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One brother tried to get his dad out of the nursing home. And the other brother isn't really the dads bio son and found out and the dad knows but doesn't care he loved his wife and then there's another daughter... who isn't involved but is.... so both brothers disagree.... I WAS going to be a care giver but my kids told me they were raped by their cousin another child for all their life..... they didn't know were all undiagnosed autistic Indiana fails... anyways I was dealing with this and on top my own child hood trauma came running back in ptsd and I was still giving up my life caregive for this man because no human with someone willing should die in a nursing home.... not one of my grandparents died in one. This man is amazing and an awesome grandpa and father hes an amazing soul and he loves his family and home. He just wants to die in his bed. But because of the un bio son he's going to die in a nursing home because hes a rich ass who cares only about himself. He's not my biological grandpa... but he's family how do I help. My husband and his dad won't ask his sister for help and she's a lawyer... it's his daughter and they think money matters... she's family she doesn't care about money she loves her dad too.... idk but I need help please I do not want him dying alone and unhappy because of freaking pathetic sons 😔. Humanity has got to f*****g better.... please help me save someone from dying alone.... I'm affriad of death and I was willing to learn to help him to be happy and be there with his last breath because that is a gift.... I do not care about money people matter... memories matter humans matter stuff doesn't matter the world matters .... help me 🙏

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Why assume he’d die alone in a nursing home? Why couldn’t you and his family be there with him?

Caring for a dying person at home is not easy unless you’re trained for the work. He will be cared for by professionals in a nursing home or hospice facility. His wishes at this time may not be attainable and he has no idea what he’d be wishing on you (which could be miserable for everyone in your household).

As for the family’s history, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. You have many issues to address. You could start by letting this situation with your grandfather go.
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Your opinions about nursing homes is inaccurate and completely unfair to all of the people who have a LO in a NH. Try touring a few facilities before spouting that nonsense.
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Fawnby Aug 2023
Exactly! I've met some of the kindest and most caring caregivers when visiting people in a nursing home. It's amazing that there are people like that who really care about their patients.
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Yeah, so nursing homes I’ve been in have 50 beds or more. Lots of people visiting and working there. Some people really sick, some people not. People visiting around with each other as they can. Aides serious about their work, some of them conversing and interacting with patients and visitors. My uncle had a group that he enjoyed, they laughed and ate together. No one is alone in a nursing home. It isn’t perfect and you might rather be home, but if you were home there wouldn’t be anyone to plump your pillow and bring jello. Now that’s really alone, home when you’re sick. Seriously.

Uncle died at 99. They took good care of him.
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NeedHelpWithMom Aug 2023
My uncle spent the last two years of his life in a wonderful skilled nursing facility. He lived to be 96.
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Fawnby: "You have many issues to address. You could start by letting this situation with your grandfather go."

Exactly. You have a lot of trauma from your past that you need to start addressing. Have you done anything to do that?

You aren't a blood relative to this grandfather. Let his biological children deal with it. I don't understand why you are so invested.
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AlvaDeer Aug 2023
Yes, I couldn't agree more with every word of this.
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You've attached a false stigma to nursing homes, for some reason, which puts you in a position to care for a man you're not even related to biologically! He'll only "die alone" if the nursing home is totally empty at the time and if you aren't there with him holding his hand.

Ditch the drama and start looking at the situation realistically.

Good luck to you.
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anonymous1732518 Aug 2023
Some of it warranted
COVID has been an eye opener.
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Please don’t take on any caregiving responsibilities. You need to look after yourself and work on healing your childhood trauma.

If you wish to help, I would recommend looking into finding a suitable facility for him to be cared for 24/7. Then you can visit him and be his advocate.

Best wishes to you. Take care.
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OP, I think your situation is too complicated and too difficult for people on the site to give you much help. Is there some way you can contact a counselor?
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AND the one brother thought I lied and lost my mind and made everything up to steal money and why the hell would I lie when I never told people I was touched. My mom lied so my brother had noting to worry about I'm stuck living and my kids are reliving it every day now to this horrible brother also my family was almost safe and now we're not.
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Fawnby Aug 2023
If you have a place where you can go inside and lock the door, you're as safe as anyone else in this world. If you don't have such a place, go to Safe Space or some other organization that helps women and their families heal from trauma and stay safe from their abusers. There are places that can help you, but not if you refuse to seek them out.
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Best wishes Supermom4th.

Is Grandpa still of sound mind, if you know?
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You care strongly for this man but how or where he dies is not within your control. His God, Fate or Mother Nature will decide when & where his passing will happen.

Breathe & pull yourself together. People get old. People die. This is life. Sometimes they die in their bed, so? Most don't. A person can slip peacefully away wherever they are - or die suddenly or painfully wherever they are too. You don't need to be the hero to arrange a Hollywood dying scene. It is enough you care & can tell him so if you wish.
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