Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
On my mind. Isn’t it weird how it always seems easier to know how to solve other people’s problems (like on this forum), but not one’s own problems?
(2)
Report

We must have joined up around the same time Gershun? It took a long time before I had the courage to actually make my own post, and a long time after that before people responded to me and I began to feel accepted.
(6)
Report

The Captain was the very first person who responded to me (gee, I think it was 9 yrs. ago now) He answered in a very respectable, kind, helpful way. Then new to the site I was scrolling through some threads and he was telling someone to Blow it out their a**. LOL, I left thinking "hmm, maybe I misread him" He could turn on a dime. A real character but he definitely added flavor to this forum. But was definitely off color a lot!
(7)
Report

Hi Way,

Not ranting. Trying to help anyone who’s in a situation of helping abusive elderly parents. It’s good to understand what they do. After that, you have a much clearer idea of what’s going on.
(1)
Report

I loved Captain!
(3)
Report

If a person reaally can't take time to shower then something really has to change imho.
(4)
Report

Reminder
No one can take care of anyone else,
unless they take care of themselves first.

Sometimes, just get in the shower, but hurry.
(4)
Report

@ ventingisback,

I get it.
It gets better until it gets worse until it gets better again until it gets worse etc .
You want this cycle to stop. Every day waiting for the other shoe to drop .

You are being pulled in 3 directions

1) help mom today
2) help myself today
3) just survive today

You know what YOU WANT to do , but it can be so hard when you have been doing what someone else wants you to do. Once we take on doing for others, it’s hard to stop.

I recognize your rants , it’s you fighting for your independence from the abuse because simply coping isn’t enough anymore . It’s a very emotional , angry time . You will overcome this and learn to live your own life again. ((((Hugs))))
(5)
Report

Captain sounded knowledgable (either healthcare worker or life experienced) but tired of people unable to access common sense..

I sometimes feel like saying "Throw 'em all overboard!"
(3)
Report

“those who are here and making progress on overcoming trauma and abuse”

I think the point is that many posters are in that situation right now: it’s actually totally connected to caregiving. The posters are caring for abusive, elderly parents. That makes it very hard for the caregiver. (By caregiver, I don’t mean hands-on. I mean any form of helping/caregiving).

It’s not a coincidence that it’s so common for caregivers on this forum to be abused. A responsible, empathetic, non-abusive parent by definition wouldn’t want their adult child to caregive.

Just as it’s helped me, I’m sure the information on abused caregivers will help others in the future.
(2)
Report

No doubt he could be charming and helpful when he chose Barb, on his good days he was an interesting character who brought a much needed different perspective to the forum - a real life Jekyll and Hyde...
(3)
Report

Have a good evening, everyone!

My friend just texted me to join her for an iced coffee. I’m heading out.
(6)
Report

Just to add, Captain Bob was crazy offensive but when I discovered I had bedbugs late in the day several years ago, he told me EXACTLY what to send my DH out to get at at Home Depot before it closed and how to use it safely.
(5)
Report

I didn’t know captain . But if it’s true that he was asked to come back to Forum to stir things up ? ??……..
That’s as bad as these reality shows that are scripted to a degree.
(2)
Report

cw,

Captain used to private message wild stuff to me! He was hilarious at times! He was certainly unique! Not your average poster.

I caught him after his caregiving days. Didn’t he care for his aunt or something like that? I missed all of that.
(3)
Report

Way,

Not sure why but it seems like you have been around longer than you have. Maybe because you are very easy to speak with and very relatable.
(1)
Report

I don't think you ever encountered the worst side of him NHWM, especially if you think that was humorous.

Returning to add - the truly nasty stuff was always removed fairly quickly, but not fast enough to prevent people seeing it
(3)
Report

cw,

Oh yeah, Captain was so funny but I am sure that some people didn’t get his style of humor! Definitely an interesting and unpredictable guy.

A poster told me in a private message that AgingCare actually contacted him and asked him to come back to stir up the old ladies! LOL 😆 Who knows? I was told that he refused to come back.
(2)
Report

Yeah, I know what you mean. My husband obviously has empathy too. He put up with me during my caregiver days. I do love his expression, “threshold of pain.”

Towards the end though, it became more difficult for him, which I feel badly about. I certainly understand that it is extremely hard on our spouses too.
(3)
Report

I have nothing against the Captain but the love he still gets is confusing as heck to me - the man was (is) obviously smart as h3ll but he is also really effed up, he repeatedly posted some horrifically misogynistic, homophobic and antisemitic comments and when he was on a tear he wasn't afraid to troll a lot of people, including newbies who couldn't understand where it was coming from.
(5)
Report

Need,

Hahaha,

Yeah but I still have empathy and am the fixer to a fault ( working on that ) . Even when I’ve reached my limit I find it hard to just walk away .
(3)
Report

Way,

That’s natural. You know my husband’s expression! Hahaha 🤣
(1)
Report

Now that I’m not dumb anymore .
I have less patience with manipulation , passive aggressive behaviors towards me. It angers me. AKA my FIL .
(2)
Report

(((HUG)))
(2)
Report

Ana and Way,

Clueless here too! Broken as well. 🙁
(2)
Report

Abusers all know what they’re doing (DARVOing). An abuser can easily identify another abuser. But a sweet, honest person? That person’s in trouble. They would never dream of intentionally falsely accusing someone, intentionally denying…So it never occurs to them their abuser is doing that, over and over.

We were DARVOed. There’s nothing wrong with us. It was them.
(2)
Report

Anabanana,

Ditto,
I was clueless and miserable too.
Now , I’m happy on the inside and stumbling on the outside at the same time . But it’s better than before .
I accept that progress is slow and never complete.
(2)
Report

I can only speak for myself but I had a total of zero clues that I was raised in a dysfunctional dynamic. Because it’s all I knew. I’m glad that it’s become acceptable to discuss it and benefit from the experiences of others. I’d rather be happy inside and stumbling on the outside than have an outwards appearance of perfection masking misery.
(6)
Report

I think it depends on how the questions are rotated also.

I love Barb’s recent thread in discussions. Unfortunately, I can never remember the name of it so it is difficult to search for it.

I wanted to add something to it and couldn’t because I couldn’t find the thread.

It seems like they run the same questions that they choose over and over.
(3)
Report

Pam,

I loved Captain!
(1)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter