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I want to add to my comment above. Make sure every single account or source of money has her name removed. Put your name as a POA. She could do all kinds of things if she had anything in her name. And I repeat, unless you want to be tortured with what she does and says, please do not be a fool and see her. Don't subject yourself to that agony.
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I'm sorry about your Mom. Hopefully she will forget all of this in time, but still remember you. YOu never know how their minds will work.
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Hi Chris,
I have a story pretty similar to yours. My mom was diagnosed with dementia which she has and will not accept. My family and started noticing a decline in her cognitive thinking and she to was highly caught up with scammers and sweepstakes. I was able to become her POA and get her to the doctor once we realized her serious her condition was becoming.
We found a Assisted Living facility that would allow her some feel of independence even though doctors said she should be in memory care.
Mom has been resentful and troublesome since being placed. She’s argumentative with caretaker and other residents. Mom has become very stubborn refusing to bathe, and change clothes.
Most of her venom is reserved for me, she tells caretaker and nursing team I placed her in facility to control her and take her money. When I come to visit she lashes out at me. The doctor and social worker told me to stay away and give her some time adjust. I haven’t seen her for about a month now, I feel conflicted I don’t want to not be there for her, but I can’t handle the mean spirited verbal abuse from her either. My last visit with her brought me to realization that my mom as I know her is gone, and Its taken me through a mourning process of sorts.
My plan is to resume visits with mom, and the first sign of toxicity from her l’m leaving, hopefully it will resonate with her that this behavior will not be tolerated if she wants to continue relationship with me.
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 2019
Kitty, I think some forms of dementia do leave the person unable to see that they are having cognitive impairment. I don't think they can get it and we call it denial. Such a difficult journey because doctors don't really know what to expect or how all of this works, it is rampant and fairly new in the grand scheme of life.

Just wanted to share that because it is easier if we know that they may not really know what is happening.
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My Ma has been angry for the past 6 yrs, she doesnt know why and she is back living prior to WW2 and before she got married.
She wants to go home, but has no idea where home is. She needs to go to work and wants to catch the bus to London where she can go do embroidery.
Anger is fear.. and the more anger the more fear cos she doesnt really know the why... and its no use telling them cos they dont remember and cant comprehend.
The person you knew 2 yrs ago is not the person you are dealing with today, just looks similar, and Im guessing right now still remembers you.
My Ma claims to not have children most of the time, so how can she even comprehend she had 5 and that the youngest is in his 60s. she after all is in her early 20s, I managed to ask once.
her brain/memory is a 200 piece jigsaw puzzle without the lid or 96 pieces and the missing ones are the corners and the centre.
Dont feel bad,
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I remember after Dad getting dehydrated last summer, we had to put him back in the nursing home. My parents drove over there after the visit to the ER. My Dad didn't say a word to my mother on the drive there. For a while, he would blame her for not being able to pick him up from the ground. (My mom has a bad back and it's very hard to pull him up from the ground) My mom would cry and feel terrible. After a while, my father figured it was best for him to be there. I think you should give this time-She will not be mad at you for this forever.

Wishing you the best of luck.
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Well, today's visit with my dad at the AL was the very first time he has not said anything about moving back home (he's been there 2 months). Maybe we're making some headway or maybe his memory is bad and he forgot to say something about it.
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disgustedtoo Nov 2019
I would suggest taking this opportunity to nix the home visits with his aides... the less he sees it, the less he will think about it?
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Chris, how is your mother adjusting? I find your story compelling and wonder if I could get some advice from you onto what to do for my father who wont stop feeding his scammer.
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ctccbc Dec 2019
Hey, sorry just now seeing this. My mom is adjusted a bit, but still agitated. She wants a new phone, wifi hooked up in her room and asked for an old email book she had. The book had not just family emails, but scammer phone numbers and emails. I updated for her, and sent a new book, but without the scammer stuff. I'm sure she will not be happy. When I visited last Thursday, I noticed her speech slurring a bit, have not noticed that before. Her sister called her yesterday and said the same thing, so I'm a bit concerned about that.

She will not be getting wifi in her room or a new phone as she will immediate get in touch with "Freddie", the scammer who she thinks loves her. She told the Social Worker that "Freddie" has alot of money and will come for her soon, so obviously the delusion still exists strongly. I'll be glad to provide advice to you if I can.
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