Follow
Share

I need to accept that's the way it's going to be from now on as Mom's Lewy Body Dementia gets worse.The response I got last night was, 'it's always something' when I told my Aunt about some things that are happening now, I thought she should be aware of. I don't know if I should even say anything else to them. They both have their families they are taking care of, I get that.But it seems like the one Aunt is set on helping the other sister while ignoring my Mom. I am looking at a lonely road here.

If M comes from a large family, it’s probably true that there is ‘always something’ going wrong in that age group. They work out for themselves just how much help they can be to whom – even what they are willing to hear about. Perhaps you could ask the ‘difficult’ aunt if she actually wants information from you. If she doesn’t, let her off the hook of being depressed about it, and you off the hook of being offended.
(1)
Report

MMck I did ask her or tried to. She isn't difficult, she's always been there for me. I know she has a lot on her plate, too.
Tbh I can not blame her for choosing who or what she prioritizes.
Is there any way I can get this post removed?
(0)
Report

RB, I get it your just frustrated and upset with what's going on with mom. What you are going through is completely normal, we are always here to vent to

I'm sure you feel very alone. And you just wanted to talk to someone in your family that gets it but there too involved in other ills in your family. What your feeling is completely normal. That's why this support group is so needed for many.

Thinking of you, and hugs to you
(2)
Report

RB, I’m sorry for what you’re going through.

You mention below wanting to remove this post and I suppose you could try contacting one of the moderators. But I don’t think there’s anything unusual or embarrassing about what you stated in your question. It’s part of the caregiving experience, and like Amxietynacy said, it’s normal.

Thinking of you!
(2)
Report

What do you want from these two sisters? Do you want them to help with the hands on caring or just come visit to give you a break. Have you asked for help or expect them to offer? Maybe because they are younger than Mom they are closer to each other.

Caregiving is lonely. I had no help because my brothers don't live nearby. Both 7 to 11 yrs younger than me. Don't expect and you won't be disappointed. Except that your it. Mom will get worse and maybe aggressive. You may need to make the decision to place her.
(0)
Report

Rbuser, yep, caregiving tends to be a lonely road.

You have been dealing with your mom and her issues for a long time, it is always something and unfortunately, it makes us weary as the ear recipients of these situations, not nearly as weary as the boots on ground (you) but, weary nonetheless.

I would encourage you to just be breezy and uplifting when talking with your Aunts, this will help you step away from moms stuff and give you some time for normal conversation with people you love.

There is really nothing anyone, including you, can do to change your moms situation, she apparently likes to be and make life difficult, it burns people out, so YOU need to remember to step away from mom and take care of you.

YOU MATTER TOO! (((HUGS)))
(1)
Report

I think it is something you are taking way too seriously. Because you know, it IS always something. Honestly it's always something whether it's about our elders, our kids or our government, right? I think they are just commenting on their own frustration, just as you would, and you are taking it as something more serious, like it's something they expect you to do something about. When they say that I would just shrug, laugh, and say "Yup, it SURE IS!!!" Because, honestly, that's life. I think you feel "responsibility" here, R., for something that you didn't create and can't fix. They're frustrated. And that's just life.
(3)
Report

Well , Maybe let your aunt decide when she wants an update . Wait for her to ask .

It is always somethlng with elderly , it’s a fact . Maybe that was her way of commiserating….like saying ‘ yeah , same here’ . The woman probably doesn’t know what else to say . She is caregiving for her sister , while you are caregiving for your Mom .

She probably thinks it’s all covered as best as possible with each of you taking care of one person . She like you is weary and most likely even an older caregiver than you are, and she’s maxed out . Maybe she’s tired at night . I myself usually end night time calls more quickly .

You are correct caregiving often is a lonely road . Try to keep in touch with friends and socialize and have normal conversations that are not about caregiving . Take a break , put it out of your mind sometimes . I think both you and aunt are very weary . Chalk it up to that , move forward . This conversation wasn’t terrible . Cut both of you slack .
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter