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Been a while since I posted. I was helping Dad move to AL (he could no longer stay in Independent Living due to his declining health and cognition).

Surprisingly, he adapted to the change to AL much better than I thought he would. I took special care in decorating the room well and making sure the support staff (most of whom he already knows) helped with the transition.

I was on the brink of sighing with relief until he told me that he gave some man $20. This was his last full week at the Adult Day Center (he will only be attending the two days the VA covers), and I guess his FREE transportation was taking too long and he claims he hopped in a cab with someone else and gave him $20.

This brings up the ongoing challenge I've had with attempting to all but eliminate the amount of cash my Dad carries in his wallet. Past entries will enlighten you on Dad's attachment to money, and I really don't want to get screamed at in the middle of a crowded bank again or be called a thief to everyone Dad can get to listen, but this wallet thing has been and is becoming more of an issue.

He DEMANDS to have at least $80 CASH at all times. His sight makes it so that he's challenged with cards (tried prepaid cards-it was a disaster), and quite frankly, after the bank incident, I just decided to let the chips fall where they may.

The director of his Adult Day Center has received complaints that Daddy has been counting his money in front of everyone, and there have been several times that the director has had to return money that Dad has given out. He's dropped cash in the past or lost his wallet. We even had an incident where a terrible caregiver took Daddy shopping and watched him spend every cent he had... So.... it's an issue.

I've tried to convince Dad to leave his wallet at home when he goes to the Adult Center, but I still don't trust the staff at the AL facility, I'm afraid that amount of cash is tempting. Even the prospect of locking it up makes me nervous.

The bottom line is, I NEED to restrict this man's cash. He has no legitimate reason for carrying around that much money as his expenses are all handled by automatic bank draft. I can use his debit card (which I keep for meal outings with me and light snacks for his room).

I guess I just don't want to bear the consequences of reducing him to about $10 tops. He always complains that I treat him like a baby BUT....

HELP!!

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I wonder if you could let the ALF handle this one?

"I'm sorry, Mr. Dad, but on this side of the house we have residents who are not as sharp and capable as you are, and for everyone's sake we don't want to have cash in wallets or rooms. It is nothing personal about you. It just works best for all of us if there is no more than $10 for any resident.

We have accounts for each resident. at the the front desk. You can deposit any amount, for example $100, and when you have a need for it you can take out the amount you need. For example, if you are taking the bus to the shopping center you can take cash out. If you don't spend it all you can deposit the change back into your account. If you are going to lunch with your daughter and you want to buy, you can take out cash in the same way. That way you have what you need but the ALF doesn't have thousands of dollars of cash floating around in resident rooms."

Let the ALF be the reasonable bad guy on this.
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Yes, letting the AL handle it is a good idea.

My idea was to give him counterfeit money..as much as he wants. I know this guy named Frenchy...

Anyway, lots of empathy. Hang in there.
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Ha! Never thought of that! Thanks!
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Although he did not need to spend actual cash on anything once he moved to assisted living my dad needed to have money in his wallet at all times to feel like a man. I was able to get the amount down to $30 and I did not worry about what happened to it. I could tell how much it meant to my dad's self worth and dignity. I got him to accept the amount of $30 by showing him that I always have at least $60 with me that he could borrow if need be.
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Switch the "real" money to fake. I don't let my husband have any cash since he will hide it and forget where he put it. I don't care if he "insists" on having $80, tell him if he needs something you will get it and be FIRM! You are the rational adult here, are you not?
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I would not replace the money with fake, because if he does in fact get in a cab with someone, a couple things could happen: he could get charged with passing counterfeit money if the fakes are good enough for him not to be able to tell the difference, or he could be stranded somewhere and not be able to pay for what he ordered. Either would be a grave blow to his dignity, which is why he feels he needs to carry it with him in the first place, I mean how would YOU feel if somebody did that to you? Even if it all got straightened out in the end, it would be a big embarrassing hassle. I agree with what Jeanne said about letting the ALF handle it.
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Good answer, Jeanne!
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My mother is in AL. She has regained all her memory and senses. She just can't walk. My mom insists on having 200 cash on her at all times. Someone goes to Walmart or Taco Bell and she wants to have money to but things. Avon comes once a week as well. I give her the money and tell her when it's gone it's gone. It's too much stress for me to keep fighting. I'm alone and have no back up. So she gets her money. After 3 years of this. I no longer care.
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My mother was handling out $20 bills for this and that reason. There is a stage where they like to have money as it seems more concrete to them. We fixed the problem by giving her the cash in $5 bills. Now she hands out $5 bills one at a time and her cash goes alot further.
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Money is often a key issue for patients with Alzheimer's to argue about. Loss of financial judgement often goes hand in hand with seeing money as security. But there is no point giving any patient living in a home or AL anything more than $20, and even much of that should not be in notes but in coins. Watch them as they spend it. Never fill up wallets with "cash for later" - it goes immediately. They have no idea how it is spent, nothing to show for it. Nurses and carers are accused of stealing, when the patient may just have taken everything out of their bags and wallets and stored it all somewhere else;
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