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My mother has lived in assisted living for 5 yrs. The aides give residents two showers a week but she refuses help. They are very kind but my mother won't comply. I think the only way to solve this is to tell her that as so many residents have fallen in the shower it's now the facility's rule that everyone has assistance with showering. Any suggestions?

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If this is a new behavior it might be the sign of a new decline.
If she has been in Assisted Living for 5 years and this is the first time that they have had a problem you might want to explore if there is someone new helping with the showers. Maybe the water is too hot, maybe it is too cold. Maybe there is a new order as to how they are showering people. Did she used to get a shower in the morning and now it is mid day or at night, or visa versa. There are so many things that could have changed.
If all things are the same this might be something that you could bring up at the next doctor appointment as a "change" or decline.
Also ask at the facility if there are any other little changes that might be insignificant but together it could add up to a larger decline.
Like..
did she always have juice with breakfast now she does not want it, did she always drink coffee now she wants tea. Did she participate in games but now just watches, or does she stay in her room more than before? Little things may not seem like big things but adding them together can give a different picture. Sort of like that artwork that is nothing but dots until you step away.
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I have learned the hard way not to sweat the small stuff with mom. She had not taken a shower in years before moving in with me, and it showed OMG. She still does not take a shower, absolutely refuses plus now it's just not safe with how my bathroom is setup in my home. So this is what we do, myself and the aide: clean her private areas well when changing her Depends, manicure once a week as tolerated, pedicure once a month as tolerated, hairdresser twice a week as tolerated, sponge bath when major disasters happen with toileting which is several times a month at least as tolerated, denture cleaning twice a week as tolerated. All is stated "as tolerated" because it will never happen with a fight. If gently trying several times doesn't work, then on to the next day. I found that if it's not life threatening, then it's not worth fighting with her and getting her upset for days. Life is too short for my mom to put her through that type of ordeal. Love her, coax her, nudge her from time to time, but then leave it alone. Take care of yourself.
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Trying i was talking about a sponge bath f thats the only way you can get her smeling like a rose again. I have suggested before that people do actually climb in the shower with their loved one. If you are shy you can wear a swim suit. Mom can actually keep her bra and panties on while you do the exposed bits, then take off the bra, wash to the waist and drape a towel and finally" drop the drawers" and have a second towel ready to wrap around the waist. You will need a hand held shower which makes it easier anyway but it is a simple matter to unscrew the existing shower head and screw on the hand held. A cheap one is about $20. You can also probably find a used shower chair pretty cheaply too. I think I paid about $5 for mine. The trick is not to strip them naked all at once.
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What you suggested sounds like a very good plan to me. I don't blame your mother for wanting to have her privacy, but she does need to have at least one full shower a week. Two would be even better. Tell her that the complete showers will help her prevent UTIs and trouble with the area "down there." Let her know the aides are professionals that see people in their birthday suits all the time. Maybe you can help her feel more comfortable.

If all else fails you can tell her she smells like a grizzly bear and if she doesn't bathe soon the flies will find her. (Just kidding here, but I've smelled some people who stopped bathing and it is not a nice smell.)
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Susan, I didn't see what your mother's ailment is. Is she in a regular AL? Does she have dementia? Is she able to communicate? If she can't communicate well, explaining to her why she needs the shower, may not be possible. I like the suggestions about checking on what, if anything, is different about the shower routine. Are they using the same shower room, do you use a shower chair, etc. There may or may not be clues there.

The next thing that I would consider is if she is in pain for some reason now. I'd explore any bones, joints, sore spots, etc. Does she have pain somewhere that she can't verbalize?

I will add that when my loved one was in regular AL, they had a very difficult time getting my loved one showered. It was a huge deal and they just weren't able to handle it. They called me about it. But, when my loved one's dementia progressed and she was moved to a Memory Care unit, that changed. The staff in MC were trained to handle her and it was never a problem after that.

I have noticed that in MC, they play music for the residents in the shower room. The staff person hums and sings along with the music. I think it helps the resident feel more relaxed and comfortable.

So, I suppose, that I would think that figuring out the best way to get mom her shower, would be something the facility needs to work on. Certainly, they deal with this all the time and they should have expertise by now.

Perhaps a team meeting with the facility might be helpful.
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If there have been no issues with showering with your mother, leave her alone! She obviously is very private about showing her private parts, and I suspect most elderly people are. If she has been in "assisted living" for five years without any other incidents, until she displays a danger to herself, leave her alone to shower or sponge bath by herself. You do not have to control everything she does. Give her some privacy, dignity, and self-worth.
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We had the same problem. Mom's sponge was dotted with black mold, so I took it away, knowing she would pick it out of the garbage. Then I went to see the head nurse about bathing. I would also alert nursing if mom had an MD appointment the next day. Mom would cooperate if she was seeing the MD.
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What will the AL place do if she doesn't accept help? Kick her out? Why are they insisting she have someone shower her? Does she need to exercise and gain some strength? Maybe this rule will move her to exercise she can shower alone.
If she can shower herself, maybe all she needs is someone in her room to be sure if she has a problem they can help. Is there an emergency cord in the bathroom? What about a "help I have fallen down" button she can use in the shower?
I know I wouldn't want some person seeing me naked.
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Hi Susan. I had to appeal to my mother's money side and tell her that her long-term care insurance would not pay unless the AL assisted in her bathing. She tells people this - they have learned that she is like that and sometimes help her get in the shower, then sit back in the bathroom or bedroom while she bathes herself. They even get her to sign a paper saying she declined the bath for that day if she turns them down. Something like that. Money for her, something else for your mom?
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We have gone through this with my mother-in-law, she does have dementia and it is getting worse every day. She has lost so much weight and fall asleep in her chair a lot. We had Christmas Dinner with her then my niece and her husband went to see her right after we left. She told them that no one had been there all day. Of course, we had been there 4 hours.
She refuses to have assistance bathing, She refuses to use her walker in the AL apartment. She has fallen several times, the nurses have called my wife several times a week informing her of the situation. My wife would like for her to stay in the AL but it looks like she will soon have to go to the Nursing Home. She has suffered from depression all her life.
I did not tell my wife but after watching her I think she may soon pass on. She has nothing to live for, she cannot remember anything. We have her in a wonderful facility with great caretakers. It's considered the best in our state. There is only so much they can do if she becomes too hard to handle she will go to the next step, that is, the Nursing Home.
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