to help you. Trust them. They won't let any harm come to your mother, and they can help you get your life back on track. Please, please let them.
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Shelby do you know what an enabler is? it is a term usually used in connection with people who help alcoholics by covering up for them and even helping them obtain their alcohol. You are enabling your mother by making it possible to continue her destructive lifestyle. What do you think will happen when she gets her tax refund or gets money for disability?
I can tell you. She will continue to gamble one way or another even if it is only at the corner store with the lottery. You will never have money even if she gets an income, she will continue to gamble it away.
Do you want to continue to help her live like this. At the age of 15 and a very mature 15 I might add you are fast becoming part of the problem.
Your aunt and uncle are trying to practice tough love on you both but they do want to help and their anger was because neither you or Mom will let them do what is right. They have seen how the pair of you lived when you were younger they don't want to see Mom take what to her seems the easy way out. You are stronger tan that. You want to be a Dr. you can do it whatever the obsticles put in your way if you are determined. keep your eye on the prize and don't start making excuses about why you can't achieve your goal. You can. You know what you have to do. Go out of the house somewhere your mom can't hear you and ask your aunt to take over. You may not like her rules I understand that but you want be living with her for ever so suck it up for now. That is the best way of getting help for Mom. These are the kinds of decisions Drs have to make for their patients every day. As a pediatrician how would you feel if you had to give a tiny baby painful treatment to enable it to live. If you can't face things like that medicine is not where you belong.
If you can't face calling aunty face to face then write her an email and throw yourself on her mercy. if she doesn't have any then don't bother and get packing for the shelter. You have come so far Shelby please don't give up now. Most of us writing to you have children and grandchildren of your age and really know how we would feel and what we would want to do to help if one of them was in your situation. My own grand daughter is 17 and on the brink of moving forward into a professional future. It does take hard work and sacrifices but we all know you can do it. We love you Shelby
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Shelby, get yourself to your aunt and uncle's home. Have THEM report your mom as a vulnerable adult to APS. NOW!
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Shelby, I think the people on this post have given you some great advice. The only thing I want to stress is that any future plans you make for yourself need tone done privately. You need to take care of you now. Your mom will find a million reasons why you should not leave which is wrong and unfair to you. The idea to call the counselor from your old school is a great idea and also the one to call your aunt without your mom in hearing distance. Call your aunt, give it a try, you will be able to get back in school and you may like living with your aunt. You are only seeing her thru your moms eyes right now. Shelby I am praying for you everyday but the only one that can help you right now is you.
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Shelby ...
You are obviously such a smart caring and articulate person for your age ... and I'm sure you're trying to do the right thing. Just remember days turn into weeks ... weeks into months and months into years and before you know it you'll be in a situation where help won't come as easy as it will now because of your age. With certain things not really sure how APS works but I would think that because YOU are so young they will hop on this fast and get things rolling towards getting you the help you and your mother need. Once you hit what maybe eighteen ... maybe its twenty one and YOU"RE not as high a priority since they will not worry about getting you back into school your case might just be put on a very long list which we all know is never good. Not sure but kind of worried for you about when an entitlement becomes an eligibility which will come with a lot of hoop jumping and waiting and more waiting! Just trying to say the time for you is know ... Please like everyone has said contact APS ... before another day ... week ... month or year passes! I wish you and your mom all the best!
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Shelby, I don't really agree that missing a year of high school will damage your chances at a medical career. Having been a teenage caregiver may even impress some admissions officers in your favor. I think the main focus is on college grades and test scores when you apply to med school. I have a bit of related experience - I practically flunked my last two years of high school due to teenage rebellion and such (actually got kicked out of the National Honor Society), but I graduated college with highest honors and law schools were all over me after I took the LSAT. Of course, getting into a top-notch school and getting scholarships will depend on your high school performance, and this time off may hurt you there. I had to start off in a community college until I redeemed myself with good enough grades to transfer. Then I went to a state university with affordable tuition to finish my degree.

