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My mother is living in my home after being released from rehab. She is no longer able to live by herself. She has many medical issues. I am dealing with nurses, medications, PT and OT. My entire day is devoted to her care. My brother is staying here as well, and although one would appreciate the help, he is an alcoholic and is virtually useless after morning. He cannot get thru the day without getting hammered and he can become belligerent. Last week we had a blow out and my mother was so upset. He feels he must be here and truthfully; I don’t want him here but only to visit our mother. I don’t know what to do. My husband had been a saint through all of this, but his sainthood won’t last. I’m so anxious about this.

The logical answer is to kick your brother out, since he causes more trouble than he cures. Why are you housing him? Let him know you will not put up with an alcoholic in your home, and he has one week to dry up or get out. You have enough on your hands w/o dealing with HIM also!
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to lealonnie1
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1) Tell your brother to leave.
2) Preserve your marriage. Start looking for a new residence for your mother where she can get 24/7 care from an entire staff. If your "entire day is devoted to her care ", this is too much for one person .
3) Thank your husband .
4) when Mom gets placed, you and hubby go on a trip, get your life back.
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Reply to waytomisery
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Why in the world would you allow your alcoholic brother to come live with you when you already have your hands full with your mom? And why does he feel that "he has to be there" since he's not doing any hands on care with your mom?
He needs to go like yesterday.
You and hubby need to have a united front when you approach your brother about the fact that he has to be out by the end of the month, and that he is only allowed to come visit when he is sober(which means he won't ever be coming). Period. End of sentence.

And once you get that problem out of your house, you probably will want to start looking into assisted living facilities for your mom, where she will get the help she requires and be around people her own age, and you and hubby can get on with living and enjoying your life without all this undo stress.
That will solve both your problems in short order.
Best wishes.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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My oldest brother, deceased since 2013, was an addict. He was about to become homeless. He asked if he could move in with us. I said no.

I had my mom living with us. Mom wanted me to invite him to move into our guest bedroom.

I told Mom that he was her son, not mine and that he couldn’t live with us.

My brother was mad. My mom got upset. I told her that I was not going to expose our children to my brother’s behavior. I loved him as my brother but I couldn’t allow him to disrupt our lives.

Mom hated that he became homeless but understood how I felt and never asked me to allow him to move in again.

He was a great guy when he was clean but for various reasons he struggled to live in recovery.

I had to distance myself from my brother for my own sanity. I didn’t see him again until he was dying. I took my mother to see him to say goodbye to him.

I was no longer angry. Most of all, I felt sad about him losing everything meaningful in his life, his family, his wife, his children, his business, friends and finally his own life.

Take back your home. It belongs to you. Your brother doesn’t belong there.

Wishing you peace as you plan your next step to restore balance in your life.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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A) Tell brother to leave at once. No discussion; no accusations; no argument. This is your home.
B) I am very sorry that you didn't recognize while your mother was in rehab and had social workers and discharge planners available to arrange in facility care, that this was necessary.
Now you do realize it.
Let mother know that she will have to be moved into care.
Assess assets and choose a facility and place your mother.

Basically I believe you know what has to be done.
It is simply a matter of doing it.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Your house, your rules: you have a sober house, period. No exceptions. If your brother can't comply then he lives elsewhere. Where is your husband in all of this with drunk brother? Your hubs needs to stand up to him and defend you and your home. It doesn't matter that it's your Mom... it's his wife, his marriage and his house.

Also if he stays long enough to get his mail at your address then your home becomes his legal residence. Same for your Mom. Maybe consider getting her a PO Box until she is placed, or have all her mail come addressed to you, not her.

I agree with all other advice about placing your Mom, thanking your long-suffering husband and then taking a vacation.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Your husband needs to tell him to leave. He needs to tell him he is not helping just causing problems. Its his home too. He should have peace in his home. When brother gets belligerent, call the police and ask them to walk him off the property. Tell them he isca visitor, he does not live there and his drunkeness is causing problems.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Al Anon for you and your husband.

Give brother 1 month notice to move out. Change the locks after 1 month.
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Reply to brandee
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Call police when brother gets belligerent. Call 9-11 when brother is passed out. Let emergency services haul brother away.
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Reply to brandee
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