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My mom got sick with a viral brain injury 2 years ago. She went from being 100 percent healthy and supportive, loving of everyone to not knowing who we were in a matter of HOURS. All of her memory was wiped clean, people, places, she had to learn how to use a phone, remote control, washing machine all over again. Her memory slowly has returned to where she knows us but it's so spotty and she has little to no short term memory. It all happened so quickly, there was no time to adjust it felt like having my heart pulled out through my chest. The neurological injury affected the temporal lobe most of all and it has affected her moods, some days it's so hard being around my mom because she says mean insulting things, out of the blue and unprovoked. I feel like it's sucking the life out of me because I miss my mom, I miss her friendship.I should be use to it but when I'm in need of cheering up or good advice there is a part of my heart and head that so wants to lean on her but I can't and a lot of times I get the opposite of support, I get told off. We do have good days and I try to give thanks for them and hold onto that feeling. Our situation is made worse by the fact that I also have a severely mentally ill father, my mother cared for him all the time and saw him through his multiple breakdowns, now they both have diseases that have affected their minds, they sort of move along at their house, independent but fragile, I check in every other day with groceries, meds and just to see how things are. I get calls most often when things are going bad, mom had seizures, dad began having an episode of psychosis, I feel shell shocked and disoriented some days, who wants to put out fires on a nonstop basis? I miss getting calls with a cheery voice saying "Hey, How are you?" I have siblings and they don't help and all have their excuses. How do you cope? I feel lost and sad. Any advice would be appreciated.

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As I was reading your concerns, I thought I had written them. I feel the same exactly about my mom. She had a stroke about 8 months ago, and her mind has been going fast, but worse every day. She does not know how to use the phone anymore, at all. She can't use any appliances. Needless to say, she cannot be alone at all. We have to be with her 24/7. She insults us the same way you mention and sometimes even tries to hit us (my brother and I). It is also frustrating when she cannot find the right words to say what she has to say. I get frustrated and my children tell me not to be, but they don't understand because they are not with her all the time. She was my mom 8 months ago and I would tell her all my problems and she would try to help me through. Now, it just doesn't register. It is as if she was not here anymore and someone else had taken her place. She will start a sentence and then stop in the middle and I try to make her tell me what she wanted to tell me, because it seems important and by then she doesn't remember and starts talking about something else. I feel like I am missing something important. I have about 8 messages on my answering machine from 8 months ago when she could still call me an make sense and I can't erase them. I want to keep them forever. I hope no one erases them. She would call and say my name so nicely. Nowadays, she either talks to me (of course in person because she can't use the phone anymore) she says someone else's name or my own, but not in the same tone. I have had four children and lost 2, so I understand sacrifice and responsibility, but my brother gets very frustrated with her and tells me we should put her in a home. When she was well, she asked us never to do that, so I try to talk him out of it. I just never thought it would be this hard. My children just don't know how it feels. I hope I just go fast once I get to that point so they don't have to go through what I am going through.
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the person who said it is necessary to change your attitude is spot on. Nothing will ever bring your mom back to the way she is. Learn to accept her negative attitude is not her fault and don't expect it to be different. Then when she is more like she use to be you will appreciate it more.

But you do need to get some support. Do find a support group dealing with similar issues. My mother has dementia and is usually cooperative and sweet but she can turn on a dime, especially if tired and when we have to leave her care center or if we have had her out and drop her back. She can call me some nasty names etc. I've learned to take it in stride because the next time I see her she'll have forgotten she ever said those things.
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I feel for you so much...
I don't know you personally, but I am so proud of you, your endurance, your heart. At this point, you are doing all you can. It sounds like the time is nearing when you will likely have to place one or both of them. Until then, I'm so sorry your sibs aren't willing to be helpful. Just an idea...but are they at least able to help? Sometimes people try to get away with not helping by being off-putting, etc. in an effort to makes us feel bad or guilty for even asking. Often, that's what they are banking on. If this is what is going on with one of them, try to keep asking and expect their help. Don't let disappointment with them that they aren't more willing get in the way of the help you need. You're only one person.
My own mom sounds like yours - with one, huge difference. She has a personality disorder and has always said mean, belittling things. You, on the other hand, have those precious and rich memories of how sweet, helpful, loving your dear mom was. What a gift. As for what to do "practically" when you must endure the unkind remarks, I know you are coping in the best ways you can. My son, who has tourettes and mild autism, still says terribly hurtful things. He's gotten a lot better, though. And I'm grateful for that. I try to block out his words when he's in "one of his moods." When I can, I carry around a pair of earplugs and slip one in to blunt the edge off some of the words he can't refrain from saying. Also, for many years, I was on Prozac, off and on which helped tons during the worst of the chaos. I've been off all of that, but am on a natural supplement, an enzyme to boost seratonin. My doc told me about it: 5 HTP. I take 100-200 mg daily. It really helps me feel better despite things. Maybe it could help you. Also, do you work out? I've begun an intensive program which really gives me a refreshed outlook.
My heart goes out to you, and I'll be praying. Keep us updated. :)
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Brain injuries--regardless of cause--can potentially result in terrible behavior issues. Anger-management problems are common--the worse the injury, the greater likelihood of behavior probs.
SOMEtimes it can be physically dangerous to caregivers.

