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Hi Friends,
Thank you for all the support and advice you have given me over the past few years.


For those who don't know me, my parents moved in with my husband and me in July 2018 when it became clear that my mother had early dementia and was a danger to my Dad who had Parkinson's. Daddy passed in September 2018.


It became too much for me to give adequate care to my mom when she stopped sleeping at night in May of this year since I was/am still working full time from home. My brother and SIL offered to take Mom for a "few weeks" until I got rested, but over the next 6 weeks it became clear that I would not be able to care for her myself. Mom never slept all night after that.


Once I figured out (they let me come to the conclusion for myself instead of telling me) I couldn't take care of Mom, I started going to see her once a month.


My sister, who lives locally, and I drove out to see Mom on January 6th. When we got there, I knelt in front of her and said my name and that I had come to visit her. She repeated my name but it seemed to be a reflex rather than recognition. Mom became more and more restless as the months passed and my SIL seemed to always know what to do to relieve her agitation.


Anyway, that evening Mom ate 3 bowls of cream of rice, but it seemed as if she was in a trance and doing it automatically. That night my SIL had my brother come into the bedroom (not sure exactly why, but it was the first time she required his help). Sunday morning her eyes deviated to the left and we thought maybe she had had another stroke (she had a minor stroke in 2013).


My SIL called the hospice nurse who said that they were changing Mom's status to "actively dying." My sister and I had Monday off but were supposed to return to work Tuesday. I told my sister she could drive my car home and I'd fly home later, but by Monday early afternoon, Mom seemed to be doing better, so we both went home. My brother called Tuesday and said mom had Cheyne Stokes breathing and the nurse indicated Mom may could pass at any time so my sister and I drove back out (6 hours) Tuesday night.


Mom was extremely restless all week. My sister and/or I were with Mom most of the time, with my SIL was always available and supportive while deferring to us except for giving Mom meds to make her comfortable, but we knew she was doing what she thought was best and since she had taken care of Mom for the past 7-8 months, we could point out that Mom seemed uncomfortable but left it to her to decide whether or not to give meds.


Friday the hospice nurse said Mom would probably pass that night, and she did at about 6 p.m. My brother, sister and I were around her and our other sister (who lives in Alaska) was on the phone and got to tell her she loved her and said her good bye.


Although I am sad that I was not able to take care of Mom, my brother's family felt blessed to be able to care for her, and she was able to enjoy time with my brother's family - they have 2 children in their mid 20s who live at home.


Mom received the best care possible during her last months of her life and I'm grateful for that, and although I miss her terribly, I find comfort knowing she's not suffering anymore.


My RN sister said "who would have thought that dementia was a terminal disease." Not me, for sure.


Thank you again for all the support and advice you've given over the last few years.

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I am so sorry for your loss.

May The Lord give you all grieving mercies and comfort as you go through this new season in your life.

You mom was obviously a lovely mother, as you all wanted what was best for her and did everything in your power to make her comfortable and loved.

God bless you all.
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My condolences over the loss of your dear mom. I'm relieved that all the suffering is over now, and that she's finally at peace, which is what I wish for my mother as well. Dementia is a horrible disease for all involved, that's the truth. You have been a wonderful daughter to her and she was fortunate to have such loving care right up until the end of her life.

Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
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Warm condolences on the loss of your mom. So good to hear how well your family worked together to give her love and support.
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So sorry for your loss. May your family continue to work together (as you have done so well) & comfort each other at this time.

Not suffering & family close. This is what can be considered 'a good death'. May that thought bring you comfort too 🕊️
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My condolences
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I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Be at peace with your good memories of good times.
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my deepest condolences to you, daddysfavorite.
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I am so sorry for you but at least you got to say your goodbyes and find peace in her passing
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My condolences on your great loss, daddyfavorite. May sweet memories of your mother bring peace to you and your family.
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May you receive peace in your hearts and comfort from her loving memories.
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I am very sorry to hear of the death of your mother. Although you feel you were not able to care for your mom, in reality, delegating continuity of care to your brother and sister in law after realizing your limited resources demonstrates the ultimate act of loving care. They say it takes a community to raise a child. I also think it takes a community to care for our loved ones in the final stage of life. May God grant her eternal rest.
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I'm so sorry. Praying for your family.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on 02/08/2022 and I wasn't ready at all. She was 88, she was under hospice care for her COPD and heart issues, but never thought she would go downhill so fast and go.... So many feelings and emotions constantly churning. She lived with us for almost 10 years. Her mind was super sharp - I know it's hard both ways...for families with parents with dementia, they may physically have more ability for a while but the challenges of their mind. For my mom, her body just couldn't do anything any more, but her mind was able to do everything. Dying is so hard, so sad. I'm glad I was with her, by her side for her last breath. I don't know how yet to go on but I've got her sister coming in tomorrow and the service is on Tuesday. After that....I'll keep checking back and everyone's stories and comments and personal feelings that are shared here really help. I'll try to share mine. Right now overwhelming sadness, loneliness, guilt, feelings of so many unsaid words, so many undone deeds.
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Onlychild - thinking of you as you have the service for your mom tomorrow. I hope with her sister being there, too, it will help both of you as you reminisce on fond memories of your mom/her sister.
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