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Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to find a facility for their elderly parent? My mom is turning 80 at the end of the month, and I'm 50. I've been caring for her for the last 6 months, and I just can't do it anymore. She's got early signs of dementia, and it's like groundhogs day every minute with the questions. I'm working from home full-time and taking care of her full-time. I haven't slept through the night in months, and it's really starting to wear on me.


My mom is on a fixed income, and currently resides in NH. I'm trying to find somewhere in CA that will accept her, but the wait is long, and I'm not sure I can wait long-term.


Any suggestions appreciated!

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Does your mom have sufficient private funds to pay for care?
Have you researched care in NH?
Is she willing to give you DPOA in order to care for her when she is no longer able to make decisions for herself?
If the answer is no, no, no than your ability to change things anytime soon is probably very limited.
She is in a vulnerable stage in life where it is difficult to be proactive on her behalf. Often family has to wait for “the fall” or other event that renders the LO helpless to resist efforts to help find alternate care.
Wishing you success in getting mom in to be tested for the issues you are observing and to a certified elder attorney to get her legal documents in order if those aren’t done.
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Thanks for the reply!

My mom is on a fixed income, so she doesn't have the funds for private care.
I've researched care in NH, but I don't want her there. She moved there from NY to be near my sister, but my sister came back to CA 6 years ago. My mom is on her own there with no family or friends, so best thing to do is move her here.

I have POA already, so all set there thankfully :)

Happy Thanksgiving!
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This website is owned by A Place For Mom. See Karen (they really should change her name with the negative connotations on the name these days) on the right side of your screen? You could ask them for help, but I have heard from others here that once they start calling you they will not stop. And I imagine there is more than one APFM employee in your area that will call you. I know nothing about the training the employees receive. When they succeed they are paid a placement fee.

A geriatric care manager would be able to assist you as well. Google "geriatric care manager". A GCM receives extensive training in all things elderly, would also receive payment from a facility for a placement.

Also contact your local Council of Governments Area Agency on Aging or Department of Human Services. Those agencies can offer assistance in identifying resources that would be helpful to you and mom.

Before you move mom, see an elder law attorney. There may be requirements for residency prior to being able to get local resources for her. And does Medicare transfer without a wait? Probably so. But ask about Medicaid that could be an exercise to make sure everything is done correctly
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Lizlivinglife7 Nov 2021
Thanks so much for your reply! Great suggestions, and I was wondering the same thing about her insurance. Not sure how all that works just yet, and I just changed her medical plan to start up in January! If I can get her to stay here in CA, I'm guessing I'll need to change it again!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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Is mom agreeable to moving? Do you have POA for healthcare and financial decisions? These are essential. We used what my dad called his “old people network” to find the best places for my mom. Many elderly people visit facilities to see friends and family and often have an excellent idea on what places are good and which ones to avoid. Hopefully you can find some reliable people to ask. You may very well get negative nellies here telling you all places are bad, don’t fall for it. We remain grateful for the kind and compassionate care my mom received. All residents need someone checking in to be their advocate, try to get mom close enough for you or someone else to act in this role. My mom went in on private pay with a LTC policy, but soon exhausted both and went on Medicaid. All in the same place with the same good care. The business manager of the places you look can be a big help in guiding through this
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Lizlivinglife7 Nov 2021
Thanks for the reply! I do have POA, and she is agreeable to moving. She knows she can't be on her own anymore.

My mom doesn't have any friends. She's always been a bit of a recluse and prefers the TV to live people.

I would definitely want her close to me, as I don't plan on just dropping her off somewhere and forgetting about her.

I may have her move in with me for a year and have someone come in to check on her until I can find her a suitable place.

Thanks again for the advice.

Happy Thanksgiving!
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