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He is in a nursing home and on Medicaid Disability. Before anyone accuses me of trying to bilk the system, he is young and developed terminal glioblastoma right after starting a new job. Do I need to give that money to the nursing home? I am trying to use the money to take him out of there and move temporarily into a handicapped accessible apartment (I will provide his care) until I am not able to provide his care any longer (if that happens). I have also made arrangements to transfer him to a different facility once he requires hospice using his SSDI if that becomes necessary.

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I'm not sure how you "got" his check from SSDI. They require paperwork you have to fill out. Did you do all of that? It has to be approved by SSA. Where are his family members? Be careful, there are legalities involved here.
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Reply to Silverspring
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Is this the every month paid SSDI or is it back pay + the retroactive?
and
right now what is his classification and timeline at the NH? By that I mean is when did he enter the NH as a discharge from the hospital? AND is he there as a rehabilitation patient OR as a custodial care resident? The answer on this will matter big time as to his having to use his SSDI income for his Share of Cost that the LTC Medicaid program requires.

Has anyone spoken to you regarding “SOC”? Or is this all oh so new that it’s all a blur?

If you have not looked into support group for gliloblastoma, please pls do so. They will be invaluable for you in this difficult path.
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Grandma1954 Jul 10, 2024
please explain what "SOC" is
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Just do what you feel needs to be done . The NH gets Plenty of Money - take care of him and yourself .
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Daughterof1930 Jul 10, 2024
Be careful doling out advice like this. Nursing homes have to be paid for the services and care they provide, it’s expensive and often involves contracts with providers. Those using them can’t simply do as they wish
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Yes, you have to give that money to the nursing home. If he has terminal cancer he needs to stay where he is.

Of course, if you want to take care of him yourself in an apartment that's an option too.

The nursing home is going to come after you for the money though. Talk to a lawyer.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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They will ask for it. In NY you can keep $50 a month of it to cover personal expenses.

My heart goes out to both of you. I have a dear friend who has this. We are devastated watching her decline so quickly.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Are you his POA? How do you have the right to deal with his finances and care? I’m asking because it’s legally relevant. You and boyfriend need to make sure you’re acting within the law.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I'm very sorry about your boyfriend. SS should have been notified of his change of address and they would take care of the rest.

There is an exception, I don't know if it works for SSDI, but SSI, recipients can keep their full benefits if they're in the NH for 90 days or less. They would need a note from their doctor saying this, which would be sent to SS
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igloo572 Jul 11, 2024
If he is planning on returning home, no change of address.
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Is he currently incapacitated? If so, who has been advocating for him and managing his affairs to this point? Does he have parents involved? Siblings? How old are the both of you? Only asking to get a sense of your knowledge and experience in managing complex things and navigating legalities, and being able to plan for it and afford it. No disrespect meant, just would be helpful information to help guide you.

Others are correct in that if is capable now, he will eventually require a legal advocate that he assigns. If he doesn't put hit in place he will become a ward of 3rd party guardian.

Make sure if he has a good relationship with his family that you are in communciation with them with what you are doing. I have adult sons (late 20s to mid 30s). I'm not sure I'd want a GF to be managing things but it would depend on how long they've been together and whether I felt she knew what she was in for in committing to hands-on in-home care.

I'm so sorry you are all going through this terribly stressful experience.
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Reply to Geaton777
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He is your boyfriend, not your spouse, so that means you really should not touch that money. His name is on the check, right? You don't want trouble. You do want a lawyer.

I just looked up glioblastoma and it is a heartbreaking diagnosis. You both have a lot to face in the future. You will find support here but I also hope you can find support locally.
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Reply to graygrammie
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Bottom line is someone has to pay the nursing home for the care he has already received, only you and he know whether he has the funds to do this.
My brother remained lucid pretty much right up until his final month (which he spent in a hospice facility) so assuming your boyfriend is also competent he needs to take steps to get his affairs in order, that means visiting a lawyer and appointing you his POA and healthcare proxy if those are his wishes. As for caring for him outside of a facility - it's going to come down to what you can realistically afford, not only will his income be reduced but if you give up work to become his caregiver yours will also, so getting by could be very tight economically.
(F**k cancer)
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Reply to cwillie
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I am so sorry, but that check should be going to the NH. And as said, any back payment too. I would call his Medicaid caseworker. The Medicaid he receives will need to be adjusted now he has SSD. Also, how will the retro payment be handled?

If you do not have POA its going to be hard to handle his finances. He can take some of that retro and set up a prepaid funeral. You should not be co-mingling your finances. His payment should be going to a separate account. Eventually, he may need to allow NH to be payee. Even if your his POA, you do not have rights to his money for personal reasons. Social Security does not recognize POA so you would need to be payee and even then, the SSD payment goes to the NH.


Terminal glioblastoma is very serious. He was placed in care for a reason. If you are able to take him out of there, do you plan on living off his SSD? I doubt if you will be able to work. You need to look at the whole picture here. Be realistic. What is his survival rate. What will his symptoms be like. Are you going to be able to care for him 24 /7 without help. Besides rent, there are utilities, groceries, transportation. You need health insurance too, can u get it as a Caregiver? These are things you need to consider now. As a girlfriend you have no rights. Without POA, unless BF has signed a HIPPA form, you are not even privy to his health info.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Tampering with mail (including opening another person’s) and cashing checks not made out to you are pretty serious federal crimes.
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