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Over the past 3 or 4 years my relationship with my siblings have become strained. I no longer visit with my mother due to all the lies she is being told. I chose to stay away for my health and try to give her some peace from siblings putting me under a microscope and telling her lies about me.

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Hoot! If there was a will made ten years ago, drawn up by a real lawyer rather than an enthusiastic amateur, and your ugly (if you'll forgive my judging - I find characterisation helpful to my memory) sisters have been playing silly beggars drawing up home made ones for their own slightly peculiar amusement every time the wind changes… I'm just picturing the hay that could be made of that situation in a probate court. You'll all be donating every penny to lawyers.

Your brother, father of the talkative niece, is absolutely right. Time for him to grasp the nettle, put his foot down, and nip all this nonsense in the bud - plus any other metaphors you'd care to add to the mix. This could be one occasion when the old-fashioned preference for putting boys in charge works in everyone's favour, for a change. Is there a sort of Alpha Brother whom pretty much everyone (but especially your mother) trusts and respects? Because I nominate him to sort the will out once and for all. With the aid of a reputable elder attorney, of course. Not one from your sister's firm, by the way, in case that isn't incredibly obvious.

More worrying is your semi-estrangement from your mother, and the evil that has been worked there. I'm sorry for you, but I'm sorrier for your mother because she is helpless and can't, for example, come on to the forum for support. Keep calling her, won't you? I really hope things improve.

It's just a thought: ugly sisters aside, is it possible that dementia or a similar mental decline is distorting your mother's image of you?
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No, you have no right to see the will.

However, that is hardly the point. The glaring issue in your post is that… sorry, I can hardly believe I'm reading your headline right… wtf??? What do you mean, your 'siblings are changing your 93 year old mother's will…'

Your siblings can't change a single comma in your mother's will. Only your mother can change her will.

If you believe that your siblings are putting pressure on your mother to change her will, and at your mother's age pretty much any pressure is 'undue' pressure, then that's what you need to address. Where are you getting your information?
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You know how that goes, CountryMouse. Siblings tell mom she should, then make a call to the attorney and ask him to make changes. Then they drag her in and have her sign it. The dementia'd elderly are easily led by their caregivers. Unless mom is so obviously incompetent to a child while in the attorney's office, it's signed, witnessed and Good as Gold. "Prove it."

Sad.
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Your right I should of stated that better. Siblings are having my mother change her will. No they do not take her to a lawyer. My sister works for a lawyer and in return she thinks she is a lawyer. She draws up a will and has my mother and other siblings sign it. This is the third time I know of that they changed the will.

I heard through the grapevine this time she changed the will. I have a brother that tries to stay neutral in the sibling fighting. His daughter told my other brother that her dad wants to take my mom to a lawyer and change the will to what it was when my father died 10 years ago. He doesn't agree with what they are doing but really doesn't take much action.

I am not estranged from the whole family just the few sisters that have taken over my mothers life. I still talk to my mother on the phone about once a week. at most she seems afraid of me or at times mad at me. Thank you for your comments.
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No my sister does not work for an Elder Care Attorney, Just general. I am not sure where to begin on why I don't go see my mother anymore. When I explain what has happened to my family...I say it is like a divorce but instead of the children being in the middle of the divorce it was my 90 year old mother. She was being told lies about some of her kids. But when you would go there or talk to her on the phone she would blurt out what she was being told. I always felt like I had to stand up for myself which then would turn into an argument. The more you stood up for your self the more it escalated the battle. She would then tell the other siblings what you said and they would stir up more lies. They took over all her bank accounts.....at one time my mother made sure she had all of us on one of her accounts.....now just the select few are on there. She gets told we want to throw her in a nursing home.....so she wont tell us when she doesn't feel good. When I would take her meals they would tell her that is what is making her sick.....that she should cook her own meals. So should the next step be to ask my mom if she wants to see a lawyer. Because when the sisters get hold of that they will make her even more afraid of us. That is what I try to avoid putting her through all of that. Having them just fill her with fear of her own kids.
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Oh, blimey, Debbie. Big hug.

What meals were you taking her??? Eye of newt stew or something?!?!

You must feel sick at heart.

What is definitely no good is for the Silly Sisters to be to-ing and fro-ing with their DIY wills. Whoever's idea it is for all of that to be going on, whether it's them or your mother or a bit of both, it's daft and irresponsible.

The brother with the daughter, would you consider him up to throwing his weight around in a good cause?
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Debbie, if it is just mom saying her Will has changed, she may be a bit confused. Dementia patients will relay old events as new ones. I can assure you that the witnesses can NOT be the beneficiaries, nor can the Notary Public be any part of the Will. I witnessed my father's Will and the only reason my signature was accepted by the court is that I wrote myself OUT of it, leaving his entire estate to his wife of 24 years. I did not disclose the Will to anyone, nor did he; even his wife did not know he had a Will. The day after he died she asked me "Did your father have a Will?" I said "Yes. You get everything." She was speechless. My two sisters, on the other hand, were not so enthused.
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No, you don't have a right to see the will. If someone shows it to you you can look at it but you don't have any kind of a legal right to see it.
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Sad, yes; but also highly unethical and the kind of thing family law specialists ought to be on their guard against. That's where I'd start: with the lawyer. But I'm waiting to hear how come Debbie, given that she's intentionally estranged from her family, knows all this.
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Hm. If your mother does have dementia, of course there is always the possibility that she is the one demanding to change her will as often as her underwear and your sisters are, rather officiously and piously, enabling her.

Whatever else you decide to do, I think the moral of the story is that communication is key. What opened the growing rift between you and your sisters?
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