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I know this is a morbid conversation, but necessary.
This last year has been filled with lots of unexpected surprises !!
I became a caregiver for my Aunt and then my Mother within a matter of months.
I have been doing all I can to help both women, sometimes to my detriment.
Now as I face surgery next week, I have been asking myself what if I wasn't here tomorrow?
I have added my hubby onto the account that I use to take care of my Aunt.
I have written out instructions for my hubby as to how I deal/take care of my Aunt's finances.
He calls it Aunt care for Dummies! Lol!
It absolutely dawns on me that we need to get our "Ducks " in a row before we pass regardless of our age.
I pray that I never leave my loved ones with the same mess that I (and so many of you) was left with.
Our future is not certain!
So what advice do you all have to make sure that those you love and care for will be taken care of in the unlikely event that you are no longer there to handle their affairs?
It's a HUGE question !

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We have to do the same! For you it’s surgery that made you think about it. For us, it was my husband’s recent cancer diagnosis. We were told it’s aggressive but treatable. Still, these things rock our world, don’t they?

You encourage me and I will encourage you. Deal? Best wishes to you with your surgery and caregiving.
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xrayjodib Sep 2020
NHWM,
I'm saddened to hear of your hubby's cancer dx. It's encouraging that it's treatable!!
Sending prayers your way!!
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It is estimated that 30% of caregivers die before their LO does. So you bring up a good question. If you have POAs for your LO, make sure the documents specify an alternate POA. Of course, that has to be done while the LO still has the capacity to name POAs and alternates. I don't know if a POA can choose their own alternate once the LO has cognitive issues. If the caregiver has a will or trust, he/she can designate a certain amount of money for the care and expenses of their LO.

The early unexpected death of a caregiver is one reason I think placement in a care facilty is important, especially if the caregiver has health issues of their own. It relieves the caregiver of day to day responsibilities.
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xrayjodib Sep 2020
Sjplegacy ,
My brother is the alternate on the POA.
While I love my, unfortunately he has proven himself untrustworthy with money.
My hubby has agreed, in the event that I become incapacitated he will take over my Aunts financial business. This is a great thing!!
There are just so many issues that arise on an almost daily basis that there is no way to prepare anyone for. Even with my Aunt in MC it's a lot of work!
I'm sure as a caregiver yourself that you totally get it.
I suppose I have done all I can at this point and just need to let go and let God.
I can't help but wonder if I'm missing something??
Thanks for your input!!
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You have that both are in ALs. As they decline you may want to consider Long term Care. All their needs will be met. If no family, a guardian will be set up by the state to handle their care. Actually, I would set this up for the Aunt when she needs LTC anyway the state taking over. Taking care of Mom will be enough for DH let alone an Aunt miles away.
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xrayjodib Sep 2020
JoAnn29,
My Aunt is currently in a private pay Memory Care.
They don't except Medicare or Medical.
She has finally settled in after almost 1 year.
She has enough funds to last aprox 9 years as long as she doesn't have a major health issue.
I am fastidious about managing her finances!!
As for my mother, my brothers would be left to deal with her if anything was to happen to me! Lord help them!!
I have to confess that I am not familiar with long term care.
Is there any resource you could send my way?
Thanks so much for your insight!!
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