My stepmom recently had a bout with very high blood pressure and seizures and was hospitalized. She is in renal failure and has dialysis 3 times a week. Myself and my niece are her only relatives and we both live out of state and work full-time. We stayed with her for several weeks and she is doing well except for severe anxiety and mood swings. She is also having significant memory loss that she didn't have before. She's lonely even though she has a wonderful circle of friends and a caregiver that comes in twice a day. She calls me and her friends several time per day and night. It's become crazy. I feel guilty if I don't answer the phone and she's upset with me the next time she calls. I've had a trip planned with some girlfriends for quite some time and now I won't tell my stepmom because I think she'll fain an illness to get me there instead. She's already tried that one once. I know this is the start of a long road ahead. Any advice?
I certainly would rethink her lodging, possibly AL. There is absolutely no reason to give up your life and well-being for her.
You can correct this, it is up to you to stop her from manipulating you.
Guilt is for those who kill people. For people who maliciously and with malice aforethought harm others. And of course, people who do that intentionally never feel guilt. You aren't a Saint. You cannot "Fix it" all. So sorry.
Make sure Stepmom is in contact with her doctors to keep tabs on that memory loss and any other health issues. Also, if you don’t already have POA for her, it might be a good idea to get it.