Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
My 65 yo hubby plays the selective hearing thing to the point I want to scream! And I do, sometimes, because he DOES have significant hearing loss and refuses to do anything about it. I have to literally find him in the house, be sure he is looking at me (he is partially lip reading by now) and speak in loud, clear tones to him. He has missed several flights in the last year b/c he simply doesn't "listen" and misses the announcement that they're "now boarding"--that's embarrassing. He just recently got a "sound bar" to boost the lower tones of the TV in his room. If he is watching a movie with a lot of deep sounds the vibration in the walls literally makes the pictures in MY bedroom shake. He thinks this sound bar is AMAZING! (Obviously we aren't sharing a room anymore--all due to the fact he HAS to have a TV in the room and it HAS to be on all the time he is home.) I have developed a constantly raspy throat from having to raise my voice to make him hear me. He says that I (and everyone else in the world) mumble and only he has perfect diction.
No dementia, just a huge ego. He thinks hearing aids will make him look old. One of my daughters said "Dad, you ARE old and saying "what? What? all the time makes you look ancient". He does not care. He does do some of this to be nasty...and he loves to "poke the bear" meaning, he LOVES to tease me.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You might want to try placing a small object (which is related to the place you are going) in your Father's hand to hold, on the drive there to help him remember. For example, if you are going to the grocery store, perhaps your Dad could hold onto either your real grocery list or a fake grocery list, if you think he may tear it up. When he asks you each time, "Where are we going ?", you can say "Dad, we are going to the grocery store, your are holding the grocery store list, in your hands now. " I am sure, due to his dementia, he will still keep repeating and asking the same question "Where are we going ? " Hopefully, with him holding onto a small object, which is related to each place you visit, it will help him more than current words alone, informing him where you are taking him.
Try and find small items for each place you take your Father, an empty pill bottle could represent either the drug store or doctor's office, etc.
You need to always use the same small object which is associated with each place you take him, in attempt to help him use a combination of a visual object, tactile stimulation = holding the small object in his hand(s), in addition to hearing your answer, every time he asks "Where are we going ? ", all in effort to help his brain with dementia, effected by memory loss.
If you try this and it does not work at first, please don't give up, please keep trying, before you chalk this new method off your list. This method can work, however, it takes time and patience.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Our mother has had hearing issues for a long (no hearing one side, hearing aid on other, but will often misplace/lose it or forget to replace batteries). Combined with dementia (mostly short term memory loss, but drifting more) she will repeatedly ask the same questions. Hearing loss is one this, the 'want to hear self' issue people mentioned might be a factor, but in mom's case, she just doesn't remember. During a 10 minute phone call, she will repeat the same things over and over and over. It is frustrating, but as I told my brother, you can't fix it, you just have to deal with it. The easiest way is to pretend you are "dad" at the table with the newspaper... yup, uh-huh, oh really, yes, or just keep answering the questions. It isn't easy, but it can be done. You have to change your own response to this frustrating issue as you cannot change them.
I do try to recommend to people to get all the elder financial issues taken care of before they go to deep, and then start researching home health aides or a memory care place, because it will become worse and you might suffer trying to "do it all". I already knew where this would lead, and cannot physically care for her myself. She refused to move, whether to a brother's place or a facility. As I write this, she is moving into a place (again, not really willingly, hopefully they can get her acclimated soon).
Also, for anyone who has been in the armed services, the person could qualify for benefits to help pay for services, if it is determined to be needed.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

We already know men have selective hearing :) and probably need hearing aids long before their egos will accept that. My father wears glasses to see, so why not a hearing aid to hear? When you introduce dementia into the mix, it's anyone's guess. They do not know when their batteries aren't working. They might not even have the hearing aid in correctly or it could have water in the tube or they could have wax in their ears. They can't tell you any of this and it doesn't really bother them nearly as much as it bothers you. So you face them directly and speak as clearly as possible and try several times to get your point across, keeping it as simple as possible. Or you drop it. My father got hearing aids to please me and I was happy he was able to join back into the conversation.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

MissBBW, I liked your idea of the object in hand. It's not only a good idea for the elder but gives the caretaker something besides the elder's repetitive question to focus on. My aunt uses a form of that method on me all the time. If she is low on something, she puts the empty box out for me to see so I can pick it up for her. It works.... Most of the time.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter