Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
I noticed your totally normal sentence being deleted.
By the way, it wasn't because you read the profile.
AC/admin deleted it because you mentioned the word "envy".
There is nothing wrong with saying envy.
Admin decided to leave your other sentence where you explained why OP appeared envious. But admin decided to delete your 1st sentence with "envy", I suppose because it might hurt OP's feelings.
I completely disagree with admin's decision to delete your sentence. It's not a disrespectful sentence. It's a hypothesis that maybe OP does feel envy.
Similarly, one of my sentences was deleted by AC/admin. An OP had lied, I pointed it out because it was relevant for the advice I gave OP. Admin deleted my sentence about lying.
It's censorship.
And by the way, it's a good thing I pointed out the lie, so that other forum members don't waste their time on that one detail, which was a false detail. Sometimes my advice/replies aren't just for OP, but also to warn other forum members.
I'm glad it's still allowed to write "troll". I saw that comment of mine wasn't deleted, regarding another OP.
Our freedom of expression and opinion, is being limited, also for normal/respectful sentences.
I used the word crucified in my first sentence because the OP did in her question .This sentence was removed . But OP that states she was crucified by other forum members remains in her question .
Exactly. I noticed it for totally normal sentences.
It's been happening especially since AC started the 3-strike policy a few days ago. They now started also deleting sentences. I almost feel like our freedom of expression is being limited quite A LOT.
Again, I'm not talking about disrespectful sentences, nastiness, etc...
I mean the freedom to express our opinions.
After all, caregiving is sort of like being a parent .
💐🌻🌷🌸🌺
What you said…..
Frame that. Put it up on a wall !!!
@Golden ,
So true. It takes effort to care for yourself , even while dealing with a family member that is in a facility . Even when someone is in a facility the stress can be great …..(for example ) time to have awful visit with FIL today . 😭. We have to tell him we are not driving him 5-6 hours ( summer beach traffic ) to his wife’s grave for a one year (unveiling of the tombstone ) memorial that his stepchildren are hosting . FIL can not travel , too frail and he needs his own very accessible bathroom .
I will add myself to the list of those who did not take as good care of myself as I would have normally, but I didn't let it go entirely. I got my cataracts done, tooth implants, regular meds etc. I went on holidays, had a separate life but the stress still impacted me. Looking back I think I would have done better to distance and detach more. Take it more as a job and avoid the interpersonal stuff more than I did. It would have been easier on me.
I like what you wrote!
I want to say I couldn't agree with you more about caregiving for a parent.
It can be like a bottomless pit and literally can cost a person their life.
I can say honestly for myself that I'd rather have every negative emotion there is (guilt, regret, sadness, etc...) about putting someone into managed care then live with the constant stress and anxiety about who will take care of them if I can't. No way.
What happens - happens. I've known people who were caregivers to a parent that dropped dead suddenly or like you required hospitalization. Their parent ended up care facilty and lived out their lives.
No one should have to be living in such a situation that their entire life has to center around taking care of an elderly parent or loved one who's already lived their life.
Everyone gets one life. No one has a right to use up another person's. That's not love. That's selfishness.
Whenever I hear about a person being forced to promise that they will never put mom or dad in a "home" it makes me sick. To me that kind of extortion selfish narcissisism at it's very purest. Truly, it makes me sick.
I know so many people who've paid dearly because they were forced to make that heinous "promise". Marriages and families broken up, kids robbed of their childhoods, caregivers getting sick because they neglect their own health.
When there is real love in a family, the parents don't ask this of their children. When it's real love in a marriage, spouses don't either.
I may have seen that episode. I love Lisa Ling. She’s a great reporter. I have watched Our America. Good show.
Thanks for reminding me about those.
If you need something to watch, Our America w/Lisa Ling S2 Ep20(The secret lives of seniors)It's an old episode but pretty interesting
So, he couldn’t visit me in the hospital. My daughter was a senior in high school and I remember praying to God to please let me live to attend her graduation, be with my husband and daughters, plus take care of my mom.
My husband was in bed with the flu. My mom and my younger daughter were pretty much fending for themselves. My older daughter came over and helped out as much as she could. Thank God, mom could still do some things on her own then.
It just becomes too much at times when we are caregiving at home. It can all be avoided if we have additional help or better still, if our parents are in a facility!
Then we can live our lives without the additional stress of being a full time caregiver. It’s unnerving not knowing who will care for our loved ones when we aren’t able to.
I appreciate it.
My husband and I truly neglected our own health due to caregiving for my mom. I spent so many years taking her back and forth to the doctor that I didn’t even wish to step foot in a doctor’s office for myself.
One Saturday afternoon, my friend called me and asked if I would like to go see a movie. My sweet husband said, “I think you should go and I will be here with your mom. Go ahead to the movie theater and enjoy yourself.
My friend and I were sitting in the theater watching the movie and my friend, who happens to be a nurse, heard me wheezing.
She turned to me and said, “I can hear you wheezing and you don’t sound well. I’m taking you to the hospital.” I told her, “No, I can’t because I have to get home after the movie to care for my mom.”
My friend came inside and told my husband about my wheezing. She said that if my wheezing continued that I needed to go to the hospital.
I was fine for a little while. My wheezing started again and my daughter got home from her friend’s house and she heard me wheezing. She said, “Mom, you don’t sound well.”
I wasn’t well. I was having a horrible asthma attack. My husband took me to the hospital and I nearly died. They kept me in the hospital for just about a week. I had continual breathing treatments and they sent me home with a nebulizer.
The hospitalist told me that my blood pressure was too high and I needed meds for asthma and my blood pressure.
She told me that she wasn’t going to release me unless I scheduled an appointment with my doctor.
I did schedule an appointment. After that hospitalization I didn’t skip any more doctor appointments.
My husband neglected himself too.
When he was showering he saw this awful rash. He showed it to me and said, “What is this?” It kind of freaked him out and he was in a lot of pain.
He isn’t someone who complains a lot, so I knew that he was hurting. He went to the doctor and found out that he had shingles.
That was the first time he had gone to the doctor in years! They took routine labs and they saw unusual numbers and sent him to a couple of doctors, urologist and oncologist.
That is how he discovered his prostate cancer. I’m really grateful that he got shingles because he was able to catch the cancer early.
How many people neglect themselves as a caregiver? How many caregivers become seriously ill? I wonder…
Gosh, I went years, skipping gynecology exams, mammograms, etc. It frightens me to think about how I could have been a person who might have missed early detection of a cancer.
Routine exams are very important! We cannot neglect ourselves while we are caring for our parents, spouses, etc.
I am praying that everything is going well for him. I’m forever grateful that he caught his prostate cancer early. Early detection is key in treating cancer.
So true! LOL 😆 Great answer! Thanks for the chuckle.
I wonder what it is like to live in a place like that.
That Reggie guy! And the guy from California living out of his van, trying to hook up with a woman to live with.
The old lady by the pool was smart enough not to get interested when he said that he was a handyman to the stars in California! Hahaha, she says, “I don’t care!” LOL 😆
What can I say?
So much more that I won't say.
At least now I know what to avoid in my old age.
Out of 130,000 residents, the producers chose that set of people?
Did you watch it? The Villages is a huge retirement community in Florida. Not my cup of tea but I guess some people like that kind of atmosphere.
My friend called me and we were catching up. I hadn’t had the chance to proofread my posts and yet again I see messages with typos! I am thinking about disabling autocorrect! It is annoying at times.
Once, I tried telling Siri to text a message to my daughter when I was driving. What a mess that was! 😆
My daughter got the text and asked me if I had been drinking! I looked at the text and it was pure gibberish. I never asked Siri to send a text message to anyone else again.