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Trying to make this short. I'm 36, my mom is 80 and has Lewy Body dementia. I became her "guardian of the person" in December 2011 after a court battle with my brother (I am adopted, he's my mom's only birth child left living--he's 56). I had to become her permanent guardian after her dementia got very bad, she stopped bathing, eating, buying food, and was hoarding dogs in a condemned house. Once I started the proceedings, my brother fought me tooth and nail to try to get custody of her. Thankfully he didn't because the clerk of court asked him why he never took her out of such a bad situation once he saw how bad she was doing. Fast forward to a year after this court decision--my mom has been steadily getting worse with her dementia. She sees people who aren't there, her conversation is all over the place, she does not bathe herself as good as she should, though I watch her bathe, and she has become increasingly combative--to the point where I have to hide knives and all sharp objects in my bedroom after using them. She only get's $1,320 per month through social security and I am her representative payee. She doesn't own anything...but this is the problem....Over 30 years ago, she bought some land and a single-wide trailer for my brother and his wife as a wedding present (before I ever came into the family). She has never ever lived at this residence, and never ever got the title/deed changed over to my brother and his wife's name...and they are 5 years behind on the taxes on the trailer and land ($1,076 exactly). My brother and his wife have a deed, but I found out at the tax office that because that deed was never filed with their office, that they don't own the property---my mother still does. My mom's mental health is getting worse by the day and I see I will be needing to put her in a nursing home within the next 3 months, if not sooner. I want to know how do I go about doing that? I have been so many different things....that the trailer and land in her name will be taken by the state if I put her in a nursing home--which to be honest, I don't care about. I care about my mom's health and getting her the care she needs. I was told she won't qualify for Medicaid to cover the expense....I need to find some answers quickly so I can get my mom some help. She is up every night in a rage with this dementia and I am seeing that I can't give her the medical and professional help she needs. We live in North Carolina by the way....if ANYONE can give me some help and advice, I would greatly appreciate it. This situation is getting worse by the day....Thank you..... --Maria in NC

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Julidu is right about talking to the nursing homes. Nursing homes can be very helpful in getting things done. My DIL visited several when her mother's needs got to be more than she could handle at home. The mother had Medicare and also had property. The homes gave good advice, pointed her to the right person in social services, and even helped her fill out paperwork, applications, etc. After her mother broke an arm in a fall, the social worker at the hospital coordinated with the person at Medicaid my DIL had been talking to. They got her approved (well, "approval pending") for Medicaid and got her into a nursing home. We're in North Carolina. (BTW --- the fall was the triggering event. Call 911 the next time your mother becomes violent. If she were admitted to a hospital the whole thing may go more smoothly.)
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When things are at their worse call the Rescue squad and they will come and get her. Then the transfer to NH should be easier from ER.
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Medicaid I would file an appeal (if you can refile, then appeal if you get denied again). Also, I learned that when my local Medicaid office gave me grieve (or just flat out confused me!) I called the state office. I don't live in NC but it worked wonders for me. I tried to be super polite and explained my situation. It drives people crazy sometimes but if I don't understand I will keep asking until I do.
Since you know which NH, set up an appointment with them. They might also help you and/ or give you some other options (for dealing with Medicaid and other funding possibly).

I'm also in love with this website. It's been a godsend!
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Well, I have bad news to report. Yesterday afternoon around 2pm, my mom got into another rage and came at me. She tore up my entire house and tried to attack me again. I called EMS and the cops and they came out. Because my mom refused to go to the hospital, EMS and the cops refused to transport her to the hospital and told me their hands were tied and that even though I am her guardian and my mom is legally incompetent, that she still had "rights" in the state of NC to refuse treatment. The EMS workers were SOOOO nasty and disrespectful to me. One was even the Paramedic Supervisor! While they told me all this, I finally got my mom's APS worker and the APS Director on the phone and they tried to get EMS to take my mom to the hospital--which they still refused. As EMS was about to leave, they tried to get my mom to sign the care refusal form--with me and my cousin screaming at them that my mom is incompetent and can't sign anything legally. The APS worker is screaming thru the phone to not let her sign anything. Both EMS workers get major attitudes and APS makes me get their names so a complaint with the county can be filed on them. As the cops and EMS leave, they tell me my only option is to get Therapeutic Alternatives (Mobile Mental Health Crisis) to come out to my house and have my mom evaluated so she can be IVC'D (Involuntarily Committed). I call them and it takes about 2 hours for them to get to my house and evaluate my mom. They evaluate my mom and go to the magistrate's office to get a warrant for my mom to be IVC'D. It takes another hour and still no police or EMS. At this time, my mom falls on the floor trying to get off the couch and I have to call EMS again. Who shows up as EMS? THE SAME DISRESPECTFUL EMS WORKERS WHO CAME OUT THE FIRST TIME TO MY HOUSE A FEW HOURS EARLIER! (I couldn't make this up if I tried). The police show up a few minutes behind EMS and they have the warrant to transport my mom to the hospital. It takes them TWO HOURS to figure out how to transport my mom to the hospital. When me and my cousin get to the hospital, they triage my mom and let me know it will be a while to get tests run on her and get her a CT Scan. I tell them we are leaving to go home and to call me at home to let me know what happens. I get home at 2am. The hospital calls at 3am to say my mom's tests are normal and that she doesn't fit the criteria for an IVC hold. Then the hospital says that their social worker will work to get her into a nursing home starting today. I tell them thank you and that I know the social worker at the hospital because my mom's APS worker called her the other day and that today they will work together to get my mom into a nursing home. I am leaving my mom in the hospital so they can get her where she needs to be. I pray she gets the help she needs because at this point I refuse to care for her like this in my home. Yesterday was a complete nightmare. No one should have to go through all the hell I went thru yesterday to get my mom help. She needs nursing home care and if she doesn't get it, I am walking away from all this craziness. Today I am starting to get a cold because of all this stress and from being outside in the cold air for hours waiting on EMS and the cops because I couldn't be in the house with my mom acting up and being violent. It's time I take care of myself. So now you see the craziness I went through with the "system." Let's see what the "system" does to get her some help in this way. Please pray for me.
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PinkLadyApple, (and everyone else), I have a WONDERFUL update. Yesterday morning, the hospital social worker and my mom's APS social worker combined their efforts and together, they helped find my mom a SECURE nursing home. It is about an hour and a half away from my home, but it is a great place! It has only 60 beds, and the residents cannot get out. This facility also specializes in dementia patients who are violent and/or have aggressive behaviors. Their staff is specially trained to deal with these types of patients. My mom was taken there yesterday straight from the hospital and she's already getting used to being there. She will be there long term and I don't have to stress out about her care anymore. I was told to go to social services and complete my mom's Medicaid application and to ask for "Special Assistance" (it's what the state of NC will pay towards care for elderly people in nursing homes who cannot fully pay). I am told my mom will qualify and that I don't have to worry about her being kicked out of the facility and that any other out of pocket costs (which should be very little, if any at all) can be paid on a regular basis.

