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I agree with all: Let grown children know their dad is nearing the end of his earthly life. So many times, folks distance themselves because of fear;guilt;a mix of many emotions. Send them an email:Let them know. Whatever they do is not of consequence to you. It is the right thing to do. No regrets on your part. Families are a mystery. We are with you in so great a loss. Malachy 2
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Malachy2 has a strong point there. What I would add to that is that sometimes people also shy away because they don't want to be laden with responsibilities they may not be cut out for.
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Email them and let them know their father has been admitted to hospice. Keep it simple. It's just good manners to let them know.
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Maddi, I think I'd give hospice the children's contact details and let them do it if they think that is what's best for their patient. Apart from anything, aren't the children more likely to pay attention if they get a call from a healthcare professional? Plus, of course, it will preserve your energy and blood pressure reading for more important things.
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My answer is completely different, my husband stage 7 over the past 3 years has been in the Hospital/ ER, several times, one stay 31 days in a medication behavioral clinic, 5 minutes from where his RN daughter works, she has never gone to see him and has not seen or even called to ask how he is in almost three years, I stopped sending updates & pictures a year ago, no response whatsoever, so when hospice comes, followed by his full honor burial at Arlington Cemetery, she'll have to find out some other way then me contacting her.
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They are his children, no matter what the circumstances. It sounds like they have had some involvement, however sporadic and for whatever the reasons. They have every right to know what is happening with their father, especially now that his time on this earth may be limited. It is a difficult time for you, truly, and I send you all prayers and best wishes. But you may regret it deeply if you do not at least give his other children their chance to deal with what is happening, to say their goodbyes, or offer support as they can. They may indeed surprise you with their love. You may not know all of what transpired in their family in the past, and to make judgments at this crucial point will not serve you best. At least e-mail them. Phone calls are even better. Be at peace in whatever you decide.
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Thank you to everyone who responded to my question. I did contact the children and they have all been over multiple times to see their father. He had moments when he didn't seem to recognize them, but in my heart I feel he felt their love and did connect with them. All of the visits have been wonderful and each one has made a point to repeatedly tell me how much they love me and appreciate everything I do to take care of their father. They have even said they were remiss in saying that in the past and feel bad that they haven't taken the time to visit. It all turned out better than expected and I feel much better knowing everyone had a chance to have their own closure (even if he doesn't pass in the near future). Thank you again for all of your advice.
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So glad all worked out. You did ur part and it worked out. Now no guilt. People get involved in their own lives and think there is always tomorrow. But, the years go by so fast.
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I suppose the right thing to do is send an e-mail and give them an update.
I'm with Whitney though, don't be surprised if they show up when he is near the end. Death in a family brings out the vulture in some people, especially in children who don't care that much for the parent until it looks like they might get something.
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Thanks Maddi! It helps to know how it worked out. They could have been more involved sooner, but probably had any number of emotional barriers - glad they overcame and touched base now despite those hurdles. Hugs, and prayers that the support continues and you and he find peace and comfort.
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