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I have decided to block my Mom from any calls or texts for the third time this year. The toxic texts have been very hurtful. My husband has had my Mom on our plan for about 7 years now. She's 81 and lives independently and has an emotional support dog that used to be my dog for three years. I has taken her to the shelter (long story) and was emotionally distraught over it. My Mom took it upon herself to go there and adopt her. Fast forward, Bella the dog go better with meds and is thriving but is too much for my Mom to handle. I go through advice on training, correct collars, help buy food, baby sit, etc. Recently and for the second time my Mom has used Bella against me. She knows I am still the main master but won't admit to resentment. I still help. My Mom and I have always been close but we have had our struggles. I don't want to take her off our plan but feel it's time. She will leave a seriously nasty message and two days later send me a cute youtube video like everything is great. It's emotionally exhausting. Final straw. I always cave in, forgive,..until next time. I understand aging is difficult and I have my share of health problems. I see a holistic doctor once a week for everything imaginable and my Mom gets a clean bill of health with no sign of dementia just recently. Her apartment is loud and Bellas barking stresses her out but she would rather text me about it then take action. She's too concerned about housework and when her back flares up she complains but won't get a housekeeper (which is provided!). Damned if I do, or don't. Suffice to say, I have to block her and make her get her own phone. Anyone else have thoughts, prayers and advice please feel free to chime in. Please remember to be kind. Thank you.

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How do you know "...Mom gets a clean bill of health with no sign of dementia..."?

Are you going to the appointments with her and are privy to the outcome of the cognitive/memory exam directly from her doctor? Thanks for the extra info.
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Korisea7 Dec 2021
She recently went to the doctor and had blood tests. She told me no dementia. She still has to go for more testing including a MRI. Just to rule out any potential diseases. No I do not go to the doctor with her as of yet because she's very independent. I hope she's telling me the truth. Her sister died of dementia related issues 5 years ago and it was really hard on her. It's a terrible disease!. Thank you for reaching out. :)
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No advice but will keep you in my thoughts and sending you mental strength
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I don't think you have to take away her phone. Blocking is easy on a cell phone. I have mine set for "Do Not Disturb". The people not on my contact list go thru to my VM. Then I can listen and delete.

I have an old wireless phone so not sure if landlines have the ability to block now. I had to block a friend after a nasty voicemail. I had no idea if and when she called. It was nice.
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I’d show up at her doctors and relate the mean behaviors you’re seeing, right in front of her. Or if you aren’t up to that, write the doctor. And do what you need to keep yourself emotionally well. Don’t listen to voicemails or read texts that are upsetting. And decide when it’s a good time to talk and do so only then. I hope you’ll read Boundaries, it’s been a big help to many here including me. One of the joys being adult is getting to decide what you will and won’t do or put up with, minus explaining or justification
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Korisea7, it is difficult to know what to recommend to you as we don't know what your relationship with your mom has been up to this point. You may not want more involvement/responsibility for her. If you do, I encourage you to have a discussion with her outlining the "rules of engagement": she assigns you as her Medical Representative (a HIPAA form she requests at her doctor's office and adds your name and signs it). This will allow her doctors/medical team to discuss her private medical information with you without your mom needing to give verbal permission or be present during the discussion. If she keeps you in the dark then I'd say further involvement is a hard "no", including her incessant and abusive calling. Being her MR is the only way you will know what's actually going on with her. Medical care and follow-up can be complicated and overwhelming and she may legitimately need help. My 92-yr old very independent mother sometimes gets huffy that I (her MR and MPoA) goes with her on every medical appointment but I take notes and keep her moving forward and accurately with her therapies. She does realize that she wouldn't be able to do it on her own and I told her I'm either fully in or fully out -- there's no "sometimes". Hope you can create clear boundaries ...I wish you success!
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Kori, I am going to say that you need to stop with the dog. You gave it to a shelter, she adopted it. It's her dog, legally. Own that and let it go. You are not it's master, she is.

My mom gets tremendously jealous when her dogs want my attention, I let it go and ignore the dogs for the most part, it's not worth the fight.

Tell her that you are shutting her phone off as of the month end, don't leave her without a phone, that's not okay.

Then block her number on your phone and disengage from her BS. You don't have to talk to her, you don't have to read her texts and you don't have to see her. So don't!
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You don't have to stop paying for her phone to block her number.

Are you doing caregiving for your mother? Do you suspect dementia?
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