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My mother is 90 years old and my brother is her financial advisor. I am her 60 year son who lives with her and I am her only caregiver. When I let my brother become her financial advisor he agreed to run all transactions by me. There are few transactions. Now he says he can't work with me and has told my mother that she must not take my advice anymore. He gave her an ultimatum. He says he must ignore me or he refuses to be financial advisor.
I have twenty years experience in finance. I feel this ultimatum puts an undue pressure on my mom to choose between sons. I find that somewhat cruel but that's another story. My mother and I are perplexed as to how to handle this whole situation.

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luvtomom Oct 2020
I do believe he has gotten clean, thanks. And no there isn't much need for a financial advisor. I have an accountant/lawyer friend who helps me. By brother often recommeds changing investments which I see as more risky and he wants complete control of her investments. I do not want that to happen.
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Sounds like your brother is up to something nefarious. Is he going to get her to cut you out of her will? And here you are, her 24/7/365 caregiver. Do you get any compensation? Have you been promised the house? Is he going to make sure he gets it?

How was your relationship with your brother before all of this?
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luvtomom Oct 2020
No, I do not get any compensation. The idea has crossed my mine. I have been doing this for over 3 years and care in my area is very expensive but I can't ask my mom and my siblings are staying silent.
The relationship with brother hasn't been good before. He wants complete control of my mother's investments and I can't let that happen. If he wasn't a family member I would of course recommend the my mom fire him. He keeps saying that only he is qualified to give advice because he is the professional.
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Is your mom competent?   You should be on POA.
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luvtomom Oct 2020
I have POA but as she is competent it means nothing?
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Is he a Certified Financial Planner, with a license? Report him to his licensing agency.

Every trade that gets made costs your mother money in transaction fees and possibly taxes. This is called "churning". It is done by unscrupulous Financial Planners.

Go to www.bogleheads.org for solid financial information.

At this point in her life, your mother needs a financial advisor like she needs a new skateboard. She needs a trustworthy POA and protections from scammers and wolves.
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luvtomom Oct 2020
Yes he is a CFP. And I am in agreement about needing one.
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sounds like it is time to get a new "Financial Planner"
No professional would do that to a client
Like loaning money to a family member or friend I do not think family should do business when it comes to money matters.
I would ask for all your moms paperwork, all the information he has and get a new advisor. Actually your mom should do this if she is capable of doing so.
I do hope that you have the ability to also see her accounts just to make sure that nothing is amiss once she finds another financial advisor.
Take this opportunity to review all her paperwork as well. Health Care directives in order? Does she have a Will that is current? does she have updated beneficiaries where needed? and all the other "stuff" that goes with this. A visit to an Elder Care Attorney might be in order. If mom does not want to "ruffle feathers" she can just say that she is doing a end or beginning of the year review of all her papers to make sure they are up to date and there would be nothing that would create a problem if anything should happen
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luvtomom Oct 2020
Thanks, I agree that "no professional would do that to a client"
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I agree with taking mom to an Eldercare attorney. That would be a good opportunity to discuss a caregiver compensation contract.
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I agree with Barb.
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As a CFP how does your brother make money? Is his income based on the assets of his clients or is he commissioned? If he's commissioned he makes money every time he changes investments. As a CFP he is a fiduciary and any investment changes must be in the best interest of your mom. Are they? At 90 yrs old she should be in cash and income producing securities not Twitter or risky investments. His “churning” of her acct smells fishy, and, in fact, is illegal. If you are her financial POA you have a right to see those transactions. Your POA became effective and actionable on the date it was signed regardless if mom is competent or not unless it is a springing or conditional POA which I never recommend. Check your POA document. In fact, if written properly, it gives you the right to choose a CFP for her. Is your brother using HIPPA regs to prevent you from seeing her acct? If you have a springing POA you can still file a complaint with the CFP Board of Standards. I would threaten your brother with that move if his behavior continues. If you have a regular POA fire him now and find someone else. He is obviously not complying with CFP ethic standards.
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luvtomom Oct 2020
I just read the POA again. It is a Durable Power in California and it took effect upon signing. So I can fire him and act on the assets as I read it. Wow, Thank you so much.
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As someone stated first check her poa. Next in line is a competent advisor who will make decisions in mom's interest, if her investments warrant such. If not, you can work with her bank to tier multiple cds to come due each month allowing her to take interest and if not needed, reinvest the principal. Open a money market fund for excess money she may have, usually pays a better interest rate than passbook savings, just remember to keep minimum balance to avoid fees. Something smells fishy with your brother. Trying to make the most amount of money at mom's expense? Skimming funds? The fact that he refuses to be completely transparent about transactions is concerning and a huge red flag. Time to tell mom that she needs to move her accounts to xyz brokerage firm, less fees for her, they offer more choices than brother can because of higher number of clients, also tell her best way to keep peace in the family because new place only has her best interests in mind and will take added stress off of brother's shoulders. Your brother is fully aware of your experience in the finance industry and this is the reason he wants to keep you in the dark. Another thing to consider and look into is has he made himself the sole beneficiary of these investment accounts, circumventing other siblings ability to inherit anything that may be left after all of her final expenses are taken care of? This whole thing smells to high heaven.
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You say you have years of experience. He does as well. So question I will ask is, is he running the finances well? Is he doing a good job. Because if he is doing a good job for some years perhaps he should continue to do so. You have caregiving on your plate and it should be a relief to give up the financial end. It would have been for me.
So my question is, are you suspicious of something? Do you feel there could be financial abuse? Have you reason to think this? Because if so, you could tell Mom that it is her decision but it makes you uncomfortable to be told that neither you nor Mom have a right to know what is going on, and you would rather pay a fiduciary to handle finances, where you would all stay informed.
I can see both sides here. It only makes me a tad "uncomfortable" that bro wants to "go dark".
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Takincare Oct 2020
Other thing that weighs the scales in moving her funds is that brother is a recovering addict. Who's to say if he's still clean or has fallen off the wagon. Something just doesn't seem right due to lack of transparency and attempting to bully mom into decisions, putting her in a stressful situation. Maybe an audit by an outside agency on mom's accounts need to be done to negate all suspicions of any possible inappropriate mismanagement or misappropriation of her funds.
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"...When I let my brother become her financial advisor he agreed to run all transactions by me. There are few transactions..." So can he make the transactions himself or is your mother making the transactions? Is it a self-directed brokerage account? What transactions are you talking about?

