My mother is 88 years old and in moderate health. My sister has two minor children, live in a small crowed apartment and she does not get any child-support from her unemployed ex. The rest of my siblings and I are doing well and live in nice homes.My mother wants to give her house to my sister when she passes. My mother is very concerned about the two minor children living in a not so nice apartment. With that said, my mother wants to change her will and give the house to my sister with the two minor children. My mother asked me if I was ok if she gives the house to my sister. I stated " absolutely give her the house and the children will benefit living in the house." My other two siblings are irate that I told our mother it is ok to give the house to the apartment sister. Of note, during the pandemic, my sis with the two minor children, lost her job. They feel the house should be sold and the money spilt up between the siblings. I told them its mom's house and she can do whatever she wants. My sibling that don't want my sister to have the house are no longer on speaking terms with me. Please keep in mind my mothers house needs a lot of work and is not worth much.
How do I cope with the siblings that are no longer on speaking terms with me. My siblings and I were once very close and supportive of one another. This is no longer the case.
me me and I - state of our poor world!
maybe find out value and costs selling and see what’s left and split in ratio needed
and offer the other greedy siblings a small donation
it’s seen as favouritism but your mothers being a mother looking after who needs a helping hand more
I guess the lesson here is don’t share private conversations to anyone else
especially contentious ones
that said now that it’s happened
you were entitled to your own opinion
and if your siblings feel offended by that -that really is their problem
they’re prob living beyond their means and looking forward to money to pay debts or buy more stuff usually
maybe a small offering to them but it’s your mothers call and if she feels one sibling needs more help than the others then as a mother that’s her decision
as you say if she’s the one struggling
maybe a smaller donation to the others
or ask them what they think is fair as one of the family is suffering and not living in the standard as everyone else
gives them the choice to be reasonable or go their own way
either way don’t be blackmailed or feel bad about expressing your view. You are entitled to your view. If your mother didn’t ask the rest for their view there is prob. A good reason why!
good luck
if there is no mortgage—add her to the deed. Simple, but check with a legal expert to ensure your state has right of survivorship. Good luck and hope she finds a loving home to ensure her children’s stability.
If she was remiss in making any arrangement then I guess whoever can grab the keys.
HOW idiotic can people be BEFORE they get that old???/
Having said all that, your sister and her two children need help. Her children are innocent and being in their own home is enormous for their future. Support her and keep your integrity. If your other siblings are worthy, they will eventually accept their mother's decision. Understand that their mother loves them just the same. All of you are loved by your mother. Respecting your mother's decision is not essential. (If your siblings are disrespectful.) They must face mirrors on a daily basis. Eventually they will not like what they see once they understand their childlike actions! Love, Al
These decisions are up to your mother and should not even be discussed with her children. Obviously.
Leave it up to MOM and stay out of the chaos. Tell your siblings that very thing and then let the chips fall where they may.
Has Mom talked to sister about leaving her the house, she may not want that burden.
We state in our wills that any beneficiary that contests our decisions for OUR money gets nothing. Hopefully, it will stop the carnivorous behavior that both our families have concerning money. If not, they will spend lots of money and lose anything they would have received.
Inheritance is a gift, not a right, I pray for your family that they can get over the idea that they are loved less or whatever their ideas are regarding getting their "share" of moms estate.
Whomever your mother puts in the will gets the house.
It is ONLY and SOLELY up to your mother and she should do this at once.
She owes no explanations to other siblings about her choice. It would however be very good if she tells her reasoning in the body of the will itself so that other siblings cannot make trouble after her death.
I don't care, nor will any court or anyone else WHAT the siblings think or say.
Your mother should do exactly and precisely whatever she wants to do and she should NOT be discussing it and putting it out there for argument.
As to your other siblings no longer being on speaking terms with you, I think you are very lucky that their selfish backsides are off your sofa.
However, I also had the thought that since the house “ needs a lot of work “, how is apartment sis going to manage fixing things ? It may be too expensive for sis to maintain . If sis gets the house maybe she should sell it and like already said use the money to rent a bigger apt while the kids still live with her .
It’s mute anyway as others said , if Mom needs to sell it for her care .
When you own a home you never stop spending money on it. If your apartment sister inherits the house, can she afford to pay the property taxes, insurance, utilities, maintenance, and surprise repair costs? It doesn't really sound like it, especially while trying to raise 2 minor children and with a deadbeat ex. Also, where I live we have to shovel our driveway all winter long, and mow every week in the summer. Is this sister even a good money manager? Is she still unemployed?
I was raised by a single parent working Mom, but we had the "luxury" of also having her 2 sisters (who also worked full-time) live with us. Even then, our house was a lot of work and my 3 "Mothers" scrimped and saved to afford what we had.
My son bought an older home. Within the first few months the AC needed to be replaced for several hundreds of dollars. Then within the first 2 years he had a $3K plumbing debacle. Large trees fell over in the yard from storms (the cost of removal not covered by insurance). And there are still other appliances in the queue to fail sooner rather than later. We refer to his house as The Money Pit.
Maybe Mom's house should be sold and the money split so that apartment sister can maybe afford to rent a nicer place in a good school district and without the extra (and stressful!) homeowner headaches? Your Mom needs to look at the entire future picture for her apartment daughter, and not just her present circumstances.
You bought up several valid points that I agree with.
Thank you for sharing.
J :)
Id be the same way, but I agree with funky grandma, if your mom is in moderate health, you have no clue the future, how long your moms moderate health will continue and how much care she is going to need in the future.
Best to not even consider it at this point. If your sister is willed the house, your other siblings may push all the caregiving on to her, and your sister has enough going on without that stress.
Best of luck to you.
And who knows what the future holds anyway. Your mom may very well need to sell her home and the proceeds go to pay for her long term care, so just ignore your selfish siblings and get on with living and enjoying your life.
It always amazes me how greed can tear families apart. Very sad.