Hello.
So my mother thinks there are 2 young boys in her home. No one but her has ever seen these boys. We've had instances of calling the neighbors and the police to check the house and there is no sign of these kids she claims that she hears, but she is adamant. She is staying with me currently, but wants to go back home, which I have mixed feelings about. She lives in the east and I live in the west. My brother and I cannot continue travelling back and forth across the country every time she has an episode involving these "kids." And we fear that things may escalate if she keeps calling the police. I have asked her what it would take to make her feel secure in her home, but she starts talking about putting it in God's hands and with all respect, it's b.s. That doesn't solve anything and leaves us right back to where we started. I am at a loss. I am not sure she should even be living at her home alone. She has limited mobility (uses a walker), some paranoia for sure, but otherwise in great health and her mind is intact. I am frustrated and exhausted. I understand her wanting to be home, but I know that a call is going to come about those kids and I am 5000 miles away. It keeps me on edge and stressed out. I want to get off this merry-go-round.
I also feel bad about not believing her about these kids. Her memory is not always the greatest and I cannot always trust what she remembers. So I don't believe that these kids exist and I feel bad about that and I think she is a little hurt that I don't believe her.
It isn't a war.
It's a broken brain.
It is not clear in light of this short note to us whether mother is mentally ill or suffering from dementia. Or even if there are two boys harassing her in her neighborhood. And if you are 5,000 miles from her there is no way for you to know.
You tell you that you have several times had neighbors and even authorities check on your mother's apparent confabulation, and they found nothing.
Next time your mother, who you have been living with now and consider to be of sound mind, speaks of these two lads I would call APS in your area. Let them know of these reports of two young men. Let them know you are not POA and cannot be from 5,000 miles away. Let them know Mom is alone and may be at risk and you would like her assessed to decide if she requires guardianship of the state for her safety and welfare.
Other than that, and short of just "letting go and letting God...." you might ask Mom "Could I speak to the lads when they visit next".
Your mother is apparently of an age. You consider her competent to care for herself. So you may as well allow her to do so. Trying to force her into diagnostic, trying to spend 10K on an attorney for a guardianship fight for extended care placement? Would that give her a longer and better life? My opinion is--probably not.
Basically, it's up to you. This is your life and your Mom. You will have to follow up on this in any way you are most comfortable with, including measures such as having a private eye observe comings and goings from mom's place, or asking her if you can install camera and monitoring devices for her safety.
Paranoia is one of many signs that one is suffering from the horrible disease of dementia, as is the fact that "her memory is not always the greatest" and your mother should no longer be living by herself.
Her dementia will continue to only get worse and it's best now that she gets placed in a nice assisted living facility with a memory care unit attached for when the time comes, so she will receive the care she requires now and in the future.
And to answer your question..."How do you defeat paranoia" I will just say, YOU DON'T. It may perhaps get better in time as her dementia worsens and she can no longer remember much including the boys in her house, but other than that, you may want to talk to her doctor about some medications that may help with any anxiety these hallucinations and delusions.
And of course educating yourself more about this horrific disease of dementia, so you will have a better understanding of what your mother is going through.