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My husband's mother has tried to kill herself a few times, most recently about a month ago and she ended up in a mental hospital (again). Her husband passed away about 4 years ago and she has been in a downward spiral ever since. The money she received from the life insurance policy was supposed to last her well into retirement; it has not due to her frivolous spending. Recently she had a boyfriend turned fiance who we determined (and she admitted) was only trying to marry her for what remains of her assets and was going to write my husband and brother-in-law out of any inheritance they would receive upon her death. They broke up a few weeks ago, but she started engaging with this man again. She put him down as her emergency point-of-contact when she was admitted to the mental hospital, so he knows about her suicide attempt and we are afraid he's going to try to take POA from her and spend her money as he chooses. She sold her house, which closes on June 1, to originally move in with this guy, but after they split she is now moving in with her sister (who is also a bit of a train wreck). We want to assume POA/guardianship before this man gets the idea to do this and set up a trust that will make sure she is able to protect herself and her assets in the future.

How would we go about doing this? How can we prove to a court she is mentally unfit to take care of herself and make good financial (and relationship) decisions when we do not have access to her medical files or her doctors?

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Call Adult Protective Services immediately! Tell them this is an emergency situation and that you want a court appointed guardian and conservator put in place now! I suspect you do not know terms of the home sale contract until you do, you should have APS also stop any financial decisions!
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If she is still a patient at the hospital, alert them to the boyfriend's behaviour and stress the potential for abuse. That will give you a breathing space. Given your MIL's mental fragility it would be difficult to establish that she has the capacity to give POA to either brother, even if she wanted to; so guardianship it is, but is either man sure he's prepared to take it on?

You mention the four year downward spiral, and you mention wanting to protect her, and you mention b/f's scheme to swindle the inheritance, and you mention that the sister she's planning to move in with is a bit of train-wreck. I don't see any mention of positive ideas from your husband or his brother about what they have tried or might do to help her. If they go for guardianship it means getting seriously involved. I'm just saying.
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If you haven't had a doctor declared her incompetent yet get that done as soon as possible. Then change the ER point of contact to you and your husband. then get a Lawyer ASAP and file the necessary papers to get that POA and Guardianship. You want an IRREVOCABLE POA. Make sure you are listed at the hospital as Next of Kin as well because it gives you some power for decisions for her while she is there. I would also TELL the hospital that only "FAMILY MEMBERS" and her medical team is to be allowed access to her.
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Maybe this is my head cold talking - but I'm wondering why your husband (her son) isn't taking more of a lead in this. If my son saw this going on; he'd pull the guy aside and have a 'chat' with him. Of course - drawing up a good Trust & POAs etc., with proper appointments, ASAP goes without saying. Sooner the better.
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I should think the suicide attempt should be grounds enough for guardianship. Speak with an attorney and her doctor.
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Get an IRREVOCABLE POA.... ASAP and take control
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Speak with an attorney as soon as possible. It really sounds as if this fellow sees $$ and that's all. It's unfortunate but this happens more than we like to think. I hope you can assist before she loses everything.
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I would hire an attorney ASAP. I don't think your mother's boyfriend can change anything. I know my Partner's trust can only be changed by him. If he were unable to reason and I changed anything, it would be revoked in a hurry. HOWEVER, the Healthcare power of attorney can be used if your mother's friend can find a doctor to sign a statement that she is unfit to make any decisions for herself.. A doctor does not wish to be involved in a lawsuit, so this decision will be documented by medical records...SEE AN ATTORNEY and bring all documents to him for him to review...Don't wait to create documents until she can no longer sign....
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I hate to put it this way but in a sense you're lucky about the suicide attempts and hospitalizations -- that will give you a huge hand up towards getting legal control. Other people have to deal with people taking financial advantage of mentally or emotionally vulnerable but have a hard time getting the papers. Use the harsh realities of the situation to take it over, fast.
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Dear Siren - Getting Guardianship, involves the court system and is VERY time consuming and expensive.

Your MIL is being psychologically bullied by this guy. Sometimes women, like your MIL, can't say 'no' to the men in their lives - but need (and are relieved when given) an excuse. (ie) "I would but I can't because it's in a Trust". And I think by telling you what she has about the relationship and this guy’s intent; it’s a cry for help.

If she’s cooperative - explain to her that you would like to see her protected from possible financial harm and get her to an Elder Law/Trust attorney asap. You can have things put into order in no time for much less than the guardianship route.

Apparently your husband doesn’t know what to do or he’d be more involved. But, as her son - he’s going to HAVE to get involved in a Trust arrangement. Good luck.
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