The problem I see is, if your mother is willing to sabotage your life now, there's no reason to think she'll stop when you're in college, or attempting to get into college. There's no guarantee she'll be better medically, and even if she is, there's no assurance that she won't gamble away your tuition money or get the car repossessed when you need it to get to class. I see her as a sinking ship who has no problem taking you down with her. I think you need to get away from her if you are to succeed and meet your goals. I think even her attitude is insidious - she has very low expectations of life, of herself and you. Disaster is okay with her. It's not okay with you, and it's not okay for you. You deserve a better chance. You need to disentangle yourself before you go down with her.
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I cant go to school when I'm shelter hopping guys, and my aunt won't pay for it, she doesnt have a computer or know how to work it. CPS refuses to help and this is the only option.
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And my mom wont follow me, shes too prideful and stubborn to even answer when my aunt calls.
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Hi Kiddo, sorry about the big blow up, but seemed logical that may be coming. Don't take it too hard, often times when we are really pissed at someone it's because they have hurt us inside, something they wouldn't have the power to do, if we didn't love them, ...make sense? It's too bad you got drug into it, no doubt playing defense got you yelled at also, am betting Aunt and Uncle know this, hope it will all blow over.

As far as getting back in school, I know that thinking of replacing kitchen curtains, what color you'd like to paint the wall seems bananas while the place is flooding. But after the water recedes things won't be fully recovered until you get to those tasks and decisions too. More importantly, how will the water ever recede if the rain never stops coming?

If your Mom needs full time care, as long as you are the only one under the same roof with her, how are you ever going to have time for school, (and later a career, a life and house of your own)? If you aren't happy with the idea of forfeiting all those things to be there for her full time, someone else is going to HAVE to be, that is really the only answer. She might not like it at first, but it does look like assisted living is most logical, that gives you time to meet your obligations, but leaves you without shelter. The reason it seems best if you can get her into assisted living in FL by your Aunt, then live with your Aunt and finish school, and both be there to help and see her everyday.

When things got bad for me when I was a few years younger than you are an Aunt and Uncle pulled me aside and offered to take me in. Their kids were younger, and they weren't quite prepared to come up with finances for a car, school for a charge my age, but said they'd figure out something. I didn't take them up for 2 reasons, one I didn't want to hurt the financial future of my sweet little cousins. Other reason, I was concerned about their expectations that I would be, ...much more "child like" than I actually was, heehee, an 8 pm bedtime? Probably some of what you are thinking?

Ditching my Mom with no one to help her, I'd have never done that either. I was often times the bread winner, the one that kept at least some of the utilities on, (it was rare we had all utilities at the same time), I walked to the store, bought soup and bread, carried it home, kept my Sister fed. I know you can't ditch your Mom in a shelter and walk off, you'd never be able to concentrate elsewhere with that kind of worry in your head all day. Talk to your Aunt again, keep trying. I took in my own Niece at several points in her childhood, my 1st priority was always to get her in school, find day care for after school while I was at work, etc.
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Shelby, your situation is certainly difficult for both you and your mother. The information and advice provided in the comments already posted is accurate and in the best interest of you and your mom.

One perspective that you may want to consider is that with professional care given by home health workers your mother's symptoms may actually improve. They have expertise with techniques and insights from experiences that may be very supportive to her overall well-being and make your time with her more about quality of your interactions. Even though she is resistant to this idea, it is necessary. She may thank you later.

Communicate your concerns with her doctors. They can prescribe aide services. Also, be sure to share the emotional issues since these can be due to her condition, possible drug interactions, and/or untreated anxiety or depression. Her behaviors toward you are abusive regardless of her medical condition and need to stop.

I'm so happy that you reached out through this website-- things will get better once changes occur in your situation. You have the ability to make that happen. Consider taking with one of your school counselors as well to get your education back on track. Undoubtedly, they have insights and resources available to support you during this difficult time.

