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P.S., the family Queen Bees have to agree on this way before the holidays so reservations can be made. I'd have the conversation in September/October if not earlier. We have been able to make some gradual changes that didn't go over so great to start with, but are now normal. Like not buying gifts for everyone turned into drawing names, which turned into just the kids drawing names. What a money and stress relief! But, some aunts were a bit annoyed by the change, but they had to understand we all aren't made of money. Having lots of people over at your house is a huge piece of work before, during, and after. I don't think I will be willing to do that myself when I'm over 65!
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Sounds to me like it's time to move the party off-site to a restaurant or similar type of space where you can pay, and somebody else does all the work. Then it will be time-boxed, nobody has to prep & clean, and everybody can just visit. It doesn't have to be home-made or nothing. I am in a family that has done everything possible to keep it all exactly the way it was in 1974. It's unreasonable. There are too many of us, some far away, and it just isn't fun anymore. I'd much rather get together at a nice restaurant or hotel for a couple hours than stop doing everything.
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I don't know about this. Christmas is very stressful for older people, but OTOH they don't want to miss it. Christmas get-togethers are a tradition. My mother is a complete mess during the holidays, but when I suggest cancelling she acts like I've suggested a cardinal sin. I let her be the guide on what to do, since she doesn't have many holidays left in her life.
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