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Can adult protective Services agent keep me away from my stroke survivor wife who has severe Aphasia in order to ask my wife questions in fact have my wife give verbal approval for said agent to apply for State Health benefits. I already know she does not does not qualify for state health benefits as our income is too high. I have already secured Medicare health insurance for my wife although it did laps because of non-payment a few years back back but now I do have the money to reinstate Medicare for my wife. I have an and 11 page durable power of attorney which gives me various rights. Does it also mean that I have the right to be present and help my wife accurately answer various questions posed to her by adult protective services? Our house is pretty clean not great because I'm a guy I'm 71 I'm not that good at cleaning. I am my wife's soul caregiver. I am 71 years old and it's a tough job. Someone called Adult Protective Services which is good because they were thinking maybe she's not being taken care of properly. But she eats well she gets good medical care we have a good retirement income there's no abuse going on here.

Obviously someone raised a red flag, probably for good reason. It's unsettling to think you'd let something as important as your wife's Medicare coverage lapse given her dire condition. Especially since you say your income is "too high" to receive state health benefits, so it is not as if you are living hand to mouth.

Do not interfere with the APS investigation. This is about what is in your wife's best interests. You might not be able to handle her care anymore on your own.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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That you have the money now to pay for lapsed Medicare coverage does not mean Medicare is in force for your wife right now. APS is trying to get her the necessary health care coverage!

Being you're a "guy" doesn't make it any harder to keep a clean home than being a "gal" does. Please don't use that as an excuse. Hire a housekeeper or use some elbow grease because you were reported to APS for living in filth, for one, which is unhealthy for your poor wife who needs the proper care now. APS needs to hear from HER what's going on, not from you.

It's also no crime if you feel you cannot care for your wife 24/7 because it IS a hard job. If you need help, ask for it. If you feel she'd be better off in Skilled Nursing, there are ways to go about placing her w/o impoverishing yourself. An elder care attorney can help you with that.

I'm sorry for your predicament and your wife's health status. Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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RickyG Sep 2, 2024
Correct, Medicare is not in force right now but it is in process. It takes about 30 days for it to be reinstated. I don't mind that they wanted to speak with my wife. I have been her only caregiver for 17 years. She suffered a major stroke just before our second wedding anniversary. I have nothing to hide.
I told the woman that Isabel has severe Aphasia both auditory and verbal. But I understand why they needed to interview her without me present.
Why the harsh treatment? You say I was reported for living in filfe. My wife's bedroom is spotless as is the bathroom and hallway. I sleep on a recliner in the living room. She never goes into the living room so no I don't keep it as neat.
You are correct, I should not have couched my cleaning abilities in such a way.
Thank you for replying but I did not come here to be rebuked. Who are you to judge me?
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Obviously it’s a tricky question, because IF you were abusing her in any way, they need to talk to her without you being present. Perhaps the best thing would be for you to say that your wife may get the answers wrong (eg the State Health benefits) and it would save time for them if they could check with you after talking to her.

However from past site answers it seems quite unlikely that your care would be deemed to be inadequate. Another ‘best thing’ would be to ignore this (and anything else along similar lines) until and unless something comes of it. If you can guess who dobbed you in, you might like to have a little chat with them.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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RickyG Sep 2, 2024
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply. Good advise.
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I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I hope you can get the problem resolved. However, I have never heard that having testicles prevents a person from keeping their house clean. I'm much older than you, sole caregiver for my husband, and my house is in no way a mess. I guess that's because I happen to have been born with ovaries?

C'mon, you could clean the place up if you wanted to.
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Reply to Fawnby
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RickyG Sep 2, 2024
Thank you for your testicles vs. ovaries answer-- terse as it is. Admittedly, it was lame of me to frame my cleaning efforts in such a poor way. You're right, I can do a better job of cleaning. However, while it is no excuse it is a fact that my ADHD makes organizing much more difficult. But thank you for taking the time to judge me just the same.
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Of course if there is ANY suspicion of abuse or neglect going on with your wife who obviously can't defend herself, then APS can keep you away from your wife while they try to get to the bottom of things.
Since we're only hearing your side of the story, I can only guess that whoever reported you to APS, must have had good reason to as they were looking out for your wife, and if you have nothing to hide, then their investigation should be short and sweet.
I do however have to question your last sentence where you say that your wife "gets good medical care." If you let her Medicare coverage lapse "a few years back" how could your wife be getting "good medical care" the last several years?

Caring for someone who's had a stroke can be very hard work and at times be overwhelming. I know, I cared for my late husband who had a massive stroke a year and a half after we were married at the age of 48, and cared for him at home until his death at the age of 72.
There is no shame in admitting that you can no longer give your wife the care she now requires and deserves. And if that means letting APS take over from here and perhaps even getting her placed in the appropriate facility, then so be it.
You must now do what is best for your wife. Period, end of sentence.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I don't think it matters whether POA is involved. Government aid of any kind is income based. This is a couple with combined assets and monthly income. Not a single women. As a married couple, he should be involved with things like this since he will be providing documentation. Not sure if wife can have Medicaid for health and not husband.

I would call APS and talk to a supervisor and ask this question. If you wife cannot comprehend what is being said to her, then she can't give approval. And when there is a spouse, how does that work?
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Hothouseflower Sep 2, 2024
Separation of assets and spousal waiver. My mother had to do it to have place my father in a SNF under Medicaid.
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Yes, your wife will be questioned without your presence and may be also in your presence. I would welcome APS and tell them what you have told us. I would invite their criticism and tell them you are doing the best you can; I would ask them for pointers and for guidance to help that you can afford to get in to give you some guidance and respite.

Your welcoming APS into your home is going to be the very best indication that you're a great caregiver. Do tell them that they are more than welcome to speak with your wife alone, but explain any verbal deficits she may have in communicating with them, and offer your own help, offer to answer any questions.

I cannot know who may "have it in for you" in a manner they would want to remove a wife from a husband. Can you tell us more about who you suspect did this report and what their reasoning is? Being a poor housekeeper isn't enough, and APS would not consider it enough unless there are mobility hazards present that may hurt your wife.

Good luck and hope you will update us.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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BurntCaregiver Sep 9, 2024
No way, Alva. If the wife is mentally incompetent they do not have a right to speak to her alone. There should be a lawyer present or some impartial third-party present.

Social workers know how to put words in a person's mouth. Especially elderly people or children when it's easy to get them to agree if you're nice to them or giving them attention.
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Was your PoA authority activated when APS showed up? You need to read the document to see what is required...usually it is a medical diagnosis -- and this means your wife was seen by her primary physician and has created a signed letter on the clinic letterhead to this effect. I recently had to do this for my Mom. Just having the document is no enough, you need to satisfy the step to put it into force. If your PoA is properly activated, you need to show this to APS right away to clear up any misunderstanding or pending intervention.

Do you have any idea who called APS or why? A concerned relative or neighbor who didn't see/know the whole picture?
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Reply to Geaton777
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No, they had no right to do this. If your wife was rceiving adequate care in your home no one has a right to come into your house and interfere with that.

APS is likely in cahoots with wither hospice or some local nursing homes and there are cash incentives offered to social workers who bring in business. Especially business from people with property and good retirement incomes.

You don't have to allow this. Get yourself to a lawyer right now. In fact go to the same lawyer who did your POA documents. They will direct your next move.
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