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I’m her medical & legal POA. My step dad was not taking care of her. She isn’t able to take care of herself at all. He is upset that I’ve put her in an assisted living facility and is trying to get a lawyer to override me and remove her from the facility. Can he legally do this?

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Like 97YearOldMom I would worry about guardianship as he is legally her husband. You do have a foot up on this as she has made you her POA. If you are at all able to I would discuss this with the ALF Social Worker or Administration. They may have a way to get through easily to Lawyers they work with to get you Emergency Guardianship (for Social Workers it can often be as easy as a call to a Judge; I have witnessed this). This would seal the deal and he could not override this. I would do this very quietly telling the ALF exactly what you told us about his inability to care for her and your fears for her and of his intentions. You could consider also doing this through an Elder Law Attorney, but it would be easier done the other way. And if Dad got wind of you doing this I am afraid he would fight it in court. Sometimes when these things become family contentious issues the Court take it out of the hands of the family. IF you have any proof of his neglect, witnesses, etc, or inability to care for her then do keep diaries and dates and witness names in case needed. I sure do wish you luck.
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Courtney, I don't typically recommend that people get lawyers involved in interpersonal relations, but in this case I think it's appropriate, for reasons other than might come to mind.

That reason is to seek injunctive relief to prevent him from intervening.   An attorney would have to handle this; it's not a DIY job unless you have experience in law.    An elder law with litigation experience should handle this; it's well beyond preparation of estate planning documents and demands specific litigation experience.

Make lists of everything he's done that's harmful, and what he hasn't done to take care of her.    Address why you've chosen AL, how your mother feels about it, and what her condition is there (i.e., she's safe, pleased with the facility, etc.).  The point is to demonstrate that you've taken appropriate action, not only as a daughter but as legal proxy pursuant to POAs.

An attorney could seek an immediate TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) that would be served by a process server or law enforcement (definitely not family) on your stepfather, to prevent him from interfering in the placement you've arranged.  It could also seek to prevent him from any contact with her as well.

If you have witnesses who can attest to your mother's desire to avoid him, that would be very helpful to support your case.

After the TRO is served, a hearing would be held to review the facts, and permanent injunctive relief could be ordered.
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Also, if you have anything in writing from him that could support a request for a restraining order, present it to the attorney.   It will help support a judge's decision.

This kind of "evidence" could also help mitigate any attempts he might make at guardianship, which I don't really think he could get though, in part b/c he hasn't demonstrated "capacity" to manage her affairs.

That raises another issue:   you're funding her care; is there any chance he could get access to those funds, or are they yours specifically and not your mother's?    That could be another provision in a TRO, i.e., preventing him from access to her funds.

I also support Alva's idea of discussing the issue with the ALF admins; they may have insight to add, especially if he's visited Mom, been disruptive, etc. 
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You have POA. If she wanted him to have it then she would have assigned him. Good they kept their money separate.

At this point, I don't think he can do anything. But I would inform the AL that he is not to take her out of the building. If he visits and upsets Mom, I would even have him banned. Guardianship is expensive, can he afford that? I wouldn't go in that direction unless he files. Then you can contest it by saying Mom does not want to live with him.

You can always consult with a lawyer. Some its free.
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If he is able to get guardianship he could.
What does mom want?
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courtney86 Oct 2020
She is the one who told me to get her away from him.
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I don't think it would be very easy, especially if she has a diagnosis of dementia or proven incapacity in her medical records. Does your step father know how much money pursuing guardianship will cost him? Possibly $10K or more. Also, I've read on this forum that if the judge perceives that the family fight over your mom is more of a power struggle, the judge can award the guardianship to the county instead. Good advice was given to you by others to work quietly with the social workers.
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Alzheimer's causes more family conflict than any other disease. Your mom gave YOU her POA because she trusted you and had more confidence in you than in your step dad. Although your mom is still pretty young, and I assume your step dad is also, he would not be able to care for her. He may well be more concerned about the expense of AL rather than her proper care. There would come a time when you could say, "I told you so!!".
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courtney86 Oct 2020
Their finances are separate. He doesn’t pay anything for her to be in AL. I do all her finances and her disability and retirement pays for it. She is 62 and he is 76. I just can’t understand why he wouldn’t want her taken care of. He even told me at one point that he was leaving whether I had her in a facility or not.

I appreciate your input so much. Please keep us in your prayers.
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He’s husband and he has a lawyer so yeah, despite what some said, he can do something. He can get a court order to have her released to him. He can become her guardian. You will have a hard contesting anything based on what your mom wants because if she qualifies for a guardian then she’s not competent. Many counties have financial assistance for guardianship cases also.
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