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My mother was raised in a very strict Baptist home - everything was a sin and filthy. Mom took herself away from all that decades ago and while she has a vague belief in some kind of God, that’s where it ends. Mom lives alone in her home, with home assistance 3 days a week. She has burned through caregivers - she’s on #8 or so. They churn in and out for all kinds of reasons. The newest one is an evangelical Christian, and proselytizes nonstop. She stops pregnant women in the grocery store and asks if she can pray over them. She cross-examined Mom about her beliefs about death and the afterlife, and on her next visit gave Mom a 500-page book about Heaven to read (Mom is nearly blind.) This has upset Mom a LOT. She tried to read the book and found it creepy and upsetting, and does NOT want this woman’s prayers and exhortations and inquisitions. She’s afraid to say anything because “they’ll be mad at me.” There’s a whole lot more backstory with my mother’s high anxiety, narcissism, paranoia, and dementia to complicate this. I told her I would talk to the agency and ask that this caregiver not bring her religion into my mother’s house. I’m a stone atheist and this infuriates me, and feel this is totally inappropriate - but my own feelings aside, Mom is VERY upset by this. Is it appropriate for me to ask (very nicely) that this person knock it off or send someone else because it’s making my mother extremely uncomfortable and she simply doesn’t have the social/emotional wherewithal to handle it. I have no trouble being the complainer… but given how much trouble we’re having with caregivers, stirring the pot is tricky. Advice? Thanks!

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As a new by to being a carepartner my self, this situation should not even happen. I am surprised religion is engendered allowed to be discussed unless the patient and family request it. Sounds like you need to find a better caregiver match for your mom. Better days wished for your Mom.
E
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RunningOnFumes: I am glad to read that the issue has been resolved.
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I'm glad you got this problem solved. Good for you!

I recall my elderly grandmother, who drove my mother nuts on her best day, got hooked up with an extreme group of religious zealots while she lived with us. She'd walk around the neighborhood handing out pamphlets and preaching to the neighbors which mom hated. Then she'd invite some of her religious friends over to the house and they'd all tell me, a little kid, how I was evil and a spawn of Satan and going to hell. Then they'd all pray over me while I'd slowly inch my way outta there.

Yeah, those were fun times alright 🙄
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How anyone would react to a carer who pushed ideas about a non-Christian religion. I don’t think Islam would go down well with a majority of older people, and objecting would be totally acceptable. Why should anyone be a bit tentative about stopping someone pushing a particular ‘brand’ of Christianity? Interesting to think about!
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I would replace her immediately. She upsets your mother. She has shown clearly that her religious beliefs are more important to her than anything. She’s not going to suddenly develop the level of professionalism necessary for the job.
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Followup here… I contacted the agency and matter-of-factly told them that this had upset my mother a lot, and we did not want any such religious conversation. The manager said this was “absolutely against our rules,”and they found another caregiver. So, thank you for validating our concern that this was inappropriate. One more crisis averted… till the next one! Happy holidays, everyone, however you celebrate (or not!).
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graygrammie Dec 21, 2023
I'm glad it is resolved. Could you tell me the name of the book? There are a lot of whackadoodles out there speaking Christianese but I question their faith. I wonder if it was a book from one of those extreme churches.
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It is NOT appropriate for the caregiver to talk about her religious beliefs or push it on her patient. The care agency I work for provides training and insists that the caregiver must be respectful of the culture and beliefs of the patient. You are right to let her know, directly, that she is making mom uncomfortable and it is not appropriate. I would also let the agency know. Don't be afraid of losing another caregiver. If she makes mom uncomfortable, you don't need her!
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I'm christian and we are supposed to spread the word. Totally understandable.... However, there are some people who go overboard and feel it's ok. Usually I'd say, ask them to stop but, I'm afraid giving that caregiver a chance to ease off probably won't go well. They will have reasons to be doing what they're doing. I'd just call the agency and ask for someone else.
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Ask for a new person anyone would find this caretaker annoying
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It is totally inappropriate.
Also causing your mother anxiety and distress, that should not be happening.
Her beliefs are not part of caregiving.
I would talk to agency right away.
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I would give her a chance. I would say to her that Mom is very uncomfortable with her evangelizing. Your Mom respects the Caregivers beliefs and the Caregiver needs to respect Moms which aren't the same. So please stop talking religion when at Moms house. It really is unprofessional.
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Her life's work is evangelizing. Caregiving is her side gig. She's not going to stop and will see your mom's reluctance as a challenge.