Your mother gave *you* POA, not your brother. If I were you, I would go over with your mother all of her finances as they currently stand and ask her if she's happy with them in terms of the income she's getting from them. Changing allocations and investment instruments in a market that is as volatile as the current one is very risky for someone on a fixed income.

Once you get her finances sorted out, I would see if the brokerage she's with offers CFP services. Most do.

Your brother really has no business putting pressure on your mother - it's a red flag! She needs to stand up to him and say that if she wants his advice she'll ask for it. She also does not need to explain herself to him.
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Another option to consider is the investment department of her current bank. They will be able to maintain stocks and investments she wishes to continue but also give her the ability to have them make sound financial decisions in her best interests.
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GardenArtist Oct 2020
Please don't be offended, but I would like to recommend against your suggestion.  The reason why is because we've been through bank recommendations, and I would never do it again.   

One of the "investment advisors" at the local branch of one of the major financial institutions talked my parents into getting an annuity, which was inappropriate at their ages.    They were "played".     After reading the documents, I couldn't find any way to rescind the actions, but I did speak to the branch manager and made clear my objections to exploiting seniors.

When Mom died, I helped Dad cash it out and invest the funds in the good stock portfolio he had selected after working with an investment group for years.

A bank investment department also would likely charge a fee for managing the portfolio.    Dad pays no fees at all on his portfolio.
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I ask the same question BarbB asked:    why does she need a financial advisor?   At her age, or for that matter anyone in the "older" range, she needs guaranteed income.   She doesn't need to be another Gordon Gekko.  

I wouldn't disagree that the economic upheavals of this year demand at least an assessment of the portfolio, but I just don't see the rationale for so much apparent attention.  

Greed and control would be what I would suspect are the motives for your brother's wannabe takeover of your mother's finances.   I wouldn't allow this under any circumstances.
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Luvtomom, a durable power of attorney allows you to execute MOM's wishes, not yours.

As I said in a post to you several years ago, regardless of your POA, she is allowed to make BAD decisions.

I think it would be best to get an eldercare attiorney involvedbat this point. If you talk mom into firing brother, that could be seen as "undue influence" same as brother is doing.

You need a neutral 3rd party. And you need to be compensated for your caregiving.
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luvtomom Oct 2020
Thanks again for your advice. My mother told me today she won't be forced to decide by my brother. The situation will stay as is and he will have to decide for himself. The whole thing is very stressful for her. At some point a neutral person may be needed.
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Who does mom's taxes?
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Luvtomom, just curious, and I apologize if I'm wrong, but I'm wondering if the financial brother is the kind who "knows it all", feels he's smarter than others, looks down on those he thinks aren't as smart as he is, and has poor interpersonal relations?   I ask b/c I've seen this kind of person before, acting in a manner similar to that you described.
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NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020
That’s what I was wondering too, GA.
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Your brother appears to be controlling. He is stressing your mom out. Sounds uncomfortable for you and your mom.

See an attorney. If I were your mom I would remove him from handling her financial matters.

I wish your brother success in staying sober but it makes absolutely no sense to place him in a situation where he has temptation or any possibility of more control than he should have.

I have enormous empathy for you. I grew up with an addict. Unfortunately, he died several years ago due to his reckless behavior.

Best wishes to you and your family.
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The most obvious financial advantage for your brother in having complete control is that he can have a lot of fun playing the market and swapping investments frequently, while earning commission on each transaction at the same time. It goes downhill from there.

