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My husband took his mom for blood work last week for an appointment today.


The doctor took MIL off all pain medications because her levels of narcotics did not match the prescriptions. The doctor said to use Icy Hot.


His birthday is this weekend and now he is concerned about narcotic withdrawl.


Is it safe to go?

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As an old retired RN I would be a bit worried about this, dependent on what medications Mom is taking, and for how long, and the extent of the abuse (which may remain and unknown). I don't know how long it will be before this trip takes place, and the time the medications were stopped "cold turkey".
I am surprised that a responsible MD, having solid evidence of abuse, would stop all medications in this manner without some careful withdrawal protocols and contacts. Is there a POA for health care who can discuss this matter with Mom and the MD.
Some medication withdrawals done without careful titrating can be very problematic indeed.
Who will be caring for Mom or watching over her while husband is gone? How far away will he be by phone, by car if he is needed. Who can access emergency care for Mom if it is needed in his stead?
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pamzimmrrt Aug 2022
Alva, its the posters husband, not the mothers husband, who is going on vacation with her. I do agree with the rest of your post,, someone needs to be aware of the situation
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MILHell, you have mentioned that you must go to mils facility four times daily to give her insulin shots. If not you, who will be administering them?
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MIL, I would not worry about your MIL having withdrawal symptoms.

I think your husband should be worried about the substandard care his mother is getting.

I hope he can work out a way to move her soon. Hoping your shoulder feels better!
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sp19690 Aug 2022
Husband isn't going to do anything. He is pretty useless.
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Are you serious? Just a few weeks ago you posted you were filing for divorce because your husband moved his drug addict sister into your house. Now you are taking him on a vacation weekend for his birthday.

I believe someone in this effed up place your MIL is in is stealing medication from her. That is a crime.

The police should be contacted.

MIL should not have to suffer because of someone elses thievery.

Can't belive your husband didn't go to that facility and raise Holy hell. Sounds more like the MIL is in hell not you.
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anonymous1473280 Aug 2022
I do not take care of finances, my husband does. The lawyer suggested I gather information on accounts because at times the other spouse clears the other person out.

I have been married over 20 years and I do need to look out for my interests.
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"She manipulates' is probably all we need to hear.

She's on some of the most powerful narcotics out there--but her blood levels do not show it? Sounds like somebody is dipping into MIL's supply and she isn't aware of it. This is a common problem in NH's, sadly. OR--she's not taking them, either tossing them or hiding them. My FIL did this, after he died and I was cleaning I found PILES of pills under his recliner. Pain pills, yeast pills, antibiotics---nothing that would have led to an earlier demise by their absence. But a known dynaminc in some elderly who don't want the meds they've been prescribed.

BUT--her Dr sounds like an idiot. IF she has been receiving any level of pain relief from whatever was prescribed, she will not receive anything near that for pain from Icy Hot. Good grief. I, for one, hope she isn't in pain, or hasn't really needed those meds.
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Thank you for the answers. Today was eventful.

I went shopping for the week, when I came home my husband was banging and clanging around, MIL asked to come home, he told her no she doesnt have help to be here. She was whining about wanting a cheap table I purchased for $50 at an estate sale. I told him to take it to her if it will keep her from coming here.

When he took the table, an APS investigator was there with her about the medication. My husband is not computer savvy so when we thought there was problems with the medication, he started documenting drop offs counts and had the facility initial or sign. The man wanted the book but my husband said no, you can have copies and we made the copies.

We went to a marriage counselor today. He is upset I nag and complain about his mom's care. I do not understand according to him.

I grew up in Chicago so my mom called and said she is going on vacation at the end of the month. I talked to my boss and am taking a week of vacation to watch her place. I need some space.
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It depends on how long your MIL was on the narcotic. Did she take them as needed or popping them all throughout the day and evening? was she going to different doctors to get more prescription of medication? How is she behaving now? I would not go out of town.
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Taking her off of as needed opiates for a topical ointment seems rather heartless and yes, reckless.

However, what will be accomplished by his being here? He can’t prescribe these meds himself.
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MIL, was there too much in her system, or not enough to match the blood work?

In other words, is she not getting the required dosages at the "home" because someone(s) is stealing her medication?

It sounds like the doc is not concerned because there is so little in her system. And thus, she won't be going through withdrawal.

Maybe your husband could call the doc and ask that specific question. And ask her/him if it's safe to go away this weekend.

It sounds like the facility should be reported for criminal behavior, yes?
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Frebrowser Aug 2022
It is concerning that the pain meds with street value are going missing.

I’d ask if he has been looking for a better facility, but it’s all I can hope for that he isn’t still planning to bring her to the house that he shares with his wife so “he” can take better care of her.

There is a petty part of me that wonders what respite care he would trust his mother to if she was living with him and he wanted to take a trip?
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I would report this facility. You have proof that Mom's levels were not what they should be. Their excuses that it is always missing do not hold water. Records must be kept. Pharmacies can't replace some meds unless 30 days has gone by.

I am also surprised at the doctor. I would think he is a mandated reporter. He should be reporting this place.
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PeggySue2020 Aug 2022
I worked at an animal shelter. Every single drop or tittle off every controlled substance had to be locked up with usage documented and signed by a specific worker.

They did not drug test the animals, but they did drug test mil. If she was documented to have taken said drugs, then there’s a record of who said she took them. Or there should be a record saying that she refused to take them.
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