Time to find caregiver #9.
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If good help is hard to come by in your area and her work otherwise is satisfactory, I would tell the aide she needs to stop proselytizing because it is upsetting your mother.

But if you can easily find a replacement, I would let her go. It’s not a good fit.
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You won’t convince this person that your mother’s religious beliefs are not her business, because she thinks that she is right and that she ought to evangelise. And the agency can’t control her take on religion.

Perhaps you could manage it by saying that she is NOT PAID to talk to your mother about religion. She can pray for your mother on HER time, not on YOURS. I'd probably add that expecting to be paid to pray is contrary to my own beliefs, and I find it quite shocking.
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As the others have said , it is more than appropriate for you to tell this woman to stop .
You should definitely tell the agency .
It’s also appropriate to just fire her if you wish. You’re in a tough spot considering the revolving door going on with staff.
Does your mother wish she would not come back? Is she happy with this woman other wise ?
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I'd give her one chance to change her behaviour, and although it's not in me to be impolite I certainly wouldn't mince words when I told her to knock it off. But I think you also need to inform the agency because if she's doing it to your mother she's undoubtedly doing it to everyone and that needs to be dealt with.
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IF you want to keep this caregiver (I would not) then I'd ask for more professionalism, starting today.

Not understanding professional boundaries is a deal-breaker for me.

"Ask... that this person knock it off"

I'd leave out the *nicely* & and ask FIRMLY. Also state this is a ONE TIME request & it is PERMANENT. Be professional or your contract is terminated.
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The only thing that I would be thinking if I were in your shoes, would be that this fanatical, overly zealous, cultish person has got to go. She’s paid to be a caregiver, not a spiritual adviser.

Your posts reminds me of a caregiver that came to take care of my mom. She was a practicing Wiccan. She was very transparent about it and asked me if it was a problem for me.

I told her that personally I didn’t care who or what she believed in. Nor did I care if she didn’t believe in anything at all. I’m very much a live and let live type of person.

I explained to her that my mother was a Catholic who wasn’t judgmental in any way of other people’s beliefs but that I would prefer that she not discuss any spirituality with her.

Fortunately, this caregiver fully understood how I felt and there was never a problem.

The type of person that is in your house is either mentally ill or has been indoctrinated so heavily that she isn’t going to listen to you.

I would be concerned that if you oppose her “prayers” she would just pray harder for you and your mom. This is why I would want to ditch her altogether.

She is on a mission to “save” the world, regardless of knowing that not everyone wishes to be prayed over or saved. It’s disturbing when people cause damage to others all in the name of religion.

Sorry that your mom is blowing through caregivers. what’s one or two more at this point?

Good luck!
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This is a very simple one. You inform the person that you can appreciate that they are evangelical (It is a part of their practice that they evangelize), but that it is inappropriaye for her/him to do this as a caregiver and that it must stop AT ONCE. Tell this person that neither you nor your mother wish to hear a single thing about this person's faith, nor any discussion of ANY faith at all.
Tell this person that if they cannot keep their faith separate from their job they cannot work for your mother.

See. Took all of about 15 seconds to say that nicely. You can even add a nice little "I am glad you have the comfort of your faith BUT....................."

You can in fact do this about any subject. Sex. Politics. etc.
Free hire and free fire for most states. The person either works out for you or they do not.
This particular person would not work out for me at all. Nor be tolerated for more than one caregiving session.
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Your Mom needs to ask her to stop. She needs to tell the aid that if she doesn't stop then the next call is to the agency. If the aid doesn't stop then she calls the agency to see what they will do about it. If nothing, then she should get a new aid.
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Ouch! I, too, am an atheist and can’t imagine telling a client her religious beliefs are irrational, nor the reverse, as what is being imposed upon your mother. I can understand your apprehension given that this is #8. But the agency should know that they have hired someone sorely lacking professionalism. Religion, politics, money, crime... all subjects to be avoided on the job. Especially as a caregiver.
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Get rid of this nut case. I am sorry your mother is being subjected to this nonsense.
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You are paying this person's salary. You are within your rights to say she's not suitable and why.
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