Your mother should not look at this as ‘choosing between sons’. She is simply allowing the POA to operate in the way it was always intended to. She made the choice about money when she signed the POA. It’s not about sons.
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MargaretMcKen Oct 2020
Nothing much needs to change. Your brother can still give advice, which is effectively where it has been when you had a veto on the advice. You had a private arrangement with him to do the paperwork. If he spits the dummy and won't be in it, so what? You just do at bit more paperwork. Mother doesn't need to choose at all. He is the one who wants the change, no-one has to agree.
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Have you run bro’s name on FINRA?
and also if he was in a smaller local firm, run the names of the principals of group on FINRA as well. Even if the firm dissolved.

Guys that churn accounts usually have a lively FINRA.
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Of course, I have absolutely no proof. It’s purely speculation but I did grow up with an addict so I do recognize certain signs and red flags.

When mom was living with me I found out that she named my drug addicted brother as her POA. I just about blew a rod. After composing myself, I asked mom why would she do such a thing.

Her response to my question floored me. She said, “Well, I wanted him to feel important and to feel that I trust him. He feels worthless.”

I was completely taken aback by her answer. Then I told her that I was utterly devastated and disappointed with her poor judgment.

I told her that daddy would never have allowed such a thing to occur and that we were going to an attorney to have him removed immediately.

She agreed but was still concerned more about his feelings than being practical and protecting herself. Not to mention how it effected me, the daughter who did everything for her.

I was hurt. I was shocked. There are no words to describe how it felt to see my mom live with the constant stress.

I had empathy for her but let’s be honest, she invited this into her life when she assigned him as her POA.

Some parents can be blind when it comes to their children. Plus she’s old school.

My brother was her first born and she feels men are more important than women. I was only regarded as a servant.

How do you know that your brother isn’t using? No one gets past their addiction. They stay in recovery.

Some don’t even make it that far and even if they do, the risk of relapse is always a short step away.
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"It's, ok, brother, Mom and I understand that this is giving you more stress, than any of us realize. Mom and I can figure it out. If we have questions, we will ask her CPA." (unless brother is her CPA).

Stress happens brother, and don't worry about it. We can handle it from here.

Love You. Rest up. Dealing with Covid, taking care of Mom, and your family, we totally understand. Sometimes it gets to overwelming.
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Brother is going to have to decide what? Whether to continue to be her financial advisor if he doesn't get complete control?

Poor mom.
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luvtomom Nov 2020
Yes, she tells me she will not give him control and that he can go if he wants.
But I do expect him to keep pushing. By the way, I now regret now getting a caregiver compensation agreement. I just thought it was wrong to ask my mom. But if I put it to my siblings for a request for back pay they might appreciate all I have done for them. That money I saved them is going to their inheritance. My mom is legally blind because of macular. A caregiver is a necessity. I don't expect them to go along with back pay though.
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LuvtoMom, I think your brother has a transactional personality, something I've only learned about in the last few years.   All the planning, manipulation, pleading and whatever aren't going to change this personality disorder.

What I've also seen is that the individual thinks he/she is smarter than others, by a wide margin, and therefore doesn't believe that others' opinions are worth considering.    Treating others with contempt and derision can be a factor of what little interpersonal action exists.  Control is a mandate for this person.  

I'm sure there are some very complicating factors involved as well, including how to protect yourself from such a person when he/she needs money, and comes after someone else's.   

Although I haven't read this in brief synopses I've read, I think that elevating oneself to a level well above others is a driving factor.   What I have seen is that it doesn't get better; it only gets worse, with more aggressive controlling efforts.  It can reach a point that the individual thinks no one is as smart as him/her; others are just stupid.      

The extent to which such an individual may go after money is totally shocking.  

LuvtoMom, I would read up as much as I can about this disorder, and take the action you need to keep your brother from any contact whatsoever with your mother's funds.   Although I don't know him, based on my own experiences, I can pretty much guarantee that if he does get access to the funds, you'll never again be able to control Mom's finances, make investments, or even know what's going on.   He'll close the information channel.

This is serious, really serious.   Talking to him is fruitless.  And distancing is wise for  a number of reasons, including the possibility of more aggressive and less legal action on his part to get access to money.

BTW, do you know if he's heavily in debt?   This can be an accompanying factor, or a driver to the need to gain access to funds.
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NHWM's comment on what her mother observed is insightful: her mother seems to have some innate ability for psychological evaluation:

"Well, I wanted him to feel important and to feel that I trust him. He feels worthless."

I think this may be true for transactional personalities.   Money infers power.   There's a Macro Economic theory on this but I can't remember it now; however, it does address a "money effect".  At some levels, this explains why people buy so much, often much more than they need, even though they can't afford it.   It makes them feel better, perhaps even more worthwhile.   And our society does value money and the accumulation of it.  

Consider "conspicuous consumption" and how it affects so many, spending well beyond their needs.    I haven't linked the economic theory with the psychological theory, but I'm betting that someone has.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2020
Yep, so true. Every word of what you typed is true. It’s perplexing and sad.
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