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I help my aunt take care of my grandparents and my cousin who has mental health issues. My grandfather likes to make everything an argument then have a fit and tell you how horrible you are especially when he thinks he's bored. Then he goes around telling his siblings we are mean. His sister came over to scream about his care but his kidney Dr., cardiologist, his primary care Dr., and his other specialist realize we are doing the best we can. They have down at most Dr. he has a flat personality effect and anger issues. The only other help is my mom who has health issues, and her help is limited, and my uncle comes when begged a lot. I have told most of my family when my grandparents pass, they will regret not spending time with them. I have 2 aunts, 1 uncle, and 3 cousin and a brother. My brother will come when called but he has a lot going on, so I feel guilty asking. My grandma like to pick an argument with him and leave the room so then he's mad at you. My grandma also has macular degeneration and can only see 2 ft out one eye and 3 ft out other on a good day. My family believes me, and my aunt should not be tired, upset, and overwhelmed. We were going to pay to get home repairs because we just can't take on any more stress or work, but he convinced his family to do the work. I said I cannot clean up roofing mess and take care of them. So, there for are the bad guy and horrible person, lazy person he told me. Also, he thinks we should do what he says no matter how ridiculous. It's like he wants to say jump and how high. The Dr. office has tried to help us hire help, but my grandfather has threatened to not let them in and or even. The Dr. office did try to give him more meds to calm him down, but we ended up a er because it was messing with blood pressure. Me and my aunt have also admitted to cry on way to work many times. My grandfather also resents me because when my aunt was dying of cancer my grandmother made me make the decision to let her end her suffering, but I was also taking care of her and working a full time job at time too but the many Dr. told me she was suffering and it was getting worse.

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I wish my husband and I knew about AgingCare 20 years ago. I think I might understand what you are going through. When you said “My family believes me and my aunt should not be tired, upset, and overwhelmed” I knew right then, you and your aunt were in this alone as well as being taken advantage of. Anybody who is not physically and actively taking care of your grandparents and cousin have absolutely no right to question you. If they do, tell them OK, it’s your turn I’m leaving. Tell them ‘Rite Now You Are taking My Place and Caring for them’ (the grandparents). If they give you any problems, tell them you’ll be home by 6 PM and then they can leave. That’s their new job. Sometimes it can be freeing just to verbalize it. More importantly, please let them know you need to work towards Your Goals in order to create a future for yourself (even if you live in the same house, you have to worry about your bills and your future because only you will be there to sustain your living expenses and maybe you will start participating in things you once loved to do). When they pass away, all your have is what you’ve accomplished. You and your Aunt have the knowledge both of you actively cared for your grandparents out of pure love when no one else would step in. Whatever monetary value, your grandparents have, the vultures will come running even if their house is left to you and your aunt. You have a right to a future and your own safety net to build upon. The Aunt who also is caring for your grandparents, is her child (your cousin) the person who has mental well-being issues? If so, it seems like she’s also been abandoned by family before your grandparents needed more care. You and your Aunt are incredible caregivers. While everyone is out there working, making money, putting in the time towards their goals and ensuring their safety net, you and your aunt are not able to. Maybe you can speak with an advocate. Hopefully, the Advocate can facilitate a meeting with the other family members. If they cannot physically and actively help as much as you and your aunt’s endless Caregiving Responsibilities, they should be responsible for paying for hiring safe in home care 12hrs a day at the very least. Please try to find Advocates for caregivers near where you live. Good luck and I’m praying for you. The average person has no idea a majority of caregivers lead physically and mentally exhausting lives. Family caregivers such as yourself as well as your aunt are never off the clock.
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Reply to Margie80
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Anxietynacy Sep 13, 2024
So well said!
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Do you have any questions for us?

I welcome you to the Forum and as a new member I hope you'll fill out your profile for us telling us a bit more about yourself and about the ages and condition (mental and physical) of those you care for.

I think that if you are at an age of majority you have come to a time in your life where your own education, your own building of a work/job record with good financial remuneration, and your own moving out into the world away from family is a high priority. The elderly have had their lives. That isn't to say we don't love them, and cannot try to give them love and some support, but it does mean we cannot afford to sacrifice our lives, while young, upon their burning funeral pyres.

Others in your family seem to have got on with their own lives, and are letting you know that they do not wish to be caregivers. The decision you make for yourself must be your OWN decision after careful thought.
There are many things in life that have no easy answer, no kind answer, no answer without grieving and tears. This is one of the hardest.
While your kind heart is admirable, you cannot afford to put your own life on hold.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Sounds like you are overwhelmed and others do not understand. Walk away and let them take care of your loved ones then they will understand. Take the bull by the horns and just walk!
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Reply to Ohwow323
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