One gal in my PTSD support group, who is deaf, is a well-trained licensed counselor for PTSD-- and married someone with terrible brain injuries, who has really bad issues with anger-management.
She's been in danger; he's been suspended form the Clinic to protect staff and other patients.
She deals with it using every ounce of training and compassion she has--she needs support, too--but because he's been suspended for that, she no longer can come to our group, because he might take his anger out at anyone in the Clinic, again.
He cannot control himself.
It's the brain injuries...not himself.
He lost his first family, and his continuing lack of control over those behaviors, may end up with his never seeing his kid again--huge losses, on top of the emotional roller-coaster of the injuries--for him and whoever is with or near him.
Sometimes, meds can't control it all the time.
He sees his own behaviors, hates those, yet is helpless to stop it sometimes, despite very hard rehab work, really hard work with counselors and all kinds of supports.

Now, multiply that times a whole bunch of elders gradually treading towards potential dementias, --already loaded with brain injuries--, etc., and there's a powder keg:
==lack of staff trained to handle these behaviors effectively,
==lack of adequate laws governing mental health patient care;
==lack of funding & facilities;
==lack of laws protecting caregivers,
--too little, considering the numbers of population needing this kind of help.
It's amazing how many elders subsist, brain injured, malnourished, acting out, either still in their own homes, wandering the streets, and/or tearing down their families.

YOU can:
===Do what ferris1 suggested: Think of your Mom in terms of how she is now.
IF you try to park your mind and emotions in what she --used to be--, it's gonna hurt too badly to deal with anything, and cause more stress!
===Your Dad with mental health issues, needs help, too.
===AVOID letting either of them live under your roof--
--call 911 to have trained people come to their house to deal with behaviors--
--it's the best protection everyone has, from them being wrongly allowed to stay where they might endanger themselves or others.
Trained people come to assess, care for, and get either or both of them into facilities that can best safely care for either of them--
--private homes are not necessarily a safe place for badly brain injured people with really bad behaviors, who might harm themselves or others
--especially when there may also be other health issues.
--trying to take care of either of them under --your-- roof, may likely do more harm than good, when either of them has gotten to the point of causing you such anguish as it is.
==Safe in a facility, either or both of them can still have visits with you.
==The staff can protect each of them from the behaviors of the other--as it sounds like that might be an issue now.
==You may still be able to take them to lunch, or other places for day trips.
==You will have trained staff who can interface with them and you.
There will be safety for them AND you.

Mental illness and brain injuries make life so hard, too often.
It's heart-breaking; there's not much to fix it, beyond meds and maybe some behavioral re-patterning--If that works.
While nurses are taught "therapeutic communication skills", it's REALLY tough to use those skills on really troubled, injured, mentally ill persons----it invariably gets turned upside down. It's really challenging for those specially trained, much less lay-persons..
But there are far more therapies that work humanely, now days, than ever before.

It's likely that at some point, Social workers / hosp. administrations, WILL push you to bring either of them home to your house to live--once they do, it's too late for you.

They are how they are.
It's painfully heartbreaking.
You can't change how they are now.
You CAN help yourself, though.
It's very important that each person takes care of themselves, first-
--if you fail to "put on your own oxygen mask first", you are no good to others.

