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I am taking care of my mother as a live in care taker. Lately I seem to be short tempered with my mom and everyone else. My mom just recently stopped being ambulatory and I am now having to help her to her pity chair and practically do everything for her. I just want her to get better and seem to lose my patience with her easily. I don't want to be like this I feel so guilty. I know it is not her fault but I can't seem to control my anger. I have never hit my mom and never would the problem is I think I am mad at her for leaving me. I am an only child and her siblings have not offered to help with her I feel trapped and all alone I just don't know what to do. Can someone help me? Any advise will be appreciated.

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That's a major sign that you are burning out... been there, done that.
You need to find a way to carve out some time for yourself, and not just an hour spent running to the store. Figure out a way to get a block of time, at least 3 hours, once a week to go do something just for you, go for walks, see a movie, go to the spa, chill out with friends or whatever you enjoy.
Try to find some time for your needs every day as well, even if it is just a half hour of peace while you have your morning coffee. Don't spend the time thinking and planning for mom!
And keep coming here to vent and get advice, it is wonderful to have others who get where you are coming from!
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How old is Mom and how long do you think you can survive this? How many more years could this go on? Is it time to consider assited living or nursing care? How about in home aids and RN service?

I know how you feel. I live 600 miles from my folks and I go down regularly and stay with them, clean, fix, doc appt, food, cook, argue, beg, lie steal, anything to get them to deal with obvious problems like getting the filthy carpet cleaned.

By the time I get home I'm a serious, mean and nasty basket case. It takes me a week to get back to normal. I cannot imagine living with them. I applaud people who can do this but I would end up in a mental institution.
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Mom went to rehab so we both get a break for a while. Just what I needed at the right time. I have calmed down a lot.
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I think the answer to your question is the first sentence of your story. Your responsibilities are massive for one person. Round the clock care for a non-ambulatory patient by one person is rather ambitious. I'd be shocked if you weren't angry and overwhelmed. You obviously need help. Why not seek it?

I would at least consider the options, whether it's getting help to come into the home on a daily basis or placing mom at at place they have shifts of people who can attend to her needs. You can always visit and then you would have more energy and be refreshed enough to offer her lots of emotional support.

What does your mom say about it? Will she agree to go? I couldn't tell from your post if she has dementia or not.

You can get a lot of support and information from sites like this. If you read the various threads and articles, you'll see how solo care for a person who needs all things done for them is a huge responsibility and isn't really feasible for one person. You can read personal stories of how others have dealt with it. I hope you get some help.
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Have you had a good evaluation of her condition and prognosis? It's hard to realize that there is a good chance that she will never get better and doesn't cooperate because she can't and hates the fact that she doesn't have control over things.
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Your anger is understandable. You didn't ask or want to be in this position that is taking over your life. My anger was worst the first year that I moved in with my mother and father. It wasn't just them that I resented, but the events that had led up to me being in such a position. I was mad at my ex and his family and my family. I was mad at the world.

Something that was very bad about the anger was that it made my blood pressure higher and made it hard to fall asleep at night. That was when the anger was at its worst. I knew I had to make myself quit being so angry. Anger is an emotion that you can control through self soothing. Self soothing is mainly through thoughts that calm you and the way you look at things. Exercise and focusing on your physical well being help a lot, too.

I do get the feeling that having help come in would be the biggest aid to you. Could your mother afford to hire someone at least part time to help? Could you hire a housekeeper to take care of that worry? Or a caregiver companion during the day so you can get away for a while? It may be even better to consider assisted living or a nursing home, since extensive home care cost can be quite high.

I know what you're going through. You do have to get your anger down right away, because it is like a cancer that will eat you up inside. Deep breathing, self soothing, and exercise can help right away while you're working through this. It may help to get a blood pressure cuff so you can see what the anger is doing to you and see what helps bring it (and your pulse rate) down.Then work on the problems that are creating the anger by looking for help with your mother. Neither of you asked for this circumstance, but it is here. You need to find a way to handle it for the long term that doesn't take so much out of you.

It can also help to talk about it on the group. We know what you're going through. Caregiving has such a big effect on our mental and physical health. We have to find ways to take care of ourselves while caring for someone else.
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I am wondering whether there is a basis for thinking she could get better?
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Dani, having someone come in to help is wonderful, but it is not giving you the time you need to recharge your batteries. Of course you are angry at the situation, not your mother (well, maybe a little bit for abandoning you, right?). We understand. But understanding where the anger comes from won't necessarily give you the strength to keep it at bay. Your mom is going to be unhappy if you leave, but YOU are running on empty because you stay. Go, please, and renew yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and you will need to learn to set some boundaries whether your mother recovers or not.
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CWillie is right. You need time to recharge your own batteries. However, if you are performing 24/7 care for a nonambulatory person, you probably are dog tired and only want to get some sleep.

Do you know what your mom is capable of doing? What is her diagnosis? What are her disabilities? You say she can no longer walk. Is she mentally disabled too? If you can get answers about her diagnosis and prognosis, perhaps it would eliminate the frustration you have about her condition.
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Hi all thanks for all of your advice I was at the end of my rope when I posted earlier, but your words of wisdom have helped. I am only hoping mom can get better the doctors say she can. I'm not sure anymore. I think I have figured out past of my anger is because she is leaving me and there is nothing I can do about it. I know that sounds selfish and it may be, but it is hard and I'm not good with goodbyes. I do have someone come and help me with her. Still I can not leave because mom gets mad at me if I am gone long. She doesn't even want me to go to the store. I don't know I guess I just needed to vent earlier. Thanks for listening.
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