My cousin and I toured the facility and we love it. It's very clean and the atmosphere is nice. We were told to not see my mom and let her get used to the atmosphere of the place and the residents. However, when my cousin and I went to the bathroom before we left, my mom accidentally saw us (but she was smiling and talking with the other residents--which made me very happy). On our way out of the facility, a nurse helped to distract my mom so she wouldn't see us leaving. I am sooooooooooooo thankful that my mom is placed where she needs to be. I went thru HELL to get her the help she needs. Now my focus is to get a job quickly so I don't lose my apartment, so I am presently looking and applying for whatever jobs I see in my area. Thank you all for your support, advice, and help in this situation. God knows I needed it. I'm very happy now, and I can continue on with my life---knowing that my mom is well taken care of.
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Did they give you a reason she didn't qualify for Medicaid? Is she on Medicare? Just with the info you have provided I would start with her doctor. Does she see a geriatric doctor? There offices have been a fountain of information for me. Next I would go an online search on NH in your area and go talk to them. They can also help you set up funding. Another option could be calling your state Aging and Disability agency (check the State Dept of Health) they should also be able to give you some advice/ help.
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Thank you very much for all your help. She only has Medicare. I wasn't told why she didn't receive Medicaid before and will try to get it for her again. Her doctor is a general practitioner who is also the medical director for the nursing home where I would like my mom to go. Her next doctor's appointment is in 3 weeks and I am going to speak with him personally about him writing up orders for her to go into the nursing home. Things are getting difficult at home with her now. Also, thank you for suggesting I contact my state's dept. of Aging and Disability. I will also contact Medicare to see what else I can find out. I love this website. It is so informative and it is wonderful to connect with people who understand my struggles and who provide support, information, and encouragement. It is amazing to see how many people struggle with the same things as myself.
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Carol, julidu, and realtime, thank you all so much for your help and advice. I am definitely looking into the land situation. It's complicated but I am going to get my answers. Unfortunately, the next morning after I typed the above question, my mom took a severe turn for the worse, and I am now forced to have to seek nursing home care for her. Tomorrow, I am taking her back to the doctor to get her placed in a nursing home for respite care for a while until I can sort all this stuff out and go about keeping her there permanently. She needs care I can't give her and I can no longer continue to live like a prisoner in my home hiding all the sharp objects and other things that may harm her or myself. I really don't want to put her in a nursing home, but I have to do what is best for my mom and myself. Reading all the questions on this website continually amazes me at how many people are going through serious problems with loved ones who are facing these types of health and mental issues. I appreciate all your help and guidance. Thank you
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Death threats, you say? Call the law on them. I hope this all gets straightened out very soon...I understand dealing with an elder that you just can't handle anymore, whether you want to or not. And I'm in NC, too, btw... You're doing the right things, you're a great daughter. You're mom hit the jackpot when she adopted you...and so did mine when she adopted me.

And honestly, I'm not getting that doctor at all...I mean, what gives? Is the man blind to the situation? Or just plain stupid? He knows what's up. Does he want you to prove bodily harm before he makes a move? I'd have had a few choice words for him that would have left his ears ringing... Good luck!
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StandingAlone, this situation is very hard for me. As for calling the law on them, I've gone to the magistrate several times to get restraining orders taken out and new harrassment charges filed against my brother (he's the one causing all this), and he has two felonies against him for crimes he committed against my mom in defrauding her, but because he hasn't put his hands on me or gotten in my face, no one will file anything new against him. I'm so frustrated, angry, and upset at all this. My mom is getting worse and he constantly thinks of new ways to aggravate me. He keeps sending family friends and church members to my house trying to find out information, he calls around trying to get information and have mutual friends call my house to speak to my mom so he can get them to talk to my mom and put false info into my mom's head--and then she will get upset and in a rage. I'm at the point of constantly monitoring my phone calls and looking outside my windows all day long to ensure that no one comes to my house. I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of being harassed on one end and being a stressed out caregiver on the other end. All I can do is hold on until my mom's next doctor's appointment to see if he will finally sign the paperwork to admit my mom into a nursing home. If he doesn't and he refuses, I am taking the last and final step and filing court papers to give up guardianship of my mom to the state of NC and the state of NC will then be forced to take ownership of my mom and place her into a nursing home because she needs the care and there is no other family members who are able to take care of my mom. One way or another, I am going to make sure that my last act as her caretaker is to see that she gets the care she needs. Once that is done, I am moving on with my life and away from all this pain and drama.....I've done my best, and now it's time to accept the facts and move forward.
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