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Is she still in your home?

I asked my Moms Neurologist if with Dementia does the personality change. He said not really.

If they were nice before, they will be after
If mean before, they will be after
If nice before and mean after...they were really mean before just hid it well.

With Dementia they lose reasoning, empathy and get self-centered. Like a toddler, its all about them. Her short-term memory loss does not allow her to remember from day to day. You just need, and it is not easy, to let it go. Just keep doing what you are doing with a smile. Then when DH comes home she is his.

If this is really getting to you talk with DH about placing her. If she has no money there is Medicaid.
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Stop trying to give her sympathy. Seems she doesn't like it. When you think of it it is constantly referring to someone's "deficits" in health or mind to continuously give them sympathy. Take a matter of fact attitude. Try to share some few TV programs she likes with her. Try reading to her. If she was always a bit mean, then what likelihood is there that with the brutal losses of age she would be feeling a whole lot better?
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Sorry but you can't expect her to not be mean and ungrateful because you are trying to give her sympathy. Especially with dementia. Unfortunately, you have to accept her the way she is and NOT take it personally. I know, easier said than done. No doubt. But if you are going to be caring for her, you need to come to terms with this. If you can't I imagine you will be feeling bitter and angry.

Care giving is hard enough when the person is relatively pleasant. With someone mean, it's got to be sooo much harder.

Are you getting any help caring for her? With her dementia, it's got to be wearing even in the best of circumstances. Get some time for yourself. Recharge your batteries.
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