SO take good care of YOU.
Then you can do what you can, in realistic limits, to help and brighten your folk's days--where they end up living.
Remember the good things that happened during your lives--those are treasures---even if there were few---that can help you feel better when your healing gets a better start..
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You came to the right place. the people here are the best and can relate to everything you say. Good luck, blessings.
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If there is any component of pain or depression that is going untreated, that can make a difference, especially if this was not their personality all along.
Now my mom was always cranky and perfectionistic, but getting her on regular Tylenol for her poor, arthritic shoulders and knees took the edge off it...and when she was really awful, hitting people with her purse and such, it was inevitably an infection somewhere that needed treated and she'd then settle back down to baseline. They are in a difficult place and not able to make sense of things, and the stress and the paranoia that develops from that adds to the mess for everyone too. It really is hard to go on loving, but if your sense is that your loved one might be doing the best they can, and you have good memories to draw on, maybe it can help soften it a little. It really is the saddest, hardest thing any of us have to face, to watch our parents decline and to have so little power over the situation...and it is hard to imagine what they are going through, it's got to really suck for them too.
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I have no answers for you...I am so very sorry about your mother..You know..that the woman you are caring for is your mom..with an altered thought process...due to injury..You look at your mom and she is the same on the outside..but not the inside...I read where she was cheerful and happy to you..even when she was caring for your father...that in itself...tells you she must have been strong..as you can see..in times of dis-pare and heartache...she still wanted to give you the illusion everything is okay...she did not want you to ever have a worry....and NOW this is all you can do...You had a wonderful mom for most of your life..one who cherished you ...loved you...and wanted everything good and wonderful for you...I NEVER had that..you were hugged and kissed and embraces and her words lifted you, filled your heart and made your day and your life easier....Now in her place...is someone you don't know..and sometimes..do not even like...but she has your moms body..her voice..and that is about all...She cannot be that woman anymore...but what is left of her...is ALL you have....things can still improve...What kind of Music did she like when she was teenager....that always stays with you..FIND IT..play it..maybe that will soothe her some...DANCE with her..Take photos of her...Make new memories...I don't know how you can enlist others to help you....Maybe show photos...of old times...Your mom is a strong woman...Your letter tells that much...She might find her way back....but then she might not...No matter what....do what ever you can without hurting your own health, emotional and otherwise....Someone on here might know if you can all on Hospice or some other organization to help you...If you have FAITH ..turn to that too...SOMETIMES...We are giving such a HARD HARD PATH ...it is a HUGE TEST....set before us....Mine is my husband with dementia...AT FIRST I wanted to RUN AWAY...I was MAD this happened...I was HURT and felt life had defeated me.....Since then..I have learned some things...the HUMAN TOUCH...goes a long a way...A smile..a kiss...a hug...Human contact...Music...FAITH...Reading a story...talking..Asking questions and starting a conversation...and if no answer...DEMAND an answer...SAY I think I deserve you to talk me...I MISS YOU and I WANT an ANSWER...my husband shut down..would only stare out the windows...I got him a camera..told him he better use it...Turned on the car radio to a Christian Station...and also oldies but goodies...I turned on the WALTONS and Dr. Quin ..these are his KIND Of FOLKS he is 75...I made him Take Vitamin E and other things...TODAY he is a lil better...taking photos..holding conversations..sometimes I cannot get him to shut up...LOL...I post his photos on my FB page...he works in the yard again...He no longer just sits and stares out the window....He loves his camera and he used the CHIP and I got him a USB FRAME that shows all the photos he takes when he sits in his chair.....some days are better than others..SOME Days he can pump gas...he can order his own food..and handle his own purchase....some days..he is a little off..and forgets how to pumo the gas...and has to be prompted on how to pay...and at the end of the register line I will have put our groceries in the cart...and he is so slow ...that the cashier is ringing up the next lady before we move off and he is ALWAYS wanting to take the other ladies or mans purchase too..I have to reassure him..I have everything in the cart...but It is better I keep him functioning...as long as I can!!! GOOD LUCK..and KNOW your mothers HEART is with you...but she is changed...maybe you can bring back a good day now and then...Like I try to do..I hope you do...cause ANY DAY with them...is better than the alternative..!
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Ferris1, I suppose I didn't express myself as clearly as I should. I have dedicated 100 percent of my time to caring for my mom since she got ill. My life is a shadow of what it was before she was ill, I have given my time, energy, love and unlimited patience to assisting her recovery. I have not let her or my mentally ill father down once in this process, I have sacrificed my retirement money and health to make sure that they come first. I don't lose my temper or take it personally, in contrast I read about brain injury and mental illness to understand what I am dealing with better. I give selflessly out of Love, No other reason or motivation, actually I do have a motivation it's the friendship and memories my mom and I have built over 42 years, so maintaining the same level of dignity, friendship and respect is my goal and we achieve that only on different terms created from an illness. I suppose I should have added that to my initial comment. This has NEVER BEEN ABOUT ME. Having said that I am a human being with feelings and I was/am close to my mother, she had a horrible illness strike her overnight and it's changed our lives. I'm afraid if I didn't feel the things that I do given the complexity of my situation it would mean I was missing a heart. I have a right to feel all of these emotions and I have a right to grieve. Denying that part of me or allowing someone else to guilt me into believing these very human emotions are some how wrong would be a huge disservice to myself. Thank You and Best Wishes To You.
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I am so sorry you are going through all this with your parents, and it's made harder by having siblings who won't help! Try to take a step back and tell yourself that this is the new normal for them, there is no going back to the way it was before your mom got sick. Grieve what you have lost with her and then tell yourself you have to make the adjustment to her and the ups and downs now. You need to give yourself the space to have your own meltdowns when you are away from them, it's only normal to want to scream when you walk into their house and get dumped on. What your mom and dad are doing now is related to their respective illnesses and nothing you are or aren't doing for them. Some of it for your mom may be sadness and anger over what she has lost...not an easy time for anyone in your family, but take care of yourself and your needs so you don't get burned out or sick!
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Not much advice to give just feel so sorry for you. i cant even cope with one parent and just cant imagine caring for both. I do everything for my mum like you with no help at all from siblings and yes the "abuse" is very hard to take my mum has dementia and the things she says to me are just so hurtful and just not true BUT ive learnt this is part of the "madness" and ive now let it go over my head as i know she dosnt mean it who else are they going to take thier anger out on? I just walk away or go out and leave her alone she seems to forget whats been said the next time i see her?
Its not easy i know but try and tell yourself its the illness and dont take it personally and see a therapist. there is only so much we can take and its so stressful more importantly take care of YOU youre doing your best alone and with a good heart what would happen if you got seriously sick. My neighbour told me last year to "fake a breakdown" then siblings would step up well i couldnt do that but ive had a ministroke from the stress here and STILL siblings dont care or help out more?
Its great to vent on here but its also important to see a therapist I just see ad after ad on tv here for "cancer support" (no offence to anyone affected by this) but still nothing about dementia support??
Take care x
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My relationship with my mother has always been awkward. She has always been controlling and a little paranoid. (I was illegitimate, she married quickly in an attempt to cover her tracks. But, of course, the truth comes out eventually. I don't have hard feelings about past deceptions; somehow she does.)

I now realize that she softened greatly when she realized she was having memory problems; but when I noticed and encouraged her - and my stepfather - to get her assessed, I became the enemy.

When I volunteered to drive 1800 miles to "hang out with her" when my stepdad went out of town - with plans to leave her alone - again - I was told "your mother doesn't want you here." She had an accident the first time and sure enough, she had an accident the second time and was hospitalized.

She started calling in rages (always at night) despising my attempts to help. And most recently she accused me of wanting to live in her big house and take her money. For the first time, I yelled back YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I haven't heard back. It's been about a month.

(I live in Florida. I can walk to the Gulf; their snow is probably about 4' deep right now.)

My friends say I dodged a bullet because she wants nothing to do with me. Well, I didn't really dodge it; it's lodged in my being and a source of pain if I allow myself to dwell on it.
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My heart breaks for you in this incredibly difficult situation. I work with brain injured patients in inpatient rehab. Sometimes agitation is an ongoing issue. They can be very difficult to interact with. When people say inappropriate or mean things to me, I do a couple of things. First, I don't respond to it and I don't react to it. Sometimes the less I say, the better. Another thing I do is redirect them, brain injured people live in the moment. They don't really think ahead, they can't. They tend to act from an emotional place rather than a rational place. Because of this they can be very easy to distract and redirect sometimes, other times not so much and in that case you can remove yourself from the situation. Lastly, when Mom says things that hurt you, remind yourself that it isn't your mom saying those things, it's the brain injury. Best of luck to you.
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I to have a Mother who has dementia along with a host of other mental disorders. It is like grieving the loss of her but still having to see her each and every day. I have a couple of suggestions for you that have worked for me:
1) find a support group in your area. It helps to talk with others having to go through the same thing.
2) find a good counselor to talk with.
3) practice some yoga or meditation or both.
This all will help you get through the tough times. I still have days where it is difficult to deal with her mean-ness. I find if I am tired and/or overwhelmed it makes it more difficult to "brush off". Getting enough rest and doing things for you make a huge difference too! If I were you I would consider looking into some assisted living. Good luck and hugs.
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I read this somewhere, and it has helped me with my husband's dementia:

Love him for the person he is at that particular time without mourning the loss of the man he has been or worrying too much about the man he will become.

Easier said than done, but when I remember to think this way, it helps. Sometimes I feel like I've mastered it, but then he unexpectedly does something and I get a glimpse of the man he was, and it breaks my heart. I cry and then remind myself to not mourn, not yet. Mourning is supposed to be healthy, but not when you do it daily for years. So, maybe it's best to wait until all is said and done.
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I'll bet you feel a lot better venting :)

I read your post, but don't know if your mother is living with you. You may have written that, but at times, I don't always see everything. Knowing you are not alone sometimes helps.

I believe you understand the mother you once knew is, at least for the time being, gone. Have the doctors told you her prognosis? Is her anger a result of the frustration she is feeling or is it part of permanent brain damage?

If it is the former, i.e., frustration, I would make my mother look at me while holding both her hands and tell her, "Mom, I don't understand why you are so angry with me because I haven't done anything wrong. When you stop, I'll listen to you."

If it's a result of brain damage, you are going to have to accept the anger part of the brain damage and accept her for what she has become, not the person she was.

Thankfully, you have some good memories to get you through this difficult time period.

Please accept a big hug from me. Hopefully, all the information you receive on this website and others will help you during this time period. Watching a person's decline is difficult. Your seeking out help from a professional can't hurt.
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You cannot change your mother, but you can change yourself. Some of the best advice I got about how to deal with my mother's dementia was to change my point of view. A friend said I had to look at my mother as a patient now, not just as my mother. That perspective helped me to depersonalize her hurtful remarks. It empowered me to try to make the best decisions for her well being. Yes, before going to sleep I cry a little and pray because she I've lost the childhood dream of ever achieving an ideal mother/daughter relationship. You feel like an orphan. But you had a loving relationship with your mother. Be grateful. She gave you what you needed when you needed it. Now use all that she gave you and other resources available to you to help your family. BUT SAVE YOURSELF TOO. Remember that she loved you and wanted you to have a good life. Whether she can express it verbally or not, know in your heart that a mother's love never dies.
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I know this is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through,but remember this most important thing this is your mom no matter what she says or does she is still the lady you know and love. Put on your smiley face and know that God has you in His heart he will help. I have not been my moms daughter for a long time now I am her older sister .she lives in her own little world. Just love her where she is at this time of her life. Prayers for
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My heart goes out to you all! My mom was very supportive and grateful for many years until three years ago she had a TIA it has along with beginning dementia changed her into a nasty, unappreciative, never satisfied, pessimistic person! I am remarried at 61 for eight years, our children are grown with kids of their own! Mom lives with us for the past 13 years first with just me then my hubby and I! As long as I am taking her everywhere and doing everything fir her.....even though she is very capable....life us great! About six months ago on her Drs advise and my mental and emotional state I was told to "pull back" and make her ask others to help her beside ME! The results gave been severe arguments about every three to four weeks....I am a nurse but this is my mother different dynamics than patient and nurse...she has narcissistic tendencies always has.....my husband and I often just look at each other and shake our heads with what comes out of her mouth! She has been diagnosed with depression, OCD, and anxiety disorder along with beginnings of dementia.....it is like having a beastly two year old that I can not discipline! Extremely frustrating! Too boot my husband has been laid off for six months so we are all here at home together!
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Adjust to her and your life as it is RIGHT NOW. Nothing will ever be the same. Get used to the way your mother responds now, and know the injury did that, she is not doing anything to hurt you on purpose. Be patient. It is difficult for her too as she knows she is not the same person. Put yourself in her brain, and do not judge. This situation is not about you and your feelings, and you will have to learn to live with it until she passes. Best wishes.
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Double blessings for you, it has to be incredibly hard on you being the only sole support for both of them. Your siblings should be helping out at least with some respite for you. Have you considered getting some outside help for them and have your siblings share the expenses if they don't want to help you? You can't keep this up at this rate you need help, try having a family meeting to discuss options. All the best to you my heart goes out to you. Hugs
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My mom with moderate dementia/alzheimers has also changed in her personality. I struggle with her alternating personality alot and my reaction to it. Sometimes I don't know how to feel. Many times she is insulting and criticizing me under her breath (which is actually loud enough for me to hear) and the next time she is praising me and trying to express affection and love. She does this especially in front of other people and I feel cold to it. I find it hard to feel affection back towards her. My struggle, I know. I want to feel forgiving and say it's her illness but I don't.
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You must miss your mother terribly. I'm so sorry. And what you've got on your hands instead is this sometimes venomous stranger masquerading as your beloved, supportive mother.

I don't think PS meant specifically that your mother is manipulating you, as in intentionally making you bend to her will; but I think she's right that you are being manipulated, as in being channelled by all parties concerned into feeling responsible for more of this situation than is your fair share. Time to look, perhaps, at what needs doing, what you're able and content to take on, and what has to be delegated either to willing volunteers ("hi there, brother, I just volunteered you to X on Monday. Oh you're busy? That's too bad, because So Am I.") or to outside professional agencies.

Sounds so simple, doesn't it? I know it isn't. But having a good look at your parents' needs analytically, task by task, might give you a place to start. Won't bring back your mother, though. Again, I'm sorry - you must miss her dreadfully. Big hug.
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KJ1971-Calling 911 is important - they deal with such situations often, Mom will be taken to the hospital where there is a social worker who will help you sort things out for the safety and care of your folks. Use them, and if warranted, call on a home health agency for in-home help or perhaps they are Hospice candidates. Don't continue to do this on your own - you're no good to anyone, especially yourself, if you are not healthy. Needing a Valium before you go for a visit is desperate. Hugs and blessings - take care of yourself first, please.
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My mom has had a brain injury since she was a teenager. It causes seizures which has been well controlled most of her life. NOrmally my mom is very loving and caring but she has sundowners and dementia and you never know what you will get at night. Daytime she is pretty much normal and able to do things for herself when she wants too. In the last year I have started caregiver group and individual therapy. I have friends to talk to but this counselor seems to help me understand a lot better. I have been coming here for a while to and for a long time this is all I did. I have tried to get my siblings to understand but only my sister is finally listening and brothers will remain in denial. It feels great to have these other people understand me and what i'm going through.
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I would just add that some good couciling is essential. find someone you can trust and feel comfortable with. If you don't like the first person you see don't be afraid to say so and move on. This is a good place to come and vent especially as you see your feelings on paper which is always helpful.
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I partly disagree with pstegman. If your mom has a brain injury from an accident or illness, it is an injury. I don't believe your mom wakes up and thinks of ways she can manipulate you and be mean to you. My heart breaks for you in having to cope with 2 parents with mental health problems. I do agree, however, that if as you indicated there are seizures, etc, you should call 911. Let them handle the emergency part of the situation. Meet them at the hospital where you can stay in the room or leave when it becomes too difficult for you. Ask the doctors for their help.

As with any brain injury, whether it be a stroke, when a person has memory problems, anger seems to be part of it. They can no longer remember. They have to relearn everyday life. Just trying to get the right word out. It is even more difficult for them when they know they are unable to think straight.

I agree with vegaslady, that you need a support group. Is there something close by that you could check out. A church would be a good place to start. A place where you can ask others for advice or to pour out your heartbreak to. A place where you can become involved in something that is good for you.

Is it possible to talk to your mom more by phone than in person? If it becomes insulting and mean, you can either change the subject or tell your mom you have to go. Then go for a brisk walk. You may ultimately have to remove yourself from the situation for your own mental health, but I know the bottom line is they are your parents and you love them.
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Perhaps you should consider some type of support group or grief counseling for yourself. If you can, substitute friends for siblings for support and some positivity in your life. Consider what you would have done if your mom had died. How would you have filled the happy place that you had with mom? How will you do that now? It's hard to be sad and lonely and that makes it tough to deal with the problems that have no good solutions to make it all better. Just make it better for you.
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Stop taking the calls, you are being manipulated. It is very bad for your own mental health. Send 911 to their house, they are trained to deal with seizures and psychoses. If they need the ER, they will be transported. Preserve your own sanity first.
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