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This line "she rarely asks for anything different" popped out at me. I think there comes a time in life where the things that used to give us joy no longer have the same power to do so, be careful with confusing what you think your mother might want with what she actually does want. If she asks for that walk on the beach or bag of Maple Nut goodies by all means go ahead, but don't assume she is is depriving herself if she doesn't.
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SonOutOfState Sep 2019
She makes it abundantly clear that she does not need us all telling her what she should or should not be doing/eating/etc.
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My 92.5 y/o mother lives in Memory Care & constantly talks about what foods are 'fattening', which drives me bat shit crazy, to tell you the truth. Who really cares what's fattening at this stage of the game??? Your mother, and my mother, should live what's left of their lives checking off things on their bucket lists, living like there was no tomorrow, and eating an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's, if that's what they're in the mood to do.
Go for the gusto. That's my take on it.
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Nancymc Sep 2019
I agree with you leolonnie1. But if minimizing weight gain is a key value to her, you may want to respect her choice. With one caveat, if she obsesses over avoiding fattening foods as part of mental deterioration, to point of becoming malnourished it should be discouraged.
* I know you didn’t ask for advice, but isn’t this a case of honoring our differences ?
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I think there's a medium to be achieved, hopefully a happy one, in keeping her healthy w/o taking unnecessary or unwanted measures to prolong her life, which doesn't seem to be reflective of the vibrant kind of person she once was.  

The "healthy" sister probably feels she's doing the best she can, and is sincere and needs to be respected for that.    But if there's a question between eating and drinking healthy, given your mother's age and her inevitable decline, I say let your mother do what she wants.   

She's lead a vibrant, diversified life; cherish her for that, and remember it as she declines.    That's probably how she wants to be remembered, so do what you can now to contribute to that.    It might also be the approach for the "healthy" sister - continue to provide good care but don't monitor it as closely, unless the Alz has created a tendency to eat inappropriate things.   

Perhaps your sister can segue into a different outlook to realize that it's more important now to cherish your mother in ways other than nutrition, that it's one of the most worthwhile things you can do for your mother to support her in her last journey.

But it's also important to support your "healthy" sister so she doesn't eventually feel that she wasn't careful enough in her monitoring efforts. 

After my father died and I began cleaning out his house, I realized that there were so many adaptations he made that I didn't understand, and the so-called professional caregivers didn't either.   They didn't realize that he had tools on the table b/c he needed them to open things, or that his clothes were in piles b/c he couldn't stand alone long enough to hang them up.

I wish I had the insight to recognize this while he was still alive; it would have eased his last days and months.
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If the "healthy" sister wants to feed her healthy food, so be it. The rest of you, do whatever mom wants.

Unless healthy sis has guardianship, she has no standing to insist on deciding what mom gets to eat or drink. That is MOM's choice.
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Couldn't agree more........life without any pleasure is a doomsday existence. I wouldn't want it. If mom is up for it....why not? A few happy times would do her far more good than days in her recliner. And you and your sisters as well. Enjoy as much as you can while you can.
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I'm in the 'party line'. She's dying, whether she eats, drinks and controls her diabetes and other health issues. If there is no joy in life, why do we keep fussing at keeping alive?

My mother always says "You know, if I quit taking my insulin, I'd be dead in a week'. I just say "yep, is that what you want?" No, it's not. She wants attention.

You can have some sweets, and as much music and joy in your life as you like. Mother keeps a countertop covered in candy and cookies. I don't know how well she monitors her diabetes and I don't care. She's 90 and is she wanted to eat chocolate all day, I'd say nothing.

When there is no joy in MY life, I hope I go pretty fast! What's life w/o chocolate?
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