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Hi Forum Family! While it's technically "Mother's Day", it can be a hard day (and painful, actually) for those who find it difficult to "celebrate" a mother who possesses traits that are not indicative of what a mother should be - that instead of being nurturing, kind, protective and caring, they were abusive, selfish, entitled, manipulative, etc.



So, for anyone on this forum who is having an emotionally tough or sad day, I wanted to say that I see you - I understand you - I feel for you - and I send hugs and love to you. I think an alternative for today's "Mother's Day" can also be thought of as "Survivor's Day" - for those who have not only survived, but hopefully are in the process of rising above and thriving - in spite of any past or present difficulties experienced from an unkind mother.



Wishing us all a Happy and Peaceful Day ~

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What a thoughtful post Hope! I know I'd have a terrible time every year choosing an appropriate Mother's Day card for my mom. One that expressed my sentiments about her w/o being sugary sweet and false, since she fit into the difficult and manipulative category. I always struggled with conflicted feelings on Mother's Day every year, and love your idea of allowing ourselves to celebrate Survivors Day instead.

Wishing everyone a happy and peaceful day today as well.
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Hopeforhelp22 May 2023
Thank you, Lea! Yes, picking out that appropriate card is so hard - I think Hallmark really needs to make a Mother's Day card that instead of being sugary sweet and false, says something inside the card to the mother like, "Congratulations for having such a wonderful daughter!!"
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Thanks for the encouraging post. ♡
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Hopeforhelp22 May 2023
You're very welcome, Catskie! I was feeling heavy-hearted today, so I decided to rename the day - to encourage me as well !
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Thank you so much! My (narcissistic) mother has been gone for years, but Mother's Day is hard for me because my son died three years ago. Mother's Day and other family holidays seem to get worse for me every year since then. But today my grandson, his son, texted me a Mother's Day message! It makes all the difference when someone cares. :-)
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Hopeforhelp22 May 2023
Hi Fawnby - I'm so very sorry to hear about your son - and for holidays bringing up tough emotions - it's so understandable. The holidays seem to be very hard for me too these days.
I'm happy to hear that your grandson made you feel special today - that's a gift!
I think from now on, I'm going to make sure that I do something kind for myself (as we all should) on holidays so it's received as an easier and better day!
Wishing you the best days to come!
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You know, even though some of us didn't have the best of moms(or dads), we still had the choice to turn that around and be the best moms possible to our own children.
I learned from my mom how not to be and it has served me well. And while I wasn't a "perfect" mom, I was the best mom I knew how to be and my children are thankful that I am their mom.
As a mom I can't ask for more than that!
Happy Mother's Day to you all. May God continue to do His mighty work in your lives.
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Yep--Mother's day is a joke and a half.

I LOVE being a mom. But I had 5 kids and they were not 'easy'. They grew into amazing adults and for that, I guess I must have done something right!

Last night 3 of my daughters took me to dinner. We had a great time and then today they can spend the day with THEIR families, as it should be.

I did find that I was too 'emotional' to get my act together to go to Church this morning. I had a terrible night last night--Dh had been gone all day, fixing stuff at my daughter's and he got home really late and went right to bed. He DID, amazingly, get me some flowers and a card, which he rarely does (I'm not HIS mom, is his reasoning). He also got his mother one--and I know in the back of his mind he knows this is her last Mother's Day, and that was niggling at him.

It's also the first Mother's Day for me without my mom. Lots of mixed emotions.

I am taking flowers to the graves of my mom & grandmothers later today. Dh has to spend the day & night at his mother's.

It's a day I've NEVER liked and like it less as time goes on.

I like the idea of calling it 'Survivor's Day'.
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Hopeforhelp22 May 2023
Hi Midkid - yes - a joke and a half...I so agree! The day brings up a ton of emotions for me and I think the only way for me to get thru it these days is by whatever levity I can find - and in "renaming and reclaiming" the day as a means of "celebrating" myself! For any discomfort that any of us has gone thru, let us all be good to ourselves and acknowledge that we deserve kindness - and to "celebrate" this day for our own happiness and empowerment!
I hope this day became lighter for you! Sending hugs!
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"Congratulations for having such a wonderful daughter!!"

Sorry, I had to laugh at that. Not trying to rub it in but I had a good Mom. Her family was everything. Maybe because her Mom died when she was 9 and she was sent miles away from her siblings who were adults by then fending for themselves. This was 1938, still depression time. Mom was the "Mom" to all our friends some whose home lives were not that great. Seems us girls remembered Mother's Day but if not for the wives, my brothers may not have. She deserve much more from them. It bothered my Dad but I never heard Mom complain.

Today I have flowers from my oldest and her youngest, he picked them out. Haven't heard from youngest but pretty sure it will be flowers. My husband would buy them but I tell him I am not his Mom. For me its not Mothers Day that is so important, its what my girls do for me during the year. Cannoli my oldest picks up for me when at my favorite Italian store. That pottery bowl picked up for me when it was seen at a craft show. Just bringing me something they know I will like just because. I think the just because gifts are the best. My SIL calls them Happys.
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Hopeforhelp22 May 2023
Hi JoAnn - I'm glad you found my comment funny - it's my way to lighten myself thru tough times!
You sound like an Amazing mom and I hope you enjoyed your day!!
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Thank you. Your post is meaningful to me. Sad today as, like fawnby I have lost a son and he is always missed. Sad also for the mothering I didn't get and the continual conflicts in my FOO.

But also happy to be taken out for a meal by dd and sil - his idea. Nice! And so happy to get a lovely f/b card from my oldest son, especially since he is not the romantic/touchy feely type.

The good stuff outweighs the bad stuff. Wishing everyone here a good day and time to feel special, because you are.
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Hopeforhelp22 May 2023
Hi golden - you're very welcome - and I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your son - and how this day also conjures up sad emotions. I'm happy to hear that you also have happy things that have come your way today as well!
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