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my story is enough to make a movie so i will try to make it brief. i am 47 years old and i live in my parents' house. me and my 85 yr old father were taking care of my mother until she passed in 2023. my brother and his family live next door they were setting up and dividing my mother's meds and giving them to my father. a few months before my mother passed i found out that they were not sending over the seroquel (anti-psychotic) and they had tricked my father into thinking that would "help" her pass away from natural causes and end her suffering and be out of his hair. it was a cruel joke because every time my mother went crazy my father would say "i'm gonna kill myself, this is doing me in" so they wanted to watch my mother drive my father crazy. they were also not sending over her extended release parkinsons meds. they were sending over the regular release despite the fact i told them several times her meds were wearing off. they have no empathy, they live next door and would only come over to see my dying mother once a year on xmas. a bunch of arguing happened when i found all this out and i am not on speaking terms with them.



my mother passed away last year, now i am very worried that they are taking advantage of my father. my father keeps giving them money for various reasons that i believe they are lying about. they have his truck, they keep telling him it needs expensive repairs and make him pay for it. they had my father pay for an operation for their dog. i saw the dog and i dont think he had an operation, they make him pay for all this stuff for their kids but its all lies. they are ripping him off, my father is very grumpy and he just gets mad at me when i try to tell him or talk to him about it. they have POA. i am very worried if my father's mental health declines they are gonna steal from him

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I would report your situation and its entire history to the APS. In absence of their taking action I would make a police report, or at least go to police and/or sheriff in your area.

Do know, that you yourself will be questioned about the situation described in your first paragraph. You will be questioned as to how you so well knew and understood how the medications were be manipulated, and what proof you have/had of this. You may also be asked why you did not report this at the time.

This is a POA situation, so as a concerned family member you can also see an attorney and ask that the records of the POA be examined to make certain there is no elder abuse. But again, as the mother and father apparently trusted this son to be POA, you will be asked what proof you have of wrongdoing, because this would be a court action in which the judge would be asking the POA to appear and answer to accusations.
This could end up as a costly action, but one hour of time with an attorney would at least answer some questions you may have, and supply some options.

I wish you good luck. You're right; a bit like a good movie script. I hope you will update us.
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gristam Mar 17, 2024
well my mother already passed last year, after they gave the meds back when i threatened to report them. so i dont see the point in reporting all that now. they are ripping my father off and i have no proof so idk if there is anything APS or the police can do.
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If you don't have proof, you might be able to start documenting things now with photos. Also, if this gets as far as a court case, your testimony would be valuable.

As far as not knowing what APS or the police could do, you've put together this whole accusation for some purpose, and if you don't report these allegations to the proper authorities, it's all for nothing. If you want help in this matter, report it. Then the authorities have the burden of deciding if something can be done.
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gristam Mar 17, 2024
it happened last year and i have no proof, unless my father admits it as well. i did not report it because i did not want my father to be questioned about the pills. i am mostly worried about how to protect my father from them
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Gristam, you report to us that this is a bit "like a movie" in which you "have problems" and the brother is the "white picket fence ideal family type".

You also tell us that you have no proof.

There is then the fact that your parents made brother the POA.

I would say that you should let this go. Doing things like harassing the family with the coffee mug is going to get you in trouble, and "doesn't look good".

I am afraid not everything can be fixed. Let it go and move on with your own life.
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gristam Mar 18, 2024
oh dude that happened last year. i am not doing anything else to them and i have already forgiven them in my mind. i said it's like a movie because they tricked my father into thinking they were gonna help kill grandma and they were not giving her the right pills, amongst a bunch of other things like taking away her vitamins. if i was a violent person i would be in prison, most men would do alot worse than i did if someone abused their deathbed mother

that is all over, my mother passed away and i am moving on with my life. i just got a new job and everything. i just wanted to tell the back story. my problem is they keep ripping my father off with lies about car repairs, dog operations, and stuff for their kids. the POA thing worries me because they are obviously not honest people therefore i am worried they are gonna steal from him.
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Off topic, but do you work outside the home? Do you aspire to having your own home one day?
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gristam Mar 20, 2024
well idk why you ask but, i used to own my own home, then i moved back in with my parents at age 37 when i got laid off from my job and was having other issues. i recently went back to work, i couldnt work in a few years because i had to be my mom's caregiver. my dad is 85 yrs old and wants me to live here, also i am NOT gonna leave my father alone with my abusive brother and his wife living next door ripping him off all the time. who knows what they would do if i didn't live here
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The unfortunate basic fact is that your dad chose your brother as his POA and your father chooses to give him money. You can’t change either of those things, especially as your dad is defending it. My dad went to his grave defending my dysfunctional sibling, though dad did take away him being POA and executor of his will, so he did see the situation clearly though he could never stop the money drain. We have to accept the choices of others, even the bad ones.
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gristam Mar 21, 2024
thanks for the response, that's the problem is my dad does not believe me when i tell him they are taking advantage of him. the only way i can justify it in my mind and feel better about it is i just figure well if they are using the money to help out the kids and as long as they dont drive him totally broke i guess i have to accept it.
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Was any of this documented? If not, it’s probably going to be considered water under the bridge. Nothing can be done without proof.

Of course, I understand your frustration. I cared for my mother with Parkinson’s disease. Meds are crucial in controlling the symptoms.

I am sorry that you have those memories and that you are concerned about your dad’s well being.

Not sure what to say except to keep an eye on everything and report something that is wrong immediately to APS.

Best of luck to you.
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gristam Mar 21, 2024
thanks for your response. well my mom passed away last year and yes i do have a bunch of notes with everything they did. the issue with my mom is not the problem, i just wanted to tell the back story to show how bad they are. my problem is they keep ripping my dad off now and i dont know what to do, i am also worried they are gonna steal from him because they have POA.
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Power of Attorney can easily be undone. Just have your father sign a new one saying you are his power of attorney. Also, take him to the bank and have him sign for you to be on his accounts. Now, sibling will have to go through you to get to his money. (make sure they know that, too). Following this, give dad a weekly allowance for spending money while you handle all the bills. This would be a good time to re-do the will, also, and make anyone besides sibling executor. Also, have them bring the truck back and you take the keys.

I had to do this with my mom as my brother was bleeding her dry.
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gristam Mar 23, 2024
this is the response i was looking for thanks. it's just that my dad is so grumpy, i lived with him for the past 10 years and when i was a kid, we never had a conversation more than a few mins. he loves me and all but thats just how he is quiet and grumpy. HE is the one that also thought they were "killing" my mom by not giving her the seroquel, even though it was fake and it was just a big cruel joke on HIM. so he is kinda more on my brothers side and doesnt believe me when i try to tell him what they were/are doing. i'm just gonna have to try my best to convince him that seeing how i live in the house with him it would be best if i was a POA. as for taking my brother off POA i dont think he would do that, and if i asked my brother to give the truck back he would tell me to F-off. i remember a few years ago my mom even asked when are we gonna get the truck back and he yelled at her and told her he needs it.
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