This may not be the appropriate place for the question but I need support. My friend of 48 years went in for a routine biopsy of her pancreas 4 weeks ago. Unfortunately the doctors discovered that her bile duct was blocked. Additionally she had internal bleeding in her stomach resulting in emergency surgery and removal of a portion of her stomach. A couple of days later a drainage was input for her bile. All seemed normal and recovery underway until another episode of internal bleeding. This time it was a blood vessel in her liver which was discovered after injection of dye to locate the bleeding. This causes the kidney to take a huge hit. Long story short, kidneys are not waking up, liver not functioning, mass in her pancreas is inoperative and at age 66 my dear friend cannot handle chemo or any surgery. She is on a ventilator, has a tracheotomy, receiving dialysis and continuous morphine drip to manage the pain. She is conscious and aware of condition but has not indicated she is ready to give up. In the past she has told family and friends she does want to be kept alive by machines. Do we ask her what she wants or take her off the ventilator to see if she can breathe on her own? The family thinks it's time because there's nothing that can be done at this time for her and she is basically on life support. Should we try to ask her?
I am so sorry to hear about your friend's situation. I know you love her a lot and do not want her to suffer. It is a very delicate situation. But I guess if it were me, I would want someone to ask me if I was conscious what I wanted. I would try to have more than one person in the room to make sure there is no misunderstanding.
Instead of a direct question like "should we remove the ventilator?" I might approach it more like this. "I hate to see you depending on so many machines. Whenever you are ready to stop any of them, just let us know and we'll help with the process."
You must be so stressed out! My heart goes out to you.
I'm sorry for you and wish you the very best. She is lucky to have a friend like you.
I am sorry for your friend's suffering and hope she can be made comfortable.
My heart breaks for her.
She will be in my prayers.
It sounds like the ICU doctors are taking a thoughtful and compassionate approach.
That said, in these kinds of situations, it often helps to request a palliative care consultation as well. Those teams are specially trained to help patients and families think through difficult and complex medical situations. They are also sometimes able to spend more time in conversation with patients and families, which can be helpful.
I'm sorry for your friend's situation, it must be so hard for you and her family.
This is a good time for all of us to be sure we have our wishes written down so our families won't have these awful choices.
OnlyChild - support your friend as she makes this difficult and scary decision. Visit with her. Read to her. Help her get information about her prognosis, palliative care, and hospice. Many people think they want doctors to "do everything" but then change their minds when faced with the stark reality of a long, painful death. So sorry for you.