Best wishes!
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Shelby, didn't you say in your first post that your Mom had the option of going into assisted living? Who offered that to her, and is the offer still open? It seems to me that would be way better for her, given her medical conditions, than a shelter. Not to mention better for you all around. Neither of you should be in a homeless shelter. The don't provide a good environment for an ill woman or a teenage girl. There has to be some other way.
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I don;t think Shelby mentioned assisted living, I think another poster did . however, if Mom is "ill " enough, she can call 911... and let the hospital handle it. They will find her a placement, and Shelby can get on with her life in Fl. Mom may not love the placement... but it's better than a shelter. Of course they will not let her go to the casino, gamble away her disability.. But Shelby.. you need to make a hard choice here.. and I would chose you and your aunt and uncle. It may be hard, but it will be more Normal.. and you will have a chance to help your Mom in the future.
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In her original post, Shelby wrote " mom won't go to assisted living, although it's been offered several times". This makes me feel as though Shelby ' s mother is terribly selfish and possibly mentally ill. I mean, what mother in her right mind expects a 15 year old to drop out of High School to be her full time caregiver. Seriously delusional? Incredibly narcissistic? Enmeshed codependency is a sad thing to deal with at any age.
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Opps, sorry Babalou, I missed that.. My bad!
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Sounds to me like your mind might be made up Shelby. The road you are choosing is going to be rough. I'm less concerned about your college dreams being snuffed out as I am your spirit. What you are taking on is daunting for an adult person WITH support let alone a kid on her own.

Remember you always have the option to change your mind so don't let your own pride get in the way if you decide you need to let go of the reins and hand your Moms care over. Wishing you the best.
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Shelby, they yelled at you because they care. So go one more step, take control of your life, even if mom won't take control of her own. Survive.
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Shelby, have been wracking my brain all day. I know a friend's little grown son had been a bit of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". So, when he lost his job due to not coming in, since he did not feel well, at one point his family did not rally. SOME agency DID pay his rent for one month to keep him from becoming homeless. He was in rural setting, I don't remember all these years later like I wish I did, but it seems like the ORG was called "Good Samaritans". Don't know if they are national or not, but they did provide very temporary help on different expenses due to circumstances beyond a person's control. Sorry, just trying to think, keep you guys from losing the place you already have. (Ha-the kid had a potassium deficiency along with Meniere's disease, turns out he was not faking. But by the time a new Doc found it, most of his family had given up on him, all but his Mom, my friend.) An extra month may be long enough to find some resolve otherwise?

Don't be too alarmed by the adult/sibling argument you just witnessed. Sibling relationships can turn on a dime, in 2 seconds, literally, with a well placed "I'm sorry". If this was my Sis and Niece at this point, I'd likely as not just go get them, put them in a part of the house, (basement, spare room), they/we could have some privacy, quiet, ...start sorting out from there. Don't give up on that, as pamstegman just said, (and I guess I did earlier today), if your Auntie didn't love your Mom, and you, she would not be upset right now. Most anger in this world is based on hurt. :-) Hang in there.
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I'm sure she'll follow...as I said before, my friend acted the same, dominated her daughter the same, at the end of the day she followed. Another poster was right, your her enabler and she can't and wont be without that. Why not try it? How bout even tell her you're going and set a date (even if it's not true) just say you're going no matter what and see how she reacts. Keep it up for a week or so and don't waiver, say you're going and that's it...see if she won't budge a little...if she does then you know she will follow. I know she's your mom, right now I'm caring for a sister in law who manulipulates me...no where as powerful as what a mom can do. She's stubborn sure, but she ends up bending if she has to, like when she accepted you're aunts money. She's not stupid, you're her only support who tries for her, no way in h*ll she will let that go...she will hop her happy butt on any means to get to you, so be strong and at least trick her into think your going by next week.i know you can't leave your mom behind...I'd never leave my mom sick either no matter what, I won't even leave my sister in law and she's made herself sick, SO I GET IT. By saving yourself you'll save her too, in fact, this is the only way to save her too...shelter hopping will get her sicker and sicker. GET TO YOUR AUNT, at this point maybe it's not even about school or your future or anything but saving your moms life...sounds like this is the only way. You've shown yourself as a truly caring person so you have to save your mom and FLORIDA and your aunt is the only way....with her illness shelter living is a gun to her head, if it was really a gun you'd knock it out of her hand...going to Florida and making her follow you is knocking the gun out of her hand. She survived shelters before, but she wasn't I'll like she is now...kiddo, you have to act to save your mothers life RIGHT NOW.
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When people say "its my only choice" and its not, really, what's going on? They feel bad about what they are going to do, but not bad enough to do the thing that's harder that they really need to do. Shelby, homeless kids do actually go to school - you quite possibly have other classmates in something closer to your situation than you realize, and they keep it under wraps just liek you probaby have. Tailing along with your mom on her long slow trip to losing everything is comfortable and familiar. I can fully understand not giving it up, but the reality is you are sacrificing or diminishing your chances of going on to anything better anytime soon, and not really helping her, but enabling her to keep on going down that wrong-way, one-way street to nowhere that she has been on for a while now. I'm praying something one of us has said will touch your heart and give you enough faith in yourself to try something different. I'm praying the next adult you have some face time with will not let you down. Print this off and give it to them. If you don't have a printer, private message me a fax number to fax it to and I will send it there.
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Hi Shelby, hope you are still able to read these posts with excellent suggestions. Many people here are praying that you and your mom get the help you need.
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Hey there, Shelby. Just got onto this thread. Hope you're still hanging in with us.

I was reminded of a presentation given years ago at my church called "Dejunking Your Life." (Wish I could find the video that was made then. I could use a refresher course!) One of the suggestions given was to have three persons on whom you can count for support: one to sympathize and comfort; one to brainstorm solutions; and one to kick you in the butt (figuratively) and get you moving towards your goals. Looks like you have encountered all three on this board, but if you could round up such persons in your "offline" life you would have a real live support team. Not knowing all that was said during the "blow-up," I can only guess, but your uncle might have been in the role of #3 helper when he got on your case.

Keep in mind that nobody, whether 15 or 50, can see the whole picture when we are smack dab in the middle of it. Please find some quiet alone time to think, pray, write down your thoughts, make a list of pros & cons, articulate your goals, assess your resources.

Here's looking at you, kid! You are amazing! We all send thoughts and prayers your way...
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I'm sorry honey, but what is going on in your family is child abuse. Child protective services needs to be involved and your mother needs an ADULT CAREGIVER. it is NOT your job to care for your mother full time, while giving up your schooling. School is your job, until you graduate. And if you choose to go to college, that is your job. Then if you choose to help your mother, you can do so, if you choose to do so. You mother can apply for welfare, disability etc. She is not the only disabled mother out there. I am sorry for her conditions and her problems, but they are NOT YOUR PROBLEM'S. Please keep us updated on what happens. My heart goes out to you!
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Can your aunt in Florida apply for emergency guardianship of you and fly you down to live with her, while APS gets things figured out with your mother? You really need out of that situation. The sooner the better...
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Hi Shelby,
I woke up early this morning and read your post and all of the advice the wonderful people here were kind enough to give you and the genuine concern for your well being is shared by all of us.
I want to ask you to consider a few things that came to mind. Your Aunt and Uncle frightened you when you saw how angry they were but wouldn't you be angry if you were supporting your sister only to find out she was gambling all of the money away? Did you think about the fact that your mom can fend for herself for hours and hours sitting at a casino but you couldn't leave her while you went to school? If it's not too late maybe you could talk to your Aunt about possibly paying the rent directly to the landlord and the utilities as well and sending gift cards for the grocery store? That way she would be assured of the money she is giving is being used correctly and not supporting a gambling habit. I know I would not have left my mom either at your age but you have to make sure to set things up so she does not cause you to constantly disrupt both of your lives by losing all and ending up in a countless stream of shelters. You are stronger than you realize and you have to take the bull by the horns if you want to end this cycle of shelter life.
The world needs you to be a doctor! We're all rooting for you to get back to school and you don't seem like a quitter to me, so get going and keep moving toward your goal no matter how many rocks get thrown in the path of your life you will learn to kick them out of your way.
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Hi, I'm 18 years old with a similar situation as yours, my mother has many neurological diseases, she's 38 years old with the body of an 80 year old woman and relies on me for almost everything. I wanted to tell u that ur so strong and u have a beautiful soul! I also want to tell u that u deserve to live ur dream, I can understand that u feel u should be there taking care of ur mother bc I feel the same with mine.
Ur mother will be ok even without u. U should go to college and live ur dream, u deserve it. Idk if ull see this but I hope u do and I hope u are able to do what u want and what u deserve